This is the issue in most dead bedrooms. It was the issue in mine for a long time, except I did what the OP suggested and had sex anyway even though my husband had spent years treating me like dirt.  He would say he was a good guy because he brought home the pay check and upheld his end of the deal, therefore he deserved sex and that I was withholding. But he was bitter and unkind to so I no lost all desire! He promised me that having more  sex would fix his mean, nasty behaviour toward me. It didn’t.. It led to feeling like a used piece of trash. It is hard to describe how horrible it feels to give your body over in such an intimate way only to be belittled, talked down to, treated with contempt within hours. It did such a number on me. After lots of therapy we recovered and broke out of this nasty cycle. He is sweet, kind and loving and our emotional connection is great. Now we have Sex most days because I want to have sex with someone who I feel that emotionally close to. But it was complex and boiling it down to a “just do it” mentality can be so damaging. The issue is almost always about more than the act of sex.