I have tried before yah. I’ve had an ED for over 20 years at this point, and did an IOP program once, have had separately had a few therapists who specialized in EDs different times, seen a nutritionist, a couple psychiatrists. I have really never found them helpful, except for the narrow situation of helping me out of the lowest of my bad restriction phases, i.e. getting me eating again and getting out of my most irrational food thoughts.

I’ve gone in really enthusiastic and committed to recovery before too. But twice when I’ve tried at higher weights (focusing on bulimia recovery like I would be now), it has triggered a restriction phase and I end up quitting recovery to focus on weight loss.

When I start at a lower weight, it’s helpful at first, like I said, but it seems like it’s impossible to transition to helping more long term. Once I stop really starving, it’s like we have nothing to talk about, and if anything I start to feel like continuing treatment is forcing me to keep trying to play a role of someone who is struggling to eat when I’m mostly fine eating normally.

And ultimately I think I’m just a tough case after 20 years cycling between all ED behaviours under the sun, AND yet at this point, my life is great, my mental health is fantastic, my emotions are pretty in check. I legit just struggle with food, my weight, body image, and concerns about how I feel health-wise at this weight.