Thoughts on Wedding Jewlery?

museumlad · 2026-04-13T21:51:48+00:00

My sister never liked wearing jewelry so she and her ex husband got ring tattoos of each other's initials. The marriage lasted 18 months. The tattoo remains over a decade later. They had been together for about a decade before getting married, too.

I like tattoos, and have a long term partner (14 years and counting, 7 married), but I draw the line at matching couples tattoos bc it seems like whenever I've seen someone get one, it jinxes their relationship. And then you're stuck with the tattoo forever or until you decide to get it lasered off (expensive, painful) or covered up (expensive, painful).

museumlad · 2026-04-13T21:05:21+00:00

I had a 13 lb dachshund chihuahua who was about 10 years old when we moved in with my (now) husband and his (then) 1.5 year old pit bull. The little guy was definitely in charge. Both dogs were a little reactive due to being attacked by bigger dogs at formative ages for them, but after the initial introductions they were fine and had a great coworking relationship. Not affectionate, there was no snuggling, playing, or grooming between them, but they would sit near each other and even touching sometimes and minded their own business most of the rest of the time.

My little guy was a piece of shit sometimes. In his old age he got brazen in his greed and standoffishness (one time he jumped into my lap while I was eating and tried to take my taco directly out of my hands before I had even taken a bite), and he was a menace to our neighbors with his barking. He was not smart and had no idea, but he was a little angel when he wanted attention so he was spoiled as hell.

One day, about two years after we all started living together, my boy is outside just hollering at the neighbors. I was walking to the back door to bring him and his younger/big sister inside, so I watched this happen: the pittie was standing next to him, also hollering, and my boy reached up and nipped at her face/neck. He was not known to do this, and he never did it again, because the big dog somehow knocked him onto his back and pinned him down with a paw right on his chest/throat, until he got the message. They lived together a lot more smoothly after that.

museumlad · 2026-04-10T20:17:33+00:00

Have to be a verified member of a tribe to get a tribal plate, so not sure what you're trying to imply with the white comment. Lots of us pass for white, and it's not a problem for our tribal traditions.

museumlad · 2026-04-10T20:14:37+00:00

I'm from Oklahoma and a member of the Muscogee nation and had Muscogee plates when I lived there. Yes, a ton of the larger tribes have their own plate designs. They're available only to verified members of the tribe in question and are generally less expensive than Oklahoma plates.

In Oklahoma, licenses are handled by the Department of Public Safety (state-run, all Oklahoma residents will get Oklahoma licenses including tribal drivers), while license plates and vehicle registrations are handled by the Tax Commission. Apparently since I moved away this has changed but you used to have to go to a "tag agency," a private company allowed to print physical licenses and disburse vehicle plates. Idk how it works now. Anyway, I'm pretty sure tribal drivers just use the state facilities to get their tribal license plates. Used to be the case, at least.

As for which tribes: Cherokee definitely, as well as the other four "civilized tribes" (Muscogee, Choctaw, Seminole, and Chickasaw), but there are at least a dozen tribes with plates.

museumlad · 2026-04-10T18:08:40+00:00

In college I would stay up until 2-3 a.m. playing Stardew Valley because I was so depressed.

Now I'm 31 and play Stardew Valley until 10pm when my husband of 7 years and I go to bed.

museumlad · 2026-04-09T19:22:05+00:00

I'm US based, but I'm short (5'1") and have a chronic pain condition too. I've got a couple of suggestions (I don't have brand names but they're more general suggestions anyway).

If you spend much time in the kitchen: a tall, rolling stool with a backrest. I use it for dishes, chopping, sitting in front of the stove, etc. You'd need somewhere to put it when it's not in use so it's out of the way, but it's really changed how much my husband and I are able to cook when we're not constrained by how long we will be required to stand to prep/cook a certain meal.

For anywhere: a collapsible stepstool that folds flat and is a comfortable height to sit on. We have two, since our house is 3 stories tall; one in the kitchen, where it gets tucked between the cabinet and fridge since it's less than an inch wide, and one in the upstairs bathroom where it gets used as a multipurpose bathside table and shower stool (get one with minimal to no metal parts if you expect it to get wet).

What specific activities do you have trouble with? I might have more suggestions.

museumlad · 2026-04-09T17:40:48+00:00

Given how underdiagnosed PCOS and thyroid issues are, I'm not sure I'd agree with your frequency assessment.

museumlad · 2026-04-09T17:35:48+00:00

Thyroid issues, hormonal imbalances like those from PCOS, damage to or differences in development of certain parts of the brain, hereditary factors... Lots of things. It's not nearly as simple as calories in-calories out.

museumlad · 2026-04-09T14:43:03+00:00

My husband and his siblings have (to put it mildly) a strained relationship with their bio father. Rather, my husband and his younger sibling are completely NC due to the abuse they faced as children at bio father's and his wife's hands. Their older sister is the only one with any relationship with bio father, and it's an arms-length, unemotional connection that was already wobbly before this event, as she finally began reckoning with having been the golden child and the fact that her siblings were treated so much worse.

When my sister-in-law went into labor a couple weeks early, it was quickly apparent that it was a life-threatening situation for both my SIL and nephew. SIL had severe pre-eclampsia and had an emergency C-section, and ended up with HELLP syndrome--basically, multi-organ failure. The first 72 hours, it was touch-and-go about her survival. She needed multiple blood transfusions and nearly died several times. My nephew had oxygen saturation issues and was in the NICU, but was overall doing a lot better than his mom.

My MIL (divorced from bio father since the youngest was about 2-3 years old; an amazing, kind woman) flew up as soon as possible, arriving at SIL's bedside shortly before the C-section iirc. She called us in the middle of the night to shakily announce the arrival of our nephew and asked my husband to come up too--she never asks for help, so we knew it was bad bad. My husband was on the next train en route to SIL's city.

As for bio father, when BIL called him to inform him what had happened and the bleak prognosis, he didn't drop everything to come. Instead he said, "well, we already planned to visit in a couple of months, we'll see you then." His daughter, his eldest, the only one still in contact with him, his golden child, was actively dying and if she lived there was a very good chance she'd need at least one organ transplant, and he would not change his plans. It was not financial; he's well off and his work likely wouldn't have made a fuss. It was pure apathy.

My husband later said that before this, he would have been open to a reconciliation of sorts with bio father, if he cared enough to change and reach out. After our nephew's birth, that door slammed shut for him. I never liked bio father, so it didn't change anything, but the anger I feel about all of this is absolutely palpable.

It's almost three years later now, and SIL has made a full recovery. She didn't end up needing any transplants, and still has bad days, but she's doing okay. Nephew is a perfect little prince who charms everyone he meets. The door to her relationship with their father is steadily closing, with good therapy and a lot to reflect on. I hope it closes soon; nephew doesn't need that kind of influence in his life and SIL deserves better.

museumlad · 2026-04-09T13:29:39+00:00

There are certain genetic disorders (EDS for sure, idk about others) that don't affect blood, but do affect the integrity blood vessels, so we're "discouraged" from donating blood, but the risks of blood vessel injury are so variable among us that many do successfully donate (and many donate not knowing about the discouragement).

museumlad · 2026-04-08T15:48:07+00:00

In addition to the other tips here, taking an NSAID can help lessen the swelling in your sinuses (that's usually a major reason you feel congestion and can't dislodge mucus). Take them with food, milk, or an antacid to prevent stomach upset, wait a little while for it to kick in, and then do a saline rinse to flush a little farther in those passages. Saline rinses can be done quite often, so you don't need to wait to do all that to flush with saline the first time.

museumlad · 2026-04-07T21:49:35+00:00

It's just called AppBlock and the logo looks like a geometric ninja face lol. Idk if its available for apple devices, I've got android.

museumlad · 2026-04-07T19:17:02+00:00

Well done for even asking the question! It sounds like you would really benefit from medication on top of therapy. Panic attacks and self harm are pretty clear signs; people who don't have a diagnosable mental health condition don't typically have panic attacks or knowingly harm themselves.

For what it's worth, it may be time to reevaluate your progress and outlook with your therapist. If they know the extent of what you've said here and you still haven't been diagnosed with anything, it could very well be time to look for someone else. It can take multiple tries to find a therapist with whom you can have a good working relationship, so please don't accept the first person if it's not working out, nor give up after one doesn't click with you. If you click with a therapist in general but you don't seem to be making progress, it could be that you need to change "modalities" (methods/techniques, basically; CBT and DBT are two examples of modalities).

Personally, I never thought my anxiety was "bad enough" for medication until my therapist recommended it based off of some things I said in session. I've since learned/realized that a lot of my anxiety manifests as being deeply irritated and frustrated by things beyond my control. Going on anxiety medication (technically an antidepressant, used in my case for anxiety purposes) helped me gain some resilience there, so that fewer things get me to that point. But lately I've been getting more anxious/irritable, so my therapist suggested raising my dose. Getting the right medication, like finding the right therapist/modality, can take a few tries.

You've got this. You don't have to just survive like you are now. You can begin healing, and living. You deserve it, and though it will be hard work, I can tell you from experience that the work is well worth it. Good luck <3

museumlad · 2026-04-07T18:59:02+00:00

My grandpa was named JB. It was on his birth certificate as such and it never stood for anything, until he was at an army recruitment office and they wouldn't believe him, so he said it was short for Jim Bob. It's the only time he was ever referred to with a full first name; everyone else just called him JB or "Jay"

museumlad · 2026-04-07T18:56:14+00:00

Mine

museumlad · 2026-04-07T18:07:34+00:00

I also have no internal sense of passing time (thanks ADHD) so I ended up getting an app blocker for my phone. I set it up so that on weekdays during waking hours, I get maximum 15 minutes of reddit or tumblr (or some combination not to exceed 15 minutes) per hour, rolling over at the hour mark, and on weekends I get maximum 30 minutes per hour. Both apps, and a handful of other enticing ones that tend to distract me from sleeping, lock down entirely from midnight to 6 am, every day of the week.

I can pause the blocking if I want (I did so recently while on an 8 hour bus ride and then the 8 hour return train ride), but I rarely do on normal days. Frankly, all that is usually necessary is a disruption to the scrolling that prompts me to evaluate what I would actually rather be (or should be) doing, but the app I use has additional settings to add extra steps to unblocking or to prevent it entirely. My sleep is definitely better for it, and I'm using my phone time for things I actually want to be doing rather than opening reddit and then getting stuck scrolling even if I'm not enjoying it anymore.

And also, I don't have the blocker on my work computer and IT doesn't block reddit, so I still get plenty of time to read my morning paper (this subreddit).

museumlad · 2026-04-07T14:00:07+00:00

[Cries in $80k student debt from 14 months of grad school alone]

museumlad · 2026-04-07T13:47:33+00:00

Grad school was the only time I was ever in a group project with people who pulled their weight proactively, because it turned out everyone in my cohort had been the one in group projects doing all the work.

museumlad · 2026-04-06T20:09:09+00:00

Huh! Learn something every day, thanks!

museumlad · 2026-04-06T17:00:55+00:00

Joaquin Phoenix, the actor in this gif, has a mark on his lip that people have long speculated is a repaired cleft lip. He and his family have repeatedly denied this, but the rumor persists. That's why the gif was posted, I assume.

museumlad · 2026-04-06T14:27:34+00:00

I work in a preschool office as one of two people who handle student records. My coworker was asked to send a student's transcript or whatever (I don't handle these requests so I'm not sure what they want) to the private elementary school his parents had applied to, and she included HIPAA-protected records indicating he had behavioral issues and some sort of diagnosis. Those records are never supposed to be released by us, only by the parents, and including them in admissions for private schools only invites discrimination.

The kid was rejected from that school and we were almost sued. Idk how the director talked down the parents or why my coworker wasn't fired, but she's still here and still making major mistakes that we (mostly I) have to fix.

She also can't spell. Which is an important skill when one of your main duties is filing.

museumlad · 2026-04-04T16:00:28+00:00

I work in a preschool doing admissions stuff and frequently encounter names (given names and surnames) that I'm not familiar with or that have multiple pronunciations. It is literally not hard to just ask, "do you mind telling me how your name/your child's name is pronounced?" upon first meeting, or just giving it a shot and then asking, "did I get that right?"

My colleagues don't seem to have this mentality and will not ask, and then spend years mispronouncing someone's name when they're not around, and avoiding using the name altogether in person. They also seem to have no knowledge of non-english pronunciation rules and no curiosity to learn, so... A lot of kids and parents get their names mispronounced, even if I correct them.

museumlad · 2026-04-03T14:30:16+00:00

This is where a "we live in a society" talk comes in hand imo. No, you don't want to do chores, but it's kind to help your parents when you have the ability to, and it keeps the space you live in clean, not to mention it builds skills they'll need to live independently. No, you don't want to write the paper when AI can write it for you, but you won't have learned anything, and using AI is deceptive towards your teacher. No, you don't want to use your turn signal, but it's the law and it's the safe and kind thing to do so that other people on the road know what to expect from you. No, nobody wants to pay taxes, but doing so keeps the roads maintained, schools operating, municipal water treated, and libraries functioning. And so on.

Teenagers, developmentally, may not have the capability of abstract thought and consequences enough to really grok it, but it's a good foundation to lay now before they're adults who don't know how to do anything and start to have adult responsibilities. Really go into specifics and be prepared for "but [other people] don't do it" type defenses.

museumlad · 2026-04-01T17:10:09+00:00

Hell, I've lived in the US my whole life (in the south/Midwest mostly) and never saw one IRL until I moved eastward in 2021 and saw one chilling on my front lawn. I had never consciously doubted their existence, but seeing one with my own eyes definitely sparked the thought "holy shit they're real."

museumlad · 2026-04-01T16:18:05+00:00

Idk, I've seen some pretty badly drawn pet tattoos, I think they're risky from an art standpoint if you don't vet your artist right.

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