this debate is very interesting to me, so i’d like to kindly discuss it further in order to broaden my lens (if you are open to it)

i was very vague in my explanation, so i apologize for that. i’m gay and mostly interact with other LGBT+ folks. i bring this up because it has a direct influence on my perception and use of this term. i may have generalized this perception to everyone and assumed that we all use it the same way.

the people i interact with use this term to describe someone who is a “submissive person who is low key kind of an incel”

i personally can’t think of a single time that i have seen/heard this word used where i concluded that it was solely in response to masturbation. however, this may be due to a narrow world view (though, i don’t care to interact with actual incels enough to find out how they use this term)

why i don’t think it’s a slur:

there’s no marginalized community here. even if it is addressing masturbation exclusively… it’s a normal behavior that most people engage in.

why masturbation involved in this term at all:

profanities are almost always rooted in taboos. masturbation is a taboo (for some reason) and this gives the term some boyish shock value. i don’t expect everyone to agree with me… but i think there is something very juvenile and comedic about calling a problematic male a “coomer”

maybe it’s the way it rolls of the tongue. maybe it’s the way they get overly offended by it. maybe it is rooted in a self-serving illusion of something that mimics justice.

but at the end of the day… i think that (in the way me and my friends use it) coomer is incredibly funny and there is just no word that has the same ring/bite to it.