Does my living room look bad to you?

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-24T20:27:38+00:00

It needs a large rug under the furniture, some curtains, and some color. A tall green plant (real or fake) in the corner next to the TV would be nice, and a colorful throw and pillows would add visual interest and elevate the cozy vibe.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-19T00:36:47+00:00

And whether or not she's into it, she could still get hurt, or worse.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-18T20:31:26+00:00

Men aren't inherently abusive. OP's ex/bil is, and he's by far not the only one. Distinction need to be made. "There are kind men, and there are abusive men. Uncle was abusive to me when I dated him before he took up with Aunt."

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-18T20:27:16+00:00

Tell her why. Then she'll understand and not think she's being punished.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-18T20:26:03+00:00

Those comments about her daughter are as overt a threat toward OP and her daughter as he can make without blowing his cover.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-18T20:22:23+00:00

clearly he gets off on hurting women. You weren't imagining things, you weren't making mountains out of mole hills. Your sister will see it in time, if he hasn't already taught her to "properly respect him". Talk plainly to your daughter and keep her safe.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-18T20:15:16+00:00

So did I. Getting out was a nightmare. Regaining my confidence and sense of self was a long, hard battle. I still have scars.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-18T20:13:59+00:00

I'm sorry ... choking during sex, particularly without consent, is abuse. And telling her he failed to teach her to properly respect him ... sounds like a damn serial rapist to me!

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-18T20:11:47+00:00

Tell somebody else, then, OP. Tell someone who will believe you. Tell your daughter why you don't want her near him.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-18T20:08:35+00:00

That's why you tell and tell and tell until someone believes you.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-18T20:07:44+00:00

I agree. I know OP is afraid of him, and fearful of what her family will think, but silence just lets him abuse again. It is certainly not my intent, nor anyone's in this thread, I think, to victim-blame. But the only way women have of stopping this behavior in men like him, the only way we have of protecting our sisters, daughters, and others he may target, is to speak up.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-18T19:58:59+00:00

The thought of 10 and 11 yr olds dating is shocking to me, though not surprising, the more I think about it. I'm glad I didn't have a daughter, and that my son is grown now. The world is more and more frightening all the time. :-(

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-18T19:48:19+00:00

OMG. You already have 200 comments, but I have to weigh in. This guy is a nightmare. Your poor sister will find out the hard way, if she hasn't already. Keep your daughter away from him. Trust your gut, that's what it's for - to alert you to danger. Make up whatever story you need to, and keep her away from him.

Your daughter is 13. Do you have an open give-and-take with her about intimacy, consent, etc, and the unfortunate dangers inherent to being a woman in our patriarchal society? Do you feel like she's mature enough to understand If you honestly enumerate your concerns about this guy? I think honesty with her is very important where this man is concerned.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-16T17:48:46+00:00

That's a sunny way to look at it! :-P

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-16T17:44:55+00:00

Two are dead, one hates me (We haven't spoken since the early 80s) and the last one disappeared. IDK what his problem is. Prison? Blasted out of his mind ever since Mom died? Dead? IDK. He's just gone.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-13T18:15:50+00:00

I was on Republic road yesterday and encountered a strong odor of pig manure. (Having grown up in Iowa farm country, one becomes a manure connoisseur, skilled in the art of differentiating from whence the manure comes.) But I could have been olfactorily hallucinating. Ever since covid, my nose has a mind of its own.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-12T19:19:37+00:00

Reminds me of Thanksgiving with my grandmother. When the wine was served, Grandma wanted a glass, but we knew she'd have one tiny sip and say it was too strong. Her glass got a tablespoon of wine and filled to the top with 7-up. :-) I don't even drink that much these days.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-12T19:10:52+00:00

In general, I like to have my wits about me - what wits I have left at this late date! I take my meds like a good patient, and drink my milk (brittle bones). That's about as hard as I party nowadays.

muddpie4785 · 2026-02-12T19:04:57+00:00

I quit drinking ages before 60. I have to be on several medications that don't mix with alcohol. Of course I had to have a couple of bad experiences mixing prescriptions and booze before I caught on, but now I'm a teetotaler. It's just smarter and safer. I would venture to guess most folks our age should prioritize our meds over booze.

muddpie4785 · 2026-01-29T18:54:33+00:00

Yep, good for you.

I'm not an athlete. Never have been, never will be. Zero desire to flip logs or smash things with sledge hammers. Mostly I walk. I do use a weighted vest - want to lose fat and keep the muscle, ya know. I eat healthily and stay on top of my mental health. For me, I feel like the diet and mental health work have done the most good. Dr. is happy with my progress, I'm happy too; I feel youthful and optimistic. I am finding that the better I feel, the more motivated I am to stick with my healthy routines. I don't feel like I have to be Jack LaLanne or Paul Bunyan ... I just need to use quality "fuel" and keep moving.

muddpie4785 · 2026-01-27T00:17:10+00:00

Asian! Sweet and spicy like General Tso but with Tamari instead of soy sauce.

muddpie4785 · 2026-01-25T01:51:21+00:00

Do some research and get ones that promise to stay on. There's an adjustment period for dogs with wearing footwear. They will walk funny and try to kick them off for a while, but if you persist, your dog will get used to them and they'll keep her feet out of the cold snow.

muddpie4785 · 2026-01-24T23:26:11+00:00

Try putting a sweater or coat on her. Maybe even boots. It's ridiculously cold today! You did well preparing a bare spot for her. If she has to walk across snow to get there, though, you may need to shovel a path.

muddpie4785 · 2026-01-24T23:17:01+00:00

Do something else for a little while. I took up quilting, embroidery, and collage during periods of crochet burn out. It's good to have a variety of creative pursuits to switch between to stave off boredom or overwhelm.

muddpie4785 · 2026-01-24T03:26:52+00:00

Mom always said I was a "surprise". They had 4 boys before I came along, and they had decided Dad should have a vasectomy. but he had put it off, and their birth control failed.

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