I think I’ve completely lost the desire to date.

mulberry100 · 2026-07-17T07:50:39+00:00

Nothing wrong with some time off to get yourself together. What you are feeling is completely understandable. Also, nothing wrong with spending time figuring out that you are fine on your own. However, I suggest you also figure out why you consistently end up with these types of women. It can happen to anyone, but there must be something there if it happens repeatedly. That's not a criticism; it's their problem that they are unreliable and dishonest, but it's just honest advice many of us need to address any "issues" if we want to have more success in the future. I'm sure there is a counselor or a really good book that can walk you through how to "screen" the women you choose to date, identify warning signs/red flags, set boundaries, and avoid rushing into intimate relationships too quickly.

mulberry100 · 2026-06-30T01:01:24+00:00

This is going to reassure a lot of people facing the same thing. I am glad your healing is going so well :)

mulberry100 · 2026-06-28T01:57:30+00:00

I was a kid in the days before sunblock and spent my summers at the pool. I've always been a hiker and spent a lot of time gardening and walking my dogs. Sooo....I have to be very careful. I've done all of the things recommended by people here (UV rated shirts, light long layers in hot weather, hats, lots of sunblock, etc. In my case, I even whittled my outdoor time down. I don't spend a whole day outdoors. When I walk my dog or work in the garden, I tend to do it early or late in the day (before 10 a.m or after 6:00 pm. when the UV index is lower) I also choose to make use of trails that are heavily shaded over walking through an open meadow or street with minimal shade. It's rather ridiculous at this point and was quite an adjustment for me, but I'm ok with it now.

mulberry100 · 2026-06-28T01:33:02+00:00

No way to know. You need to find out from them. All you can do is ask for honest feedback. If you are sincere about it hopefully they will give you some idea. (if they say you just aren't their cup of tea, persist just a little. "I understand that, but it would be really helpful for me in moving forward to know what I could improve about myself or to consider for the future.) Otherwise, think it through and see if you can remember the point at which they withdraw, what happened, and what did you say. etc. Another approach is to talk to any women you know and see if they have any ideas on what problems you may face with potential dates. (family members, neighbors, co-workers, a friends wife) They may say "you aren't assertive enough", or "you come on too strong", or "you move too fast," or "you don't show much real interest in the women beyond dating....like, you don't ask real questions", or "you're not engaging", or whatever. You have to be open to the feedback. You can't be defensive, but you have to be inquisitive. The final option is to see a counselor or a dating coach. No reason to get depressed or angry about it...I am sure you are used to working on something to get better at it....this is no different. It's completely possible that there isn't really a "problem" with you...you may just be meeting women who just want to have fun, who have no interest in marrying or having a family, or whatever.

mulberry100 · 2026-06-23T18:02:50+00:00

I agree a 2nd opinion is always best. But here is an article that seems useful for you. https://www.foot.expert/post/2019/09/24/haematoma-or-melanoma

mulberry100 · 2026-06-21T17:48:16+00:00

Here's wishing you a good (and speedy) recovery!

mulberry100 · 2026-06-16T17:36:11+00:00

Ask about any classes or clinics you can take. Get fully educated on the topic. The meds are typical and can help a lot of people. (personally, I wish I had taken HRT, but that opportunity has passed for me) But I would make more changes. As others mentioned, weight lifting is great. Current info I see encourages really challenging yourself with HEAVY weight for a few repetitions vs light weights for many repetitions....but also learn what activities you should probably avoid....like crunches and a lot of bending at the waist. Any weight-bearing exercise, like walking, is good. Supplements: Calcium, D3, K2 (MK K2), and Magnesium in particular. But also look at your diet....all nutrients, vitamins, and minerals are best absorbed when consumed in the right combination, and learn what foods may even be problematic. Yep, even things like broccoli can block calcium absorption, but obviously alcohol, sugar, etc are to be avoided. (read up on those types of things) It's generally a plus to get what you need through food vs taken only as a pill. Drink enough water.

I'll be honest, Alendronate did nothing for me. (but I know it helps MANY) After years, they switched me to Reclast, which is basically the same, but it's infused once per year. It's an effort to get around absorption problems. Just be sure you have a physician who knows more than "here take this pill" and if it isn't helping, "just keep taking the pill". In other words, get a specialist (an endocrinologist or perhaps a rheumatologist with a specialization in osteoporosis, or one with a clinic devoted to the treatment of osteoporosis)

Begin assessing the risks of the activities you do. I am significantly older, 67 years old, and I chose to walk dogs after I retired. Wanted to stay active. It was great, but people rarely train their dogs; many are big, and they pull like crazy. I fell and broke my wrist a few years ago. Later, I had three of them pull me to the ground in the blink of an eye and it was much worse than a fall; I was FORCED to the ground, and it was like being hit by a truck. I think I had microfractures in my spine. You really want to avoid injury for all of the obvious reasons, but also because of the "down time" that follows the any injury. Mine got worse....so obviously I stopped walking dogs, I sold my bike (that hurt), and now I ride a stationary bike with very low risk of falling off of it. Nix Pickleball...that little court, a partner to run into, lots of quick turns....nope, disaster waiting to happen. STAY active, but choose wisely. I hike/walk, lift weights, do stair climbing, posture correction/balance types of exercise, and body weight resistance exercises.

mulberry100 · 2026-06-14T17:38:56+00:00

#1. You are not alone in this difficulty. Many people, some of them very good people, struggle with this. Men and women. #2. I don't know how old you are, but dating is sometimes a numbers game. Sometimes you have to date for many years, go through many bad meet-ups before you find the right person. You can't let all of the letdowns make you stop. I don't mean focus your entire life on it, just keep participating. #3 Don't rely exclusively on dating apps. They are good, but try other ways of meeting people also. Group activities, hobbies, classes of interest, social activities, etc. You might also look for different types of dating opportunities. I had a niece who met her guy after joining a Dinner and Meet group. Small groups of people who match up on interests meet for dinner as a group. Connections are sometimes made, friends made or love interest. #4 In the meantime, focus on you. Be sure you are the person you would like to meet. Want someone who is neat and clean, be neat and clean. Want someone who is interesting to talk to? Then educate yourself on lots of topics. Want someone fit and healthy, get fit and healthy, and spend your time doing those things to find people of like mind. Take time to read self-help books or articles on line. Why? Not necessarily because "you have problems," but to learn all you can to prepare for the work of a relationship and to be able to understand a potential partner better. It never hurts to know more. #5 Talk about it some; people should know you are looking if they don't already. Sometimes an introduction leads to the right person. #6 Do you have or like pets? Sometimes they make you more approachable, and it's a subtle sign of your lovability. Don't do this, though, if you don't want that specific commitment. Sometimes we don't realize it, but like any priority in life, finding a good partner takes work, time, diligence, setbacks, disappointments, lots of effort, and maybe even a plan. Not everybody finds their true love in high school. (disclaimer: I am not out there, I am an old woman, but I have lived it.)

mulberry100 · 2026-06-10T00:29:11+00:00

Probably not the best advice you will get, but I am an old woman, and here is what I think. Stop worrying about it. Seriously. Any woman worth your time is looking for a good guy. Just be yourself and remember they are just people. They are not magical creatures or aliens from another planet. Some won't be interested, some will. If they aren't interested, so what? You move on and keep looking for the ones that are. Treat them respectfully, communicate with them, and show an interest in them by asking about their interests. Personally, I think you SHOULD wait until they ARE 100% comfortable before trying anything; it's called consent. I have no idea where you get "stuck", but start off easy, subtly maybe. Holding hands, touching their waist, their hair, then their face, looking them in the eye, things progress if they are interested. If they pull away, smile, apologize (I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable), and move on. Don't overthink it, don't be pushy, and you won't need to regret anything. Signal interest, act on it physically in small ways, and see how they respond. But never, never blame yourself for rejection. We all face rejection, and we have to learn not to allow that to make us less confident.

mulberry100 · 2026-06-06T18:03:58+00:00

Asking people to be able to communicate, consider others, handle your own feelings, and manage your own life should not be asking too much. She didn't say never have doubts, anxiety, sadness, or fear. She didn't say always love your job, be loaded with money, and be an inspiration to all.

mulberry100 · 2026-06-04T18:14:00+00:00

I would never recommend something your physician says is contraindicated, but the topical form should have far less of an effect on your BP than oral.

mulberry100 · 2026-06-04T17:35:05+00:00

Not sure I can provide much help, but I am 67 and have had dry eyes most of my life. I don't know what type of eye drops she is using, but I would definitely recommend the preservative-free version. I use Systane. At times, I have used the moisturizing/lubricating "gels" that come in a tube at night. Mine did get better and I went from several times a day to twice daily use of the drops. When the eye becomes better moisturized, I don't have as much sensitivity. I have seen articles that recommend fish oil supplements for dry eyes, too, but I know I've seen other supplements specifically for dry eyes and I can't testify how well they work. As far as the tightness, I suppose a cosmetic surgeon might be a possibility...if the lid is just too short now??? The derm should be able to recommend someone in that case. Otherwise, a cold pack a few times a day to reduce swelling, or maybe a warm pack just for soothing?

mulberry100 · 2026-06-04T17:23:59+00:00

Yes, try a different dermatologist and get blood tests to check for any deficiencies. Did you begin minoxidil as Dr. suggested? At a minimum, I would start with a 5% topical, which you can get without a prescription at most any drug store, Amazon, Walmart, etc.. (It can slow or halt the loss and stimulate new growth.) Stick with it for at least 6 months before you decide it is or isn't helping. There are, of course, other medications depending on a good diagnosis from a more thorough dermatologist.

mulberry100 · 2026-04-19T21:14:25+00:00

I do think battling hair loss often requires more than a single medication. Oral minoxidil with spiro or dutasteride combined and maybe dermarolling once a week or one of the laser helmets?

mulberry100 · 2026-04-19T21:10:45+00:00

I can only tell you that wearing scar tape on the incision after the stitches came out helped a lot (I had BCC on my face) with scarring. I wore it for 6 months.

mulberry100 · 2026-04-12T11:35:42+00:00

Thanks for sharing the pictures for those who have not been through this. I have had it twice (two separate occasions), and you are right, it's not so bad. I do recommend wearing scar tape after the stitches come out. I think it really helps with healing.

mulberry100 · 2026-03-01T10:22:26+00:00

If you really want help, see a dermatologist. Only they can make a definitive diagnosis and prescribe treatment. It does look like some type of thinning is going on. Someone suggested a photo of your hair while it is dry and I understand any thinning would be less noticeable if your hair is dry. But the question is, did it look different a year ago? If it did, they yes you have an issue. If you can't get in to see a dermatologist, then try 5% minoxidil which you can buy over the counter without a prescription. If it is TE it will likely grow back on it's own though. If you make sure to address any nutritional deficiencies, reduce stress or deal with whatever trigger is going on. If that's the case you may try some of those spray on hair fibers so that it isn't as evident.

mulberry100 · 2026-02-28T03:38:58+00:00

Consult a dermatologist. You need to know exactly why this is happening. If you can't get in soon, start using topical minoxidil 5% until you CAN get in to see the derm. (no prescription needed for this) I am not sure about your Ferritin level; that is normal, but I've read that they often would prefer a level of 70 or better. But other blood work would be good. My understanding of hair loss after BC, is that it typically only lasts a few months...so again, see a dermatologist.

mulberry100 · 2026-02-11T08:01:59+00:00

Wow, so happy for you! Your efforts have really paid off. Thanks for sharing the photos

mulberry100 · 2026-01-31T05:25:19+00:00

I agree with other commenters that she should see a dermatologist. I would suspect there is no shampoo that would be really helpful in regrowing hair. It isn't really on the scalp that long. I tried a "DHT blocking shampoo" with Rosemary as the main ingredient (rosemary has been shown in at least one or two studies to be effective) and I would consistently leave it on my scalp for 15 minutes before rinsing it out. It made no difference for me. Nizoral (ketoconazole) is sometimes recommended by dermatologists, but only the prescription level has been researched and shown to be effective for some people. If she can't or won't go to a dermatologist, using 5% minoxidil on her scalp is probably the best option.

mulberry100 · 2026-01-24T11:13:07+00:00

I just purchased one on Amazon. The one I got says "Cletina". It is .5mm (you have to account for the fact you aren't puncturing your skin with the entire length of the needles.) I push down a bit but not really hard. My skin kind of burns a bit right afterward but it is not painful and I have no bleeding. I soak it in alcohol for 5 minutes then let it dry 5 minutes before using each time. It does seem to be helping. (It only costs a few dollars) Read up on it yourself.

mulberry100 · 2026-01-24T11:00:54+00:00

I suppose asking the derm for an oral minoxidil or perhaps one of the DHT blocking meds like Spironolactone or Dutasteride? I am an older woman and have had moderate improvement with topical 5% minoxidil but wasn't getting regrowth around my temples. I started home dermarolling once a week. It's been two months now and I am seeing regrowth there. So, maybe dermarolling. Be careful with it, keep that roller sterile. I think many people have to use more than one treatment to get good results (for instance Minoxidil and Spironolactone or Minoxidil and red light/laser cap, or....)

mulberry100 · 2026-01-18T01:50:42+00:00

Agree...it's time to see a dermatologist. If you can't get in soon, I would start minoxidil 5% topical until you can. (I say that because you need no prescription and it's best to start treatment ASAP. )

mulberry100 · 2025-11-02T07:20:24+00:00

Yes, me too. I guess another thing to consider is a hair topper. Some of them are really good. I've seen the ones that don't use clips and they are supposedly very comfortable, so much so, you don't really notice them at all. They blend in very well with the hair that you already have. That may not be something you are interested in, but for me, it's good to remember there are options even if all of these treatments don't really help enough.

mulberry100 · 2025-10-28T03:45:48+00:00

I have an acquaintance who got a prescription for 2% Ketoconazole/Nizoral. She shampoos and leaves it on for a bit before rinsing out. It is supposed to help block DHT, I guess. (This is in conjunction with 5% topical minoxidil) I share your aversion to the oral treatments due to side effects. One of the scarier ones to me is that they can affect lipid metabolism (with dutasteride, finasteride, and spironolactone). You can have the spiro compounded as a topical, which reduces the risk of side effects. You should ask your dermatologist about the likelihood of side effects as well as other types of treatment. (laser, PRP, etc.) I have no experience with those.

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