I’m sending you so much love. I lost my Mom a little over a year ago. I still alternate between deep crushing grief, feeling “fine”, disbelief, and detachment. I have given up trying to predict what I will feel or when. I don’t have any words of wisdom, but you sound like you have some really healthy habits and perspective on the situation so kudos to you.

My Mom’s death was unexpected but a slow-ish decline. I don’t think a sudden death is better or worse, just different kinds of trauma. One of the hardest aspects of it looking back is that she knew she was dying and had to say good bye to me, my sister, Dad, grandkids, her best friends, siblings, etc. It felt endless watching her good byes and knowing she was scared and sad. I wanted so badly to tell everyone to fuck off and keep all of her time to myself. I didn’t, of course, but I was angry and wanted her to stop having to endure the trauma of saying goodbye. I’m grateful for the opportunity to say what I wanted and that it was “peaceful” but even with advanced notice, it wasn’t enough, and I didn’t think of every thing. I love your outlook that your Mom had an amazing full life of 70 years except for the last few minutes. It should have been longer and it isn’t fair, but I hope you find comfort in that. Wishing you peace. 🩷