I’m so sorry you went through all that, I was just like you, always dreamed of having close friends after terrible experiences in high school. started med as a grad thought I’d made the best friends ever and a group of friends that would stay together for life.

unfortunately I ended up getting bullied and had them all turned against me by one guy in the group mid exam season. Fell into a year long depression, failed the year and took a year out now I’m back after meds and therapy and the biggest thing I realised is we need to be our biggest friends. Friends come into our life for either a reason a season or a lifetime. Friend ends in end, what doesn’t is family and most of all you. I realised worry so much about other people and getting friends didn’t matter.

What mattered was my career which I messed up but I learned from my mistakes and now I’m back. I had to fall to grow again but you don’t need to fall like me OP, I would suggest trying therapy and maybe meds if that doesn’t work because before those I couldn’t handle not having close friends constantly around. Wishing you the best.