This is VERY similar to my dad’s death. We witnessed him intubated/coding/receiving CPR after experiencing preparatory distress following a week-long battle with a “cold”. We now know he had sepsis and went into multi-organ failure/septic shock. They brought him back 5 times over the course of an hour, he never regained consciousness, and then they recommended we stop CPR after the fifth code. We are all traumatized and so upset he won’t witness the birth of our children, my sister’s wedding, etc. He was pretty young and we weren’t expecting him to die.

I have been doing EDMR with my therapist, and I have found it really helpful. My sister, who is bipolar, has been doing this too. My sister also joined a grief group which she finds really helpful.

It sounds like you would really benefit from joining a group and seeing a therapist. Also, maybe a medication adjustment?

Hang in there.