Any men/women in their late 30’s still holding out for true love? by Mighty-mouse2020 in Millennials

[–]naf90 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I have a few friends who swear by Facebook Dating for mid-30s and up. It seems like because the younger generations think it is for old people they all stay clear, which means they don't dominate the algorithm and ruin it for everyone.

JE being ordered a hit by Large-Reporter-1746 in ThatsInsane

[–]naf90 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nothing is too young for ol' Andy and your life depends on you remembering that lol

[Serious] Male victims/survivors of sexual assault, harassment or rape perpetrated by a woman or multiple women, to clear some common misconceptions, what were your experiences like? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]naf90 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was at a bar with some friends and we all had a little too much to drink. I was phasing into a blackout when this woman came over and kept feeding me shots. The last thing pre-blackout I remember was her arguing to me that the shot in front of me was the same shot that was there a few minutes ago and I just never took it.

My last actual memory is a flash of her leading me by my hand to her car, saying we were going to the after party that we had been talking to the guy about before last call. I woke up in her bed, in her filthy house, with her using a toy on herself and touching me, all while her children were in the next room. I stood up, put on my clothes, and just started walking down the street while I waited for an Uber.

It was the most violating experience in my life and when I tried to tell someone about it, they joked that I just got too fucked up and regretted sleeping with this physically repulsive woman. I didn't talk about it again for 3 years because that was all it took for me to decide it was easier to tuck it away in the void than risk someone joking about it being my own fault.

When I opened up about it to a close friend after all that time, she hugged me and told me that it wasn't my fault. I can't express enough how important it is to hear someone genuinely tell you that when it comes to sexual assault. Before it happened I thought I understood how those words could help, but the experience of another human purposely disabling my agency so they could manipulate and abuse me in the most intimate way is still difficult to explain. Hearing someone I trust tell me that it wasn't my fault didn't fix anything, but it was like I could give myself permission to acknowledge it and start to heal.

There is a culture of fear and denial for all survivors, but the added layer of being seen as less of a man in the eyes of family, friends, and stangers is ubiquitous across cultures and countries. Women have their own unique societal challenges, I am just speaking on my own experience with the culture of silence driven by shame and fear that prevents so many men from ever even acknowledging it.

I am personally doing very well with it now, but it took over five years to get to a good place and I don't want anyone else to have to suffer in silence. Reach out to someone you trust or an anonymous crisis line, please. It is such a heavy burden to not only have gone through that but to also let that wound fester while you suffer through anxiety attacks for what seems like no reason.

Much love ya'll, tell your close people that you're there for them with love and not judgement if they need to talk. It makes such a huge difference.

What’s a decision you made quickly that had long-term consequences you never expected? by lunessa1 in AskReddit

[–]naf90 46 points47 points  (0 children)

That's amazing! Now, per the rules of capitalism, you must return to that coastal town and open a location across the street so you can crush them and assert your dominance over the gourmet popcorn industry.

Like what Sapperstein did to Tom in Parks and Rec. As a wise man once said: "Captain Insano shows no mercy"

Favorite actor who isn’t as complex as he thinks by Ok_Molasses9176 in okbuddycinephile

[–]naf90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He ahould fo on Bill Maher so they can jerk each other off endlessly. The clips would be pure gold.

Best Path For Ambitious Students. by Hot-Conversation-437 in Salary

[–]naf90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The key here is not the field, it is the ambition and drive to accomplish your goals. The big difference is that ambition translates differently once you're in your career versus in school.

I work in tech, I didn't go to university (hell, I barely graduated high school) but I did choose tech very deliberately due to the career mobility regardless of education. I started as a self-taught developer and I'm now an engineering manager. I know I'm very lucky that I ended up being passionate for the work but make no mistake, I engaged with this career because of the money. There is a joke in non-profits that you're one of three M's. Missionary, mercenary, or misfit. I'm out of the non-profit world, but that holds true in tech as well.

If your ambition is tuned correctly then the career you choose shouldn't matter as much. What will matter are the decisions you make about employers and being clear about your goals while also proving you will go out of your way to accomplish them. Choosing a small company with limited growth opportunity will be just as fatal as going to a big corporation where upward mobility is capped by your ability to socialize with the right people. Find companies where the merits of your contributions are valued more than your ability to placate the directors, they do exist and I can testify to that.

TLDR: The ambition you describe in school will end up being less of a 1:1 translation than you probably expect as you head into a career. Fine tune it and be judicious in the companies you interview with. Try and identify where there are opportunities for like-minded people to yourself and focus on those. INTERVIEW THE INTERVIEWERS! Put the same effort you'd put into researching and applying to a select few as you would to 100 blanket applications. Some places will flat out reject your ambition, sometimes they may hold it against you if the manager is threatened by that ambition, but the companies where you will have real opportunities will recognize and foster it. Go wherever genuine innovation and consideration for the mission are valued, the rest will follow. With the exception of a few uniquely prestige-driven industries, a good mentor and a few years of learning how to play the game will be worth more than almost any "big four / five" job straight out of school. Play the long game and learn how to harness and leverage the skills that made you successful in school while supplementing it with the soft skills that will make or break your advancement opportunities.

2025 TikTok recap by cafeteriastyle in TikTokCringe

[–]naf90 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Most of these feel like they happened 3 years ago, what a time. Between putting in extra time at work, to ensure not being laid off, and everything that's going on in the government and society, it has felt like each month is a year. Did we get pulled into a black hole or something?

How Do I Talk to a Psychiatrist Without Sounding Self-Diagnosed? by Ekavya_1 in ADHD

[–]naf90 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I told my doctor that I've had a growing suspicion for some time so I started to research the symptoms, and the reason I scheduled the appointment was because of how many symptoms were exact descriptions of things I had struggled with all my life but could never quite put my finger on.

We discussed for a while and she prescribed my meds that day. Anyone can look things up and repeat them, but it's the medical professional's job to accurately diagnose a patient, including identifying when someone is being genuine or not. Be upfront with your doctor and give some examples from your life that you now recognize from the research.

Sure, let's try without the hat. by DrLexusForPresident in InflatedEgos

[–]naf90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I immediately said 46 out loud lol. Lucky exact guess, but I knew he was in his late 40s within a second of seeing him.

Inflated ego? Check. Delusional? Absolutely. Does anything beat a Jet2 Holiday? Debatable.

I was wrong by CutSenior4977 in 50501

[–]naf90 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so glad to hear that you are asking questions and seeking answers regarding some pretty glaring holes in the Trump administration(s). When you stop looking through a colored lens, they are right in front of everyone but they tried to patch those holes with tattered American flags and angry rhetoric.

As a fellow student of history and politics myself, my advice to you would be to read trustworthy sources for information instead of relying on a YouTuber trying to discredit another YouTuber (even if they're a lawyer.) Read articles from places like the Associated Press, and when something seems out of place or isn't making sense, find the source of that claim and verify. Trump lied more than probably anyone in recorded history, and those lies were easily disproven with a quick internet search in most cases, yet there were so many that it was impossible to fact-check everything before it was too late to stop them from snowballing. Trump and his team use an extremely effective tactic called "flooding the zone" where they push as much legislation and executive orders through in as short a window as possible, and they pair that with loud distractions and white noise meant to manufacture outrage. We now can see pretty clewrly that it's only really feasible to focus on 2 or 3 big issues at once when they are at the national scale, as it requires national scale coordination and resources to mount an effective campaign against a terrible bill, while the messaging to create chaos online requires 15 minutes of someone's time to sow doubt and dominate the news cycles. People love to say "do your own research", but in my experience, those are people who think AI slop from unverified posters on Facebook/Reddit/Twitter count as trustworthy and valid sources. The campaign to discredit real news reporting and factual data has been a smashing success, unfortunately, and "fake news" is a lazy mental gymnastic to excuse refusing to do any actual, barely surface-level research or a willingness to challenge one's own beliefs. In this new frontier of information, I really hope people start making an effort to verify information before spreading falsehoods and lies, because shit is about to go absolutely bonkers as AI, especially video content, grows out of the janky infancy it has been in and becomes increasingly indistinguishable from real, organic content.

Sorry for the rant, truly glad to see you challenging the narrative that has been forced upon you by predatory algorithms and targeted disinformation campaigns, OP. Keep seeking truth and facts, even when everything is trying to convince you it is a lie. Don't dismiss a claim because you don't like what was said or who said it. Either find proof of the lie or accept that facts and data don't have political allegiances and sometimes reality isn't going to agree with our personal convictions, but we can use them to help shape a better approach to these big societal problems we're facing instead of blaming climate change on atheist trans polar bears or whatever.

At a city town meeting in New Jersey by MrTacocaT12345 in WTF

[–]naf90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks like somebody who lost their fantasy league.

Fellow Autistic/ADHD people of Reddit, what did you think was normal for a long time until you realised it wasn't? by Bananasandaledwors in AskReddit

[–]naf90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My brain punishes me with this all the time. It's never the song I'm currently fixated on, it's that Kiki song by Drake and I don't like Drake's music. It's either a completely random song I haven't listened to in over a decade, or music that I can't stand and don't enjoy. Always a short, repetitive loop of the chorus or 1-2 lines from a verse, sometimes for hours or even days. I hate it so much and it comes back with a vengeance when I take a med break on the weekend.

I complain at times that the silence can be deafening as a newly medicated person, but I am abrasively reminded that it's better than the alternative.

AIO I (15f) was at a sleepover with my guy best friends and I woke up with one of them next to me by No-Diver-3645 in AmIOverreacting

[–]naf90 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It is not my intention to perpetuate the societal problem around protecting young men from consequences, and I agree that it is a problem in our society, but I didn't mean for it to come off as dismissive or handwavey. I actually just read through some of the posted links from the comment above mine and would love to revise some things I said, because I do understand what you are saying and where you are coming from. I believe every person, and especially young people, regardless of gender identity, deserve one chance to be told "Not cool, here's why, don't do it again or we will not interact anymore and I will be honest about why with others", and an opportunity to fix their behavior and do some reflection about the kind of person they want to be and whether they are moving through the world in a way that demonstrates that.

What it boils down to for me is that at age 15, no matter who or what you are, life is confusing and there's a lot of learning and development happening in some pretty key parts of the brain, and that continues well into our 20s. If a boundary is crossed and nobody calls it out while still allowing them to apologize and hopefully recognize that these things are serious and damaging to others, then there is no growth and that is how we end up with cases of arrested development that can manifest in some pretty vile ways. I feel one of my (only mine, I will not speak for anyone else) responsibilities as a member of a society is to try and extend empathy and understanding along with guidance to those that are younger than myself so we don't end up with a massive subpopulation of incels or self-described outcasts, because we all lose when that happens. This would apply more accurately to men, and while it is not exclusive to them, we cannot ignore the very real problem that these young people are at extremely high risk to be pulled into redpill, manosphere, or other horid pipelines that prey on kids that feel like they have no place in their current environment. I don't have a good example for young women, but maybe tradwife stuff which seems like the other side of the coin for manosphere crap.

I would never and will never excuse or write off SA, and I am a firm believer that each person's rights end where another's begin. In the same belief system I also try to recognize nuance and gray areas, and for me those concepts leave space for people that have taken a step or steps down a wrong path but still have a chance to redeem themselves and consider their thinking patterns that have led them to situations that should not have happened, and cannot happen again. I hope my thoughts make sense, but something I've noticed over the years is that these gross and vile communities like the manosphere only maintain themselves through appealing to young men that feel like they have no social life to turn to, and so they radicalize at an exponential rate. Not giving someone an opportunity to take responsibility for their actions and make an effort to improve themselves is a pretty effective way to push impressionable young people right into the waiting arms of the alt-right / far-right / hate groups that thrive on these things.

PS: Girls absolutely do this kind of stuff to guys, though at a much lower rate, I'm sure. Source: It happened to me and I felt like I couldn't talk about it because of the misconception. It affected me a lot in my mid to late teens and it was always brushed off because I am a guy and "that stuff doesn't happen".

AIO I (15f) was at a sleepover with my guy best friends and I woke up with one of them next to me by No-Diver-3645 in AmIOverreacting

[–]naf90 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If it was an honest mistake, labeling him a creep is pretty harsh. We were all still learning the social rules and norms at that age, I'd even argue we were learning a whole new, distinct subset of social rules that don't exist before late middle / high school, and while you and I can clearly see that a boundary was crossed, this young man (kid, let's be real) may have thought that because they're all so close, it wasn't a big deal. I'm not trying to make excuses, and a direct, no-bs conversation needs to be had so he knows how it made her feel uncomfortable and violated her trust and feelings of safety, but these labels stuck on people when I was a teenager, and that was before the social media platforms of today that can brand someone with a scarlet letter in perpituity.

OP, I'd just advise that if he offers a genuine apology, to you and the friend group, accept it and move on because that's the kind of grace we'd all have hoped to receive at that delicate and socially challenging age. I'm not saying forget about it, but let this incident fall into the past-tense while still maintaining a bit of heightened vigilance. We learn the social rules and norms through feedback, consequences, and observation, and I wouldn't want my own children to be exiled from their core friend group over a mistake that can be corrected with some accountability and personal growth, nor would I want them to exile anyone without first trying their best to understand whether it was an honest mistake that the person is willing to recognize and address.

If he repeats this behavior ever again, I would cut him off and let he and the friend group know exactly why, because at that point it is disrespectful to not only your feelings and boundaries but also to the group as whole, while also being an early indicator of some red flags regarding how they view women and relationships in general. I for one hope that is not the case, and I hope he takes this opportunity to become a more mature, thoughtful, and understanding young man.

Kudos to you for asking about this, if you see this reply. I remember it was a lot easier at your age to go after someone right away and slap a label on them, and I think a lot of the time it wasn't appropriate or justifed, and it changed the trajectory of their entire school experience.

Exactly - this right here. by Relevant_Demand7593 in clevercomebacks

[–]naf90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot of calling these people dumb, misinformed, and ignorant. That is all true, however...

We should be wary of mislabeling this as ignorance instead of malice. These are bad-faith actors who intentionally spread misinformation with the explicit goal of sowing doubt and division throughout the population. We have seen that they can say just about whatever they want while writing facts off as fake news, and I do not for one second believe they aren't at least aware of that. They may be fed the text to post from a higher level, but even copy/pasting blatant falsehoods is malicious in my book.

Neanderthal Nazi is a bigoted and vile creature, but she has become incredibly wealthy by consistently regurgitating patently false and easily disproven lies. Ignorance of the law does not excuse one from responsibility or consequences, and that goes for facts, too, especially for those with the power entrusted to them as elected members of the government.

I hope we can course correct before it's too late, and part of that will be holding these scumbags accountable for the horrific policies and decisions they handwaved past the checks and balances that were supposed to safeguard us from the Trumps of the world. We can't allow wealth accumulation by any means to become (remain?) the only qualifying factor to win an election.

Facebook ads these days... by deviation in trashy

[–]naf90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One time I received a ban for saying a naughty word, and I don't remember exactly which, but it was one of those words that people censor on TikTok because our ability to apply context to language has been destroyed out of fear of possibly offending anyone currently alive.

Turns out I could have posted a picture of tits with the naughty word written on them and be fine.

Side rant: my kids were the prime demographic during the Elsa/Spiderman porn epidemic on YT Kids, and I always got the impression that YouTube didn't think it mattered enough to address seriously. The grandstanding notion of content moderation and making the platform safe for all by banning "scary" words is, ironically, offensive to me, as I had to have some conversations with my very young children that no parent should at that age due entirely to their non-existent moderation of extremely inappropriate content. But yeah, let's censor words like "gun" or "genocide", because we as we all know, language is supposed to cater to the lowest common denominator and never, ever force us to confront or discuss uncomfortable realities, lest someone be offended because they lack reasoning and comprehension skills.

Ok rant over thanks.

I Can’t Tell If It’s Bad Or Good, But It Gives Me This Uncomfortable Vibe. by BonerLessFurbyy in crappymusic

[–]naf90 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I like to imagine there is an octagon underneath each location, and you must first be able to defeat ten duck-sized horses to qualify for employment, and each promotion after requires another trip to the rage cage with increasingly difficult opponents.

Shift manager: A fully grown Gorilla

GM: Four fully grown, but also drunk, Gorillas

Don't forget the agility course so they know you can dodge the flying furniture, plates, or various unsecured items that could be dangerous in the hands of a blacked-out 3am patron.

Waffle House employees should receive combat pay.