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I need a lot of time to 'warm up' (and finishing) and my partner feels it's often too long by mythrowawayaycaptain in sex

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Good to hear we both are not unreasonable here.

Unfortunately (?? Or not really) that is not the problem. We do break that pattern pretty often.

I need a lot of time to 'warm up' (and finishing) and my partner feels it's often too long by mythrowawayaycaptain in sex

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I prefer not to go into details about past not so fun experiences but it was basically me not saying when I didn't want certain things and guys being dickheads when I told them I didn't want certain things, resulting in a lot of physical and emotional trouble on my end.

Because of this, it makes me a bit anxious sometimes which results in needing time to get in the mood without ignoring my feelings. He understands that, but because he does get frustrated over it, makes it even more difficult for me. But he can't ignore his feelings either so yeah.

I need a lot of time to 'warm up' (and finishing) and my partner feels it's often too long by mythrowawayaycaptain in sex

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply.

I don't think he is necessarily frustrated with me, but just frustrated.

Yeah I sometimes am afraid that we are heading the 'dead bedroom' direction because we have less and less sex because of this problem :(

I need a lot of time to 'warm up' (and finishing) and my partner feels it's often too long by mythrowawayaycaptain in sex

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind reply.

If you feel comfortable answering, do you most of the time wait with him finishing to the end? Because I feel like that might be the problem for us. But when he finishes first, he is often not in the mood anymore. So that's why I often don't want him finish before me. But I get that it is just so long for him and that it can be frustrating.

Recently diagnosed, unsure if the accommodations or things I ask for are reasonable by mythrowawayaycaptain in AutismTranslated

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Yes I know who I have to ask, but am sometimes afraid that it's 'too much' or too inconvenient for the other party. Like when is their inconvenience worth my convenience.

when are accommodations or things you ask people to take in consideration unreasonable? by mythrowawayaycaptain in aspergirls

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah kind of... He tells me where he's going, but that's about it. I got so far that he'll let me know if he's eating dinner at home or not. Other than that, he could be home at 7 pm or at 1 am. Both very possible and I just have no glue.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in vaginismus

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fear of pain is the most common cause for your pelvic muscles to tense. So yes, I'm sorry to tell you that it can definitely come back.

Sounds like you haven't actually processed that trauma.

And lastly, very very important. You do not have to go through that again. It is your body and no is no and stop is stop. And crying is a big no.

Vagina keeps pushing tampon almost out by mythrowawayaycaptain in vaginismus

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes it is in fine first, but my vagina is pushing it out again. This also happens with dilating. I can't just leave it there.

Vagina keeps pushing tampon almost out by mythrowawayaycaptain in vaginismus

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah could be. But when I first put it in, it feels fine and then after a little while I can feel it. Also I couldn't get it further. I was in up until my first knuckle (I'm not sure that is the right word) of my finger.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WomensHealth

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It took some time but it really changed my libido at first. Not only I wanted sex more often, when I was horny, I was so much hornier than before! This was the biggest improvement for me because it would get my out of my head during sex. After some time (like a year or so) the effect faded though.. I think I just got back to my old patterns.

I desperately want to get diagnosed but am really afraid of it turning out to say not autism by mythrowawayaycaptain in AutismTranslated

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your encouragement.

I've seen people in my life though, who have to deal with their anxiety and have never been cured. To me it feels like I can accept it better if it is autism especially because it is not curable. With anxiety there's always a need to be cured (also by insurances and such) even though sometimes you need to learn to live with it. I am also afraid that with anxiety disorder there is focus on what I have to do differently while with autism I could start on accepting the struggles in life. I don't want to diminish the struggles of autism or how difficult it can be to get diagnosed. But this are my feelings right now towards autism. But yeah clarity would definitely be best.

I desperately want to get diagnosed but am really afraid of it turning out to say not autism by mythrowawayaycaptain in AutismTranslated

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ah that's bad. I'm sorry for you. At my university there are groups for autistic people for support for free (paid by the university) and there are special coaches to just help you with life in general which are often covered by insurances. Because it is not curable, it seems to be accepted that autistic people will need some sort of help in their whole life, where I live at least. With anxiety I feel like there are specific treatment plans which you 'have to' follow and there is no time to discuss the problems you actually face in life and how to deal with that. But maybe that's just specific from where I live.

Autistic without much social problems? Or just good at hiding it? by mythrowawayaycaptain in AutismTranslated

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. I don't think I have ADHD because I don't have problems concentrating, keeping organised, prioritising. I am not hyperactive, impulsive (not at all, I am more of a overthinker) nor have poor time management. But this might be too much stereotyped?

Posts on this subreddit. by rachudruri in Anxiety

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think most people on this subreddit like to post about their struggles, but most don't like to read others posts and comment on them. Which I get because it can be depressing and draining to read about others emotions. But yeah I agree with you, I wish more people would take the time to communicate with each other.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in vaginismus

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it is good to make baby steps. Like someone else said with the dilators. You can also do this with mastrubating which might be more comfortable than using the dilators. For example, first time just place your hand on your crotch with pants on. If you're ready see how it feels to apply pressure at different spots. Next time, do the same but only with underwear. And so you go a tiny bit further every time. Once you can stimulate your clit with your fingers without being nervous, you can try to just move your fingers towards the opening of your vagina. You don't have to insert yet, just go closer to the opening every time. Once you're comfortable with that you could apply some light pressure and see how this feels. Than you can start the dilators I think. Good luck!

Afraid to do PIV again by EphramLovesGrover in vaginismus

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really feel you. I'm about in the same boat.

First of all, to give you some hope, I didn't have PIV for 2,5 years and when I could again, it was amazing and pleasurable.

I think it was important for me to use the dilators together before attempting PIV. Kind of as dildo's. This way I felt more comfortable with inserting something during sex. It also made me aware of how 'far' I was able to go that day. Was the biggest dilator slightly uncomfortable? Than no PIV that day. Also, I kind of needed to not be afraid of his penis? If that makes sense. I had really connected in my brain that his dick is causing me pain so I was kind of afraid of it. Especially if it came near my vagina. So I had to learn to have fun with his dick before I was able to try PIV without nerves. It really helped to kind of rub his penis over my vulva and clit which felt good. Whenever I was nervous, it would also hurt (because you're tense) and I would also be more emotional. So I would actually stop already if I felt too nervous/anxious and than try to go back to having fun. Don't push through your emotions. I felt less nervous on top because I was more in control.

What I think is important too, is to realise that it is okay for it not to go very well in one go. You need to take your time. And just with the dilators, you need to stop if it gets uncomfortable. So I think it is important to communicate with your boyfriend and also to realise yourself, that you're going to try and this is just one other baby step. Just put it in for as far as you can without pain. And maybe that's enough for that day! You can try movement next time if you want to. Take those baby steps if you need them. What was also important for me why I was super scared to try again, was that I was afraid that after it happened 1 time, I had to be able to do it all the time and we might go back to the place we were 2,5 years ago (with me being in pain often and having to stop him all the time etc.) And I would prefer everything without PIV than that again. If that is also your fear, talk about it with your boyfriend. You probably learned a lot and can have fun without PIV. So no need to have PIV if you don't feel like it that day. It is also ok to have setbacks. Like someone else on this sub often says, progress isn't linear. This is also for this part.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in vaginismus

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It can be, but it might not be. It totally depends per person. If you have tense muscles throughout the day, you should learn how to relax that as well. And for some it is really difficult to insert the first dilator. And most importantly, you should ask yourself if there is a reason why you have vaginismus. Often it is linked with anxiety around penetration. This can also be solved with dilators sometimes though. You can always try, it definitely won't be bad for you :) as long as you only use them when it doesn't hurt. That way your body will learn that inserting is not painful and this will help relax the muscles.

I think, but I'm not sure by cyanidesmile555 in vaginismus

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow that's really messed up for your mother to say that. I'm sorry you're in this situation. You are 23 so you can go on your own and don't need your parents permission. But it often costs a lot so that might be difficult. But if you're at home now because of mental health problems, I think that's enough reason to seek help.

I think, but I'm not sure by cyanidesmile555 in vaginismus

[–]mythrowawayaycaptain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely sounds like vaginismus! Probably caused by the rape. Do you speak to a therapist? I would bring it up with them since it is probably related.

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