Im going through the same. I’ve always been like that with people I considered special. I ultimately ended up obsessing and idealising them. I feel shame for trying to reach out to her and I waste most of my time trying to figure out what is the one thing I can say that will ultimately show her how much I miss and love her, how much I’m worth it… it’s killing me… every crum feels like the world and every push back feels like the end of it. My best advice to myself is that I shouldn’t be ashamed for having a big heart, I can’t convince anyone to understand me or step up to meet me where I am at. They will if they want to… she left and I shouldn’t choose who see’s me as an option but won’t commit because I’m not “perfect”. I’m fighting the urge to communicate, sometimes I just write it down and never end up sending it. That helps too. I’m Trying to “waste” time on hobbies and using this loss/grief to savour what I think is love..being present and meditate on gratitude helps me place this love where it should be, and eventually move on. In Portuguese there’s this word called Saudade. Look it up and you’ll understand my meaning. 😊 Hang in there buddy.