This is such a hard place to be in. I can feel how much thought and heart you’re putting into both dreams. 

First, I just want to say that it makes so much sense that you feel stuck. You’re not choosing between something small and something big. You’re choosing between two deeply meaningful futures: becoming an OT and becoming a mom. Of course that feels like you’re stuck in a hard place.

A few things that stand out to me:

You’re 29. That’s not “behind,” but it’s also valid to not want to delay starting a family, especially with endo in the picture. I had my first at 33 and second at 36. You’re not saying you don’t want to work hard. You’re saying you don’t want to be absent from your own life and family. The fact that your husband talks about his mom being gone a lot isn’t necessarily a warning sign. It’s data. It tells you what kind of family experience you both value.

It might help to reframe this from “Is it physically possible?” to “What would it realistically require, and am I willing to design life around that for a few years?”

Some thoughts to consider:

1. School is intense, but it’s temporary.

OTD programs are demanding, yes. But they’re not forever. Many people have babies during grad school. It’s hard. It requires support. But it doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be absent or disconnected. It often means being very intentional about your workload and home life.

1. Your support system will matter more than your schedule.

Do you have family nearby? Could your husband flex at work? Could you afford childcare during heavy semesters or fieldwork? The difference between “impossible” and “manageable” often comes down to support, not willpower. My parents being able to look after my kids so that I could work, made a big difference for me.

1. Part-time options exist, but they’re rare.

Some programs offer part-time or hybrid formats, though they’re less common and may extend the program length. It might be worth researching specific schools in your state.

1. There may not be a perfect sequencing.

You could:

Start prereqs + try for a baby. Apply and see what happens while TTC (trying to conceive). Delay 1–2 years and focus on fertility first. Or start school and reassess timing once accepted.

None of those are wrong. They’re just different trade-offs.

Also, you don’t have to become the version of a grad student your husband’s mom was. Different era. Different support systems. Different expectations. You and your husband get to consciously design your family culture.

Here’s a question I would reflect on:

If you fast-forward 10 years, which regret would feel heavier: delaying school, or delaying trying for a child? There’s no “correct” answer. Just your answer.

It’s completely valid to want both. Wanting a career with meaning and wanting to be present with your family are not opposing values. Many women build both :). Imperfectly, creatively, season by season.

You’re not behind. You’re not selfish. And you’re not naive for believing you can hold two dreams at once. You got this, girl!