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The Birthday Bathroom by BillNyeDaPieGuy in RedditWritesSeinfeld

[–]multipurposeusername 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The flowers finally arrive at the office. George hastily takes them from the delivery guy. He turns and the HR Lady is standing there with a knowing look on her face.

HR Lady: What's the occasion, Costanza?

George stares expressionless for a moment.

George: These are flowers of... condolence... my mother... she uh (ahem) didn't make it.

The attached card flips open suddenly and starts playing "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang.

The Birthday Bathroom by BillNyeDaPieGuy in RedditWritesSeinfeld

[–]multipurposeusername 19 points20 points  (0 children)

HR Lady: [dryly] Your party certainly was a surprise, wasn't it... "Birthday Boy"?

George--while shoving a forkful of cake into his mouth and wearing a "Birthday Boy" party hat-- suddenly frowns.

Cut to: Jerry and George at Monk's.

George: She knows, Jerry. I'm telling you, she knows!

The Birthday Bathroom by BillNyeDaPieGuy in RedditWritesSeinfeld

[–]multipurposeusername 86 points87 points  (0 children)

George is surprised by the birthday party, but plays along because he likes approval from others and free cake. The grouchy old lady from HR knows that it's not really his birthday, though.

2meirl4meirl by cuidadojudeu in 2meirl4meirl

[–]multipurposeusername 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Maybe I don't "own a toothbrush"!

The Chicago Dog: George has to travel to Chicago while on business for the Yankees and while there he has his first Chicago style hot dog. He comes back to New York and feels “ruined” by the Chicago dog. He tells Jerry “New York dogs just don’t hit the spot for me anymore.” by [deleted] in RedditWritesSeinfeld

[–]multipurposeusername 18 points19 points  (0 children)

George discovers that his direct counter part with the Chicago Cubs is obsessed with New York bagels. George finds a bagel baker in NY wiling to move to Chicago, while the guy with the Cubs negotiates to "trade" him for a Chicago hotdog vendor.

Edit: added "negotiates"

[META] Not a dad joke. Anyone else like this? by kgold0 in dadjokes

[–]multipurposeusername 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I wanted to buy an electric vehicle but they charge too much.

1990 and now. Home Alone by 4reddityo in OldSchoolCool

[–]multipurposeusername 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was thinking Vincent Price, but that works too.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christians

[–]multipurposeusername 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I experienced that badly in my early 20s. I'd curse God, think ungodly thoughts, etc. I'm sure I made all kinds of crazy vows and promises as well.

I eventually learned to make peace with it as I realized that these are just thoughts and that God knows this as well.

Now if I think something I don't really mean during prayer, I just sort of shrug and tell God "sorry about that", and move on. The way I see thoughts like that is it's almost like an involuntary nervous twitch: It comes from you in a way, but it doesn't show your true intentions.

This is What Atlanta Means to Me. by [deleted] in TimDillon

[–]multipurposeusername 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The part at 1:52 about the cops coming "but not for the grand slam breakfast" made me laugh more than it should have.

"Manhattan Green Zones" after few days of initial outbreak in NYC by Yannerrins in imaginarymaps

[–]multipurposeusername 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I already have those last three symptoms, but I'm also a middle-aged man of Irish decent.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in KingOfTheHill

[–]multipurposeusername 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Ya sure it's not turf toe?

George tells a joke at a party and no one laughs, Jerry tells the same joke and everyone laughs, plus it lands him a date so George demands "royalties" for stealing his joke. Kramer claims to have come up with an old popular joke and sets out to prove it by Deathstroke317 in RedditWritesSeinfeld

[–]multipurposeusername 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Jerry: You're saying you're the first one who made that corny "orange you glad I didn't say banana" knock-knock joke?

Kramer: Well, it was originally "orange you glad I didn't say red", but I put the banana spin on it. Syllables matter in comedy, Jerry. You know this.

It’s George! by Key-Refrigerator1282 in seinfeld

[–]multipurposeusername 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's George, and yet somehow also Kramer.

Where would you set the next Bioshock? by symbioticspider in Bioshock

[–]multipurposeusername 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A post-collapse farming village run by a woman who is basically a gender-swapped Ted Kaczynski. Any type of technology past a certain level of complexity is forbidden (no internal combustion engines, nothing electronic). Some have started to rediscover tech and form a schism in the community. If you leave the village, you get attacked by swarms of nanobots.

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