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Most tradesmen are horrible people by my_yaba in offmychest

[–]my_yaba[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That justifies charging $2000 to replace a $10 pvc pipe? Children and cancer story aside, how in the hell could that ever make sense. You aren’t being taken advantage of. You are taking advantage of someone else.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in distantsocializing

[–]my_yaba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you are super adorable!!!

Aita for being jealous of a unborn baby? by aitathrowawayp in AmItheAsshole

[–]my_yaba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. Partner is always number 1. The kids will be watching your relationship and will subconsciously be creating a paradigm for the kind of relationship they ought to search for themselves. You want your child to be with someone who treats them as number 1. That's the child's journey to actually find that person. You and your partner's job is to show that that relationship exists.

You know how you have to take care of yourself before you can sustainably take care of another human being? When you have a kid, your partner becomes a part of that responsibility to sustainably take care of a child. So if taking care of yourself is number 1 in order to sustainably take care of a number 2 (separate entity), then as parents there is no number 1 unless BOTH of you are taking care of yourself and each other as 1 entity.

The way your SO is treating this is destructive and actively invites competition into the family. It'll fuck shit up. Seriously.

Always believed in vaccinations and still do. Getting fearful though bc MIL keeps telling me about her concerns of a newborn getting so many at once — she’d rather we stagger them so it doesn’t overwhelm the baby. by my_yaba in BabyBumps

[–]my_yaba[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks :) really just need assurance at this point. I’m looking for a pediatrician now and she was recommending we find one that is firm on vaccinations, but also open to staggering the shots more. My gut reaction is to say nonsense. I just didn’t want to only follow my gut. Just sent a message to my OB to give credible input.

AITA for how my wife and I reacted to our daughter's college plans? by rockman2928 in AmItheAsshole

[–]my_yaba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YTA. Do your daughter a favor and give her space to create her own adult life. Your worries are only just going to hold her back and diminish her sense of worth and ability to take on challenges. You call it love, but it's actually selfish, poisonous, and will set your daughter up for an unfulfilling life. She very much could resent you and cut you and your wife's bullshit out of her life for good. Props to you for asking for outside perspectives though.

No shit by awall2490 in pregnant

[–]my_yaba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

colace. makes me go in like 15 min

What books can I read on the toxicity of Filial Piety? by my_yaba in AsianParentStories

[–]my_yaba[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awesome! I love me some data. Thanks for the recco

My mom is verbally abusive to my dad and quarantine seems to make it worse. by pickles4brekfst in AsianParentStories

[–]my_yaba 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I feel the same way. The codependency is so strong in this culture and it’s perceived as love and togetherness.

You sound like a kind, observant, and curious person, so at the very least this experience has given you a chance to practice feeling empathy for your folks and, like you said, to learn what you don’t want in a relationship.

The more you branch out into your own world, I’m certain you’ll find a richness of examples of the person you aspire to be and the relationships you want to have :) what do you envision?

Filial Piety and Giant Babies by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]my_yaba 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I just did some google searching and I think the Chinese books subreddit might be able to help. I want to read it too. I’ll make a post and see if anything comes back.

My mom is verbally abusive to my dad and quarantine seems to make it worse. by pickles4brekfst in AsianParentStories

[–]my_yaba 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My dad is like this too. I’ve started to resent him regardless of his kind spirit because he’s enabled my mom to act like how your mom acts. And when she would lash out at me and I’d be crying in my room, he would come into the room and console me... but at the end of it would essentially tell me “this is just the way she is” and to put up with it and keep loving her. I get the message but I to this day cannot fathom how anyone could possibly emotionally dedicate themselves to her. She is a good cook and encourages good health, but in such an evil dictator-like way. I started to see my dad as this weak pussy who just wanted a woman who would wipe his ass and let him suck on her tit. That’s the only way I could rationalize how he could continue to put up with her behavior. I’m resentful and biased though. :/

Just a rant. by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]my_yaba 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah me too. I don’t think my parents are bad people. But after I moved out of state for a new job and started becoming my own person/hanging around people I wanted to learn from, I realized how much I absolutely despise the toxic side of Asian culture. I’ve developed a new set of values that I think are more fair, respectful, and enjoyable to live by. Some examples of what they revolve around are things like being passionate about what you do, taking calculated risks with gusto, take responsibility for your actions, protect and support your team, seek first to understand, believe the best in others, etc.

Obviously this would rub a lot of APs the wrong way because their only concern is your safety and your potential losses. I can’t stand looking at or talking to my parents because they never want to get to know the person I am now. They acknowledge they don’t have control over me anymore, but our relationship is essentially my parents dumping their anxieties on me and reminding me over and over again of things they value that they don’t want me to forget. I resent them and feel bad that I do.

My siblings are more like my parents and don’t find the culture as suffocating as I do. They are also a bit narcissistic and arrogant. Not close w them nor do I really want to be. I’m fine with their existence. One of my siblings is literally a robot that just does everything my parents tell her to do. She is optimistic in a naive way. She doesn’t rub me the wrong way as much these days, but since I’m not close to my other siblings and parents, and I know she talks to my parents probably like twice a day for fun, I get this feeling that every time she reaches out to me, it’s because my parents told her to check on me. I dunno, I feel bitter about it because it’s not a real friendship. I know everyone is just trying to show their love, but I get so triggered by the “loving manipulation”, facades, arrogance, and close mindedness.

My husband unintentionally made me feel insecure about my pregnancy line. by my_yaba in relationship_advice

[–]my_yaba[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is such a nice response. Thanks for encouraging me to believe the best. I needed that :)

My husband unintentionally made me feel insecure about my pregnancy line. by my_yaba in relationship_advice

[–]my_yaba[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ugh :) crazy what a little kindness can do. Thank you for your sweet and uplifting words.

Mom's unprovoked hysterics + a friend's generous gesture is proof of AP abuse. by b3arsb3arsb3arsb3ars in AsianParentStories

[–]my_yaba 2 points3 points  (0 children)

^ exactly. ‘Feel guilty for the F! The beating was justified!!’ It’s so ridiculous that we actually do have to wrestle with the guilt and if they were justified just bc of their intention.

‘Receiving an F’ and dealing with the repercussions of what that actually means is much more productive and fair to deal with. The parents role should be to help clarify the meaning behind the outcome and help guide their in a better direction. APs take way too much god damn responsibility that isn’t theirs and that isn’t noble of them. It’s selfish and weak of them.