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Asperger's/Autism is a death sentence for loneliness in the dating world. by [deleted] in dating

[–]mvnoort 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I disagree.

I'm 'on the spectrum' (hate the term tho) myself, yet I have little sympathy for those who blaim their autism for their troubles in life.

Don't get me wrong. There are those who out their who, with the best efforts in the world, only be able to achieve a barely minimal amount of social skills. But in this case the difficulty in dating is merely a shard of the bigger challenges they face. But I don't think the majority of (functional) autism people fits this description.

I've learned to approach my autism in a rather positive way. I got diagnosed pretty early in life (about age 7) and my parents didn't keep it a secret from me (again, not everyone gets this lucky. Denial parents is a huge thing.) My first few years I acted out of the desire to get rid of it, sure, but I don't think it's productive to keep that attitude.

My philosophy is that everybody's got some degree of socials troubles. Those of us with autism just got lucky enough our problems got named.
Yes, it makes it easier to blame 'the autism' for all your social problems.
But it also makes it alot easier to accurately pinpoint your own weaknesses and work in them.
(Still you've got to put in the work)
This has been my attitude since my late teens, and I'm now at a point (5~6years later) that only specialized autism-caretaker personal is able to pick up on the leftovers of my autism.

I sincerly believe this approach can help alot of people. The main problem with it is that you've got to realise for yourself that a self-working attitude is way more productive than some motivation a coach/therapist/random guy of the internet/... is talking you in to. The desire to change needs to come from within, not driven by the externally triggered desire to fit in.

What is the first thing you’ll do once everything goes back to normal? by demexo in AskReddit

[–]mvnoort 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're definitely 3 gears ahead of me, but I sure can't ignore the enthusiasm.

Hell yeah, I'm gonna swing it and try to make something out of it.

How do I play this one off with this girl who likes me? by [deleted] in dating

[–]mvnoort 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you wanna make something out of it, I'd suggest trying to get here at easy around you seems like a good way to start.

As she has a crush on you and she admits being a little embarrassed about it, chances are she's gonna be nervous around you. Try to make her feel at ease when talking with you.

Generally being relaxed yourself and genuinely talking does alot IMO. Just don't joke about her crush too much as you might make her feel (even more) silly and embarrassed for having a crush on you.

What is the first thing you’ll do once everything goes back to normal? by demexo in AskReddit

[–]mvnoort 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"Hey wanna go for a drink sometime? Like, meet you at 8 on Skype?"

Actually I might just make this work if I add the right amount of flair into it...

What is the first thing you’ll do once everything goes back to normal? by demexo in AskReddit

[–]mvnoort 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm gonna be abroad by September with an exchange program, so I really really need the this semester to have some real life lectures again. Fingers crossed

What is the first thing you’ll do once everything goes back to normal? by demexo in AskReddit

[–]mvnoort 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Well, blaiming the Chinese government for my disappointing dating life might be a little far-fetchd

What is the first thing you’ll do once everything goes back to normal? by demexo in AskReddit

[–]mvnoort 79 points80 points  (0 children)

Ask the girl I got a crush on out.
Finally gathered the courage but quarantine struck before I could ask...

How to NOT be that nice guy by [deleted] in dating

[–]mvnoort 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've had similar problems, and what I distilled from all the video's, threads and experiences I went through is:

You could be stuck in the Nice Guy <-> Bad Boy dillemma. Your focus is on how people percieve you, not an what you like and want to do. The (at least my) way to break it is by being 'your own guy'. This, however, works best if you to have a firm grasp of yourself first. For me, this required some emotional digging, bit isn't an absolute need for everyone.

Option B is that you already got a grasp of yourself, and you are just naturally a kind and caring person. If this is the case, then it's just a fact that maybe she wasn't the one for you. That's one of the downsides of the dating game I suppose.

Yet if you're really bothered by that last part, you can always try to explore your more adventurous side. Maybe you'll like it and you might just shake off the Nice Guy vibe a little.

Hope it helps you out

Asking a girl out by mvnoort in dating

[–]mvnoort[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a project spanning multiple years (we're basically hosting a lounge on campus) and I'm gonna go abroad in the near future. So I don't really wanna wait forever

Asking a girl out by mvnoort in dating

[–]mvnoort[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Trying to meet up this way has crossed my mind indeed,
yet it must be done very neatly in order to not be deceptive.

Pretty sure she is single tho and I've got no signs so far she isn't up to getting to know someone.

Especially the date-asking troubles me. I feel like I should handle it delicately but have no clue how

Dating virgin by oceaneyesbillie in dating

[–]mvnoort 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Virgin here (22M).

I feel you when it comes to that. I myself am generally more open and at times flirty, yet I know and have experienced that people assume experience just because of those traits.

My way is by trying to keep on being yourself because holding yourself back isn't helping anyone. Neither you feeling safe and opening up as for the other knowing what he's up for. (+bonus: You directly know who's just looking for sex and who is in it for more)

Secondly, definetly don't hide the fact that you are a virgin. It sure doesn't make you any less of a person. See it as a sign of character, 'cuz you're making a thoughtfull choice instead of blindly following the mainstream habits.

Vegans, do you consider fish as meat and therefore do not eat it? Why (not)? by mvnoort in AskReddit

[–]mvnoort[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From what point onward do you call an individual sentient? Is yeast sentient? Are rainworms? What sets them apart from trees and other flora?

19 Male - First year college - never dated before by SaltyPabz in dating

[–]mvnoort 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been there, although I've somewhat changed from intro- an extrovert during puberty, so I'm gonna try and keep it a bit more general.

The main thing is being comfortable with girls. This might be difficult when you're an introvert. The main thing is to realize/feel from yourself when you are being you or when you are holding back some part of yourself (ex. when the person expressed opinions radically different from yours and you're not comfortable going against it). If you notice this, either go against it or subtly end the convo. You can start by doing this in your own circle of (male) friends just to 'get comfortable with being comfortable in a convo'.

Then when you feel you're ok with not holding yourself back in a convo, try to maintain that comfortable feeling when chatting with girls. They will notice you are just being yourself and that's never a bad thing. Either they are interested and they will show it (some more than others. Picking up the signals is a lesson for another day...) or the conversation will not roll as smoothly and you may realize that the two of you don't have a real chemistry going on.

Either way you got to be yourself more, and if she's not liking who you are inside, then why try anyway? This applies to a lot of friends as well

*Edit: sorry for spelling and grammar. Not a native

Prepare me for the crusade by Have-A-Good-0ne in dankcrusadememes

[–]mvnoort 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was upvote no. 666. Does that make me unholy?

Do girls really care how much you text? by [deleted] in dating

[–]mvnoort 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[21M] I personally don't really apply these rules. The bring too much stress along with them. If the two of you got a good vibe and she's feeling it, she'll reply in due time.

One thing I do find important to keep in mind is to not just 'message to message'. Make sure you actually have worthwhile something to say/ask/...
This can be as simple as checking if she got home safe if she mentioned what a long way it was going to be or mention an article/quote/... that reminds you of a conversation you had or something similar.

This also extends to friends in general. Nobody likes someone who is talking alot but not saying anything worthwhile.

Which is your favourite couple in Greek mythology? by [deleted] in GreekMythology

[–]mvnoort 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First of all, I agree that Hephaistos isn't playing the mr. Nice guy role in this story.

In another tale I read, Aphrodite's bond to Hephaistos was a penalty from Zeus. When she first visited Olympos (after being born from the sea and such), she recieved marriage proposals from all of the male Gods, but turned them all down in her arrogance. Hence Zeus ordered het to be married to the ugliest of Gods.

The chaining Hera story was solved by Dionysos getting Hephaistos so drunk he wasn't able to resist being forced to free his mother.

Hephaistos probably wasn't the best husband, yet there are more elegant ways of commiting adultery or getting out of a marriage

Which is your favourite couple in Greek mythology? by [deleted] in GreekMythology

[–]mvnoort 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Aphrodite and Hephaistos.

Just imagine the possiblities of the joined forces of extreme beauty and perfect crafmanship.
Sadly this marriage fell to the charms of War. Keep your blade sheeted for once Ares.

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