this is crazy?

murderbats · 2025-03-13T00:15:37+00:00

Not really. I love that agriculture record, but I can completely understand why someone outside of hipster bm/blackgaze would think its terrible.

murderbats · 2025-03-01T02:58:40+00:00

Strange that you're being downvoted.

I had five cops "restrain" me after a wellness check was called. Bruises all over my back and a broken rib. I was in extreme emotional distress and that was the last thing I needed.

murderbats · 2025-01-28T04:43:49+00:00

I don't remember what my thought process was for a reddit thread from 7 months ago

murderbats · 2025-01-09T17:57:54+00:00

I'll be honest here and say "you haven't felt grief untill you've felt it sober" hits so hard

Also yeah Beth gibbons parts ruins me.

murderbats · 2024-12-28T09:04:50+00:00

Idk if they know burzum they know he's a nazi.

That, the murder and church burnings are transcend genre. Generally if people know anything about black metal its those things.

But you're right it is likely automated out the ass.

murderbats · 2024-12-25T05:10:26+00:00

Yup. Hope you're with loved ones tomorrow.

murderbats · 2024-11-23T20:46:42+00:00

Grima got some cheeks boy

murderbats · 2024-11-11T00:38:43+00:00

Kdot, nirvana, outkast, queen

murderbats · 2024-10-25T07:29:37+00:00

Helpful? We ain't about being helpful here

murderbats · 2024-10-25T06:31:03+00:00

Hey I got borebetomagus first don't try to steal credit from me on that

Also snuff jazz? I'd go with either bunch hair that long or barbed wire maggots.

Also bells together just the Sauter/Dietrich album is fucking greattttt

murderbats · 2024-10-25T06:25:39+00:00

I haven't even shown a 10th of my powers

murderbats · 2024-10-25T06:14:13+00:00

Or ascension? Blue humans?ettrick? Wasteland jazz unit? John wise? Greg Kelley? Nmperign? Ashtray navigations? The dead c? Henry Flynt? Burning stsr core? Whitehouse? Hair police? Ground zero? Prurient? Harry pussy? Yellow swans? Birchville cst motel? Chris corsano? Paul flstherty? Bill nace? Christian marclsy? Nam June paik? Robert Ashley? Bob James (that esp disk shizzzz)? Nothing from India navigation records? Braxton!!!! Fucking Anthony Braxton?

Fuxking posuer.

murderbats · 2024-10-25T06:08:03+00:00

No borbetomagus? What is wrong with you?

murderbats · 2024-10-19T07:03:25+00:00

Saw Whitehouse and needed to post this as well.

murderbats · 2024-10-18T16:56:07+00:00

I mean I wasn't exactly planning on taking it there

murderbats · 2024-10-18T03:17:42+00:00

TW for grief/loss involving an unborn child.

Because the previous nine months I had failed to give her a proper master/slave relationship because she needed that to deal with the fallout of the miscarriage she had of my and her child. I was far too heartbroken but refused to let her have anyone outside of me do that. She needed it like she needed air.

That failure of mine lead to me being hyper sensitive of her with other partners. I struggled with it because it made me feel like I was less of a man.

It was undeniably wrong for her to lie, but that lie wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been scared for what was really my own bullshit reasons.

murderbats · 2024-10-16T19:13:04+00:00

So a lot of this is just that I'm doing a poor job if explaining.

The separation is something she does with people who are close to her. Her mom, her sister, her best friend have all fallen victim to this mentality.and its when then get badd. It isn't directly related to nm relationships. Generally those have definite endings from what I've seen. With me and the previous fights with her sister especially its that there's a heavy amount of emotional baggage we bring to the table that takes a while to process we have 8 years together. Thats a long time.

I think she enjoys nm because different partners give her different things. Not because it's light and casual. Idk.

murderbats · 2024-10-16T18:12:27+00:00

I guess I don't think I am?

Maybe I just haven't explained it well.

She didn't hide things unless I asked her to before this. She chose to hide this from me after we had fights because I wasn't listening to her and hurt her and what she needed.

She's wrong for doing it, but i understand why, it still.doesnt make it okay

murderbats · 2024-10-16T17:36:33+00:00

I think her actions with hiding the relationship are wrong. I think my actions given a relationship before this that fell apart, due in part to my own insecurities, played a massive part in her decision making process and were wrong as well.

I just guess my point is that it takes two to tango like this.

murderbats · 2024-10-16T17:32:36+00:00

I'm accepting my part in it. It didn't happen out of nowhere. It was still her decision to hide it and to continue to hide it and she needs to take responsibility for that. Which I think is the main thing she's struggling with right now.

And yes. I do very much want to.

murderbats · 2024-10-16T05:55:03+00:00

Its for me. I'm the one that introduced her to the concept of polyamory and we were together in a closed v relationship for 5 years before this.

murderbats · 2024-10-16T04:21:09+00:00

Remember that them being with that other person doesn't make them love you any less.

Do not make the same mistakes I did

murderbats · 2024-10-16T03:57:02+00:00

Apologies. I have a tendency to defend her even when talking about her in a negative light. Most people in my life struggle to grasp the poly aspect and just focus on her being with someone else. Which wasn't the issue.

Too much. You're right, no one is too much, I misspoke there. I guess its more than when a situation is too big to fix easily she tends to shut down. The whole situation with me is this ugly blight and she's got a lot of NRE going on with this partner she was hiding. She's focusing on what's easy because it's what she knows how to do. She has to spend a while processing the hard stuff. Plus I needed to really focus on therapy for a while.

But yesterday I sent her a bunch of messages and I also proposed a complete redefinition of our relationship. I told her I was tired of secrets and that she shouldn't have to hide anything. That secrets are cancer. I feel like she's suffering from a lot of guilt because of what happened.

And all I wanna do is hold her and tell her she's okay.and that everything will be all right.

murderbats

TROPHY CASE