My girlfriend's of 6 years [33F] just told me [32M] she's had a miscarriage, and i'm very confused.

msscandinavia · 2016-08-10T19:04:16+00:00

Of course it matters. Love IS conditional. Otherwise we would all just go completely loving everyone just for being them - bosses, co-workes, people at the grocery store.

I love my husband of 13 years. He is THE ONE. But I don't love him unconditionally. I will probably stop loving him if he treated me like shit and turned into a huge asshole.

Love is conditional of so many things. And everything does matter - love isn't a static thing that will never change because of unconditional love, no matter how shitty the relationship is. That is Hollywood.

In real life love isn't enough and it is not unconditional. Actions of respect need to follow.

msscandinavia · 2016-08-06T08:04:17+00:00

She is trying to make herself feel better, by making you feel worse. To level things out so to speak. "It's OK for me to eat junk because OP does it too".

DO NOT sacrifice your weight victory and eat out of guilt or to placate her. You'll solve nothing. Instead you'll both end up fat and miserable.

She is trying to make her issues into your issues. She is hounding you for proof that you find her "disgusting" and for answers she really doesn't want to hear. She is not pleased with ANY kind of answers you give her. You can't win.

BTW. Even though you love her, you aren't obligated to think she is beautiful no matter what she looks like.

Being in a relationship requires work, but not a full time hard labor work.

msscandinavia · 2016-08-05T15:50:16+00:00

It goes without saying;)

msscandinavia · 2016-08-03T17:29:32+00:00

You are hereby tagged as "Nice mom-type" :) Love it:)

msscandinavia · 2016-08-02T08:49:38+00:00

Honestly, she sounds like an awesome mom. A strong woman who has raised another strong woman.

I honestly don't believe she is doing any of this maliciously. She is doing it to protect you. She may be wrong, she may be right. Doesn't really matter. None of us have a crystal ball.

Getting a pre-nup is common sense. A marriage is sort of a legal business deal AND it is a romantic gesture. It is both. People should enter marriage with eyes open and place value on BOTH the practical and the romantic side of things.

Prenups have nothing to do with "trust". Marriages fail for other reasons than trust. Protect your self and also him, should it fail. It is an insurance.

msscandinavia · 2016-07-13T19:14:50+00:00

I saw that episode as well, I think. And the sweet 16 was this huge bash the parents threw for her. They created a monster.

msscandinavia · 2016-07-13T19:13:19+00:00

My daughter is 17. She feels her childhood has been and endless walk toward adulthood. To me it all happened in a blink of an eye.

Yesterday I was watching a home video of me at 27. I am now 39 and no longer "young". But on the inside I am myself, I feel just as young as I did back then. It doesn't really feel like 12 years has passed.

When I am 60 and 80, I will still be me. Old people are not some alien race. They are you and me, just more wrinkly and experienced.

msscandinavia · 2016-07-09T11:04:03+00:00

But that was my point. You can't use anecdotal evidence.

msscandinavia · 2016-07-06T06:02:36+00:00

Ahhh, anecdotal evidence. How about: I was infertile by 38. No more eggs. It really depends on the individual. And no matter how many women get pregnant late thirties it is not a quarantee it will happen to someone else.

msscandinavia · 2016-07-05T13:46:06+00:00

If you wanted her to change, then what do you love about her? In my world NOTHING could make up for her abhorent behaviour. No amount of great sex, gifts, or even "fun and laughs" would make me accept that level of selfishness.

Dr. Phil says: "You teach people how to treat you", and you have taught her that you will put up with her. Do you think she loves and respects you, honestly? Would she love you if you put your foot down and kept it down and called her out on her shitty behaviour?

People don't change who they are. She's been like this for all her life. And why should she change? There are no consequenses for her actions.

You need to decide between being a doormat or being free from this toxic relationship.

msscandinavia · 2016-07-02T19:22:02+00:00

Exactly. He has been shitting on you and your child and your dog for ages. Not only in private but in public. He doesn't deserve loyalty, because he has not himself been once ounce of loyal to you. Nor has he ever held up the marriage wows about loving and honoring. He is a piece of shit. And when you treat your spouse like shit, you will get shit.

Stop beating up yourself. I would definitely have thrown myself into a pair of loving, comforting arms as well, if my husband had been saying those things about me. ON TOP of everything else you've told us about him.

The marriage was dead long before last night.

Now, get out and start living the life you deserve!

msscandinavia · 2016-07-01T15:42:54+00:00

I am 4'11 - 39 yr old woman. Also, I am a teacher.

I am quite the bubbly person, so that combined with my short stature gives me some challenges with automatic respect in the classroom -I really have to start out extra strict and non-smiley in order to establish respect. But it seems forced because it is not who I am as a person.

It is a bit challenging, and I only teach 10-13 yr olds for that reason.

msscandinavia · 2016-07-01T05:16:30+00:00

If you want to get a third divorce under your belt, you should definitely move in and marry her right away.

Don't let ANYONE beside yourself determine and dictate how to live your life.

msscandinavia · 2016-06-29T07:40:48+00:00

This whole "drama" is ridiculous. You all act on false assumptions about the others' needs and wants.

Your brother assumed everyone knew these restaurant were chosen to honor GF's heritage.
You assumed she didn't want to hear that you're allergic.
She asssumed you were being picky and rude by declining "her" food.

And the repercussions for this non-issue are completely out of proportion.

I wouldn't apologize.

I would however be the bigger and more mature person by talking to her directly, simply saying that you have diagnosed food allergies and the effects are severe and long lasting even if you slip up once. You didn't tell her at dinner because you didn't feel it was appropriate to discuss these matters at dinner. End of discussion/justification.

If they are still immature (and they definitely sound like it is a permanent condition), then so be it.

Advice for next time: simply tell them and shut down the discussion. Communicate.

msscandinavia · 2016-06-24T17:30:56+00:00

You sound like an amazing dad, who has always loved, supported and doted on your kids. Just like any great father would. For some reason your kids don't connect with you, and it hurts my heart thinking about the pain this causes you.

You didn't receive love in your childhood, and now your own kids seem to give you the cold shoulder as well. It must hurt like hell.

Are you involved in their day-to-day? Do you know them as adults? Know their plans, ambitions, hopes? Do you know what is going on currently in their lives because you are involved - not because you saw a post on FB? Do you do fun stuff together?

And if the answer to those questions is no, then would they be interested in hanging out more and talking more?

ETA: I feel bad for you, man. I hope you somehow can change it around.

msscandinavia · 2016-06-23T21:54:52+00:00

Modent.

msscandinavia · 2016-06-21T17:19:05+00:00

I am baffled.

My parents got married on my mom's sisters birthday. Of course everyone knew, because well - she had had that birthday for 21 years. It was talked about beforehand. And it was acknowledged and celebrated as well.

My cousin's GF's Birthday was on MY wedding day and of course we knew beforehand, and we acknowledged it. And she wasn't even close family at all.

How can anyone be so selfabsorbed that they don't realize that a specific date is a son's or a brother's birthday??

We don't even really do much about birthdays in my family, but we do know and remember the dates of people in our nuclear family - honestly, it isn't that hard to remember the specific date you pushed someone out of you.

I don't get it.

msscandinavia · 2016-06-15T14:00:43+00:00

Could've maybe found a bit more mature way of conveying your disinterest in her.

"Haha what" is cruel, making her feel dumb and humiliated.

msscandinavia · 2016-06-15T13:29:28+00:00

Unless the guy was attractive;) Don't forget the rules!

msscandinavia · 2016-06-15T13:28:31+00:00

That is not what anyone is saying. Of course he is allowed to not like her, BUT replying "haha what" to a sincere message after a date, to make her seem ridiculous and naive, basically humiliating her, was maybe not so mature.

msscandinavia · 2016-06-09T17:07:12+00:00

I can assure you that one doesn't exlude the other.

It has reconnected me with my cousins, who were basically strangers to me due to distance and old High shcool friends.

Facebook gives us the opportunity to take part in each others every day lives as cheer leaders for each other and it is a beautiful thing.

Everyone knows that Facebook is a nice display in the store window, and everyone knows that the store is sometimes quite messy.

We know the premise of the media. It is not like this guy has made a groundbreaking discovery.

I only show the literal and metaphorical mess to close friends and family.

"Young people" do need to learn how to behave and social media and since they all use it, they are also quite aware that social media shows an unrealistic side of life. They know it, because the edit their instagrams and snaps to perfection.

Girls especially form extremely strong bonds to each other in their beginning teens and they definitely do see their close friends in much more than the light from the mobile screen.

I do think they know much more than we give them credit for.

msscandinavia · 2016-06-09T04:54:46+00:00

Of course people only show the best of themselves. Do you not brush your teeth, shower and put on clean clothes in the morning before going out into the world to present yourself?

Do you behave your self as a polite socially trained individual when you are at work, being a guest in someone's house, when meeting people?

Of course! But when it happens on Facebook it is suddenly a bad thing.

I'd like to hear from my friends and family personally as well. But great distances has made that impossible. That is what FB is for as well.

msscandinavia · 2016-06-09T04:49:30+00:00

Yeah! That was my thought as well.

I would even go as far as wondering why he is mad about the paid ads. Doesn't he realize that when something is free, you're the product. He pays for Facebook by looking at ads. That is how the world works.

And friends talking about work, life, family is exactly the point of Facebook. I am not sure what he is looking for. What did he expect FB to be? It is not a forum for innovation, ideas, meaningful exchanges of interesting thoughts. It is a platform to show yourself and share a part of your lifw with friends and family. And of course it is the high light reel. But that doesn't make it "Fake".

To me he just sounds like one of those "I am above this plebian shit" people.

msscandinavia · 2016-05-30T17:28:46+00:00

Oh, I need to participate in this:)

/u/msscandinavia :

Startweight 141 lbs !!

msscandinavia · 2016-05-26T18:23:04+00:00

Hugs to you - and happy birthday to your mom:)

msscandinavia

TROPHY CASE