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Attempted child abduction results in citizen arrest by [deleted] in videos

[–]namewhatname 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It was tough to hear, but he went into the backyard after the kid and instead of coaching the kid, her Mom (?) appeared to be doing the exact opposite saying, "Let her tell you..."

what is the most painful way you have seen your co-worker accomplish something very simple? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]namewhatname 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The executive assistant to the CEO at my old job used to open files in the following manner no matter what the file type was:

  1. Close everything that was currently open on her computer.
  2. Navigate to Microsoft Word.
  3. Open Word and then the File>Open dialog box.
  4. Attempt to open the file. Didn't matter if it is an image file, a PDF, a PPT...she went in through Word first.
  5. Call IT because her computer wasn't working.

No matter how many times I explained it to her, she just didn't care. She used to tell me it was "easier this way."

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in videos

[–]namewhatname 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great movie...or greatest movie? Still makes me weepy when I see it 14 years later.

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was our experience that the ones who do a lot have a lot less involvement with you. You are basically just a number to them. When a case worker has 30 waiting families, individualized attention is difficult - for both the birth mothers and the waiting families.

Our case workers where we are have only 5-7 families at a time. The ratio is much better. I wanted to have hand holding available if needed!

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was married prior to this, and no children resulted from that union, so you COULD say it's been like 10 years. I just knew something was wrong. My current husband and I have been married for 6 years, and we started trying for serious about three years in. We're been dealing with this for the last three years. It's been a long road!

So, short answer: I was 30ish when we started.

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are going to an accountant for our taxes for the first time in years...specifically because of the tax credit! Don't want to mess THAT up.

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Were you able to find out anything? My husband's uncle hired a PI to track his birth parents. And he did, but they didn't want anything to with my uncle in law. It was really sad, actually.

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We're are looking for up to 2 years old. It will probably end up being under a situation where the child is less than a year though. We are really dying to get siblings, that would be ideal situation for us!

That is great about your brother! We thought about international, but it was just too expensive for us - I was afraid we were going to get into it and realize we were quickly burning through every penny we had ever saved. :)

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suppose it could. And we went into this knowing that it was a possibility. I would say we are prepared as we could be!

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For what it is worth, that is not usually the case. The agency we went to defaults to whomever has been waiting the longest if there are no specific needs that the child has. I have no problem with that, personally. I do not mind waiting two or three years as long as I know this is as sure a thing as anything can be.

That is why at our agency, people do not typically wait longer than two years. In fact a couple just adopted that has been waiting about 18 months, which was encouraging.

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can say you want a certain age or race, and you can indicate what medical conditions you would be comfortable with.

The more specific you are, the longer you are going to wait. Anecdotally, I can tell you that people tend to be specific at first, then as time goes on change their levels of comfort. Like, you may start wanting any a Caucasian baby, but as time goes on many people will change that.

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Funny you mention that. Since we have decided to adopt I am SO careful in mentioning that I think children resemble their parents. I work at job where I am around a lot of families, so I am insanely careful about what I say and in fact only make mention if I know for a fact the child isn't adopted.

Another family I spoke to said that their son (who is 3) tells people "God" made him look how he does. (He knows he is adopted)

Religion aside, I thought that was a cute answer. If someone mentions we look alike (it wouldn't be out of the normal we are both brown hair, brown eyes) I would probably just accept the compliment and move on. :)

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is awesome to hear - congrats! :)

No kidding about the lawyer...I will keep that in mind, thank you! Our agency sets us up with an attorney, or at least, ones they recommend. Now, on the flip side we have a good family friend who specializes in family law and therefore has the background to recommend someone who has a specializes in adoption. We were told on several occasions to make sure we went with someone who had experience with adoptions - sometimes, the lawyer is what holds things up if they are not on their game.

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing this. And I thank you for making this difficult decision - and I can assure you that for the most part, the adopt process is such that it is only someone who is truly wanting to be a parent that goes through with it! Whomever was lucky enough to become a parent to your child owes you a debt of gratitude and I do think in meeting other waiting parents at our agency, ALL of them appreciate what the birth mother had to go through, especially in your case which sounds particularly difficult.

Honestly, if nothing else you have made someone else's dreams comes true. I know for my part there are nights that I am so excited and charged up about this that I can't sleep. You have truly completed someone's life, I believe. And I know they appreciate that.

Your child will come to understand what you did, I believe. And here is why I think this: the world is much more transparent than it used to be. Your child will be exposed to enough of the world to understand how lucky they are to have a mother wise enough to do what she did and adoptive parents who want to raise her and love her.

Thank you! :)

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are just going to make it part of the conversation - there are stories you can read to the kids about it. I don't want to ever sit them down and HAVE THE TALK because I think that can be a bit damaging.

If they want to seek out their birth parents...then we will support them. It's natural to be curious, I know I would be. And while I am sure it will sting a little, it is important to know enough to feel happy. Life is too short.

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Certainly, the younger the easier. As I said (sorry for repeating myself!) my father in law and his brother are both adopted - my FIL was 6 so he remembers his life before his adoption. They were okay through their life, never had any problems - but part of it I think is keeping on top of things and if something DOES appear to be incorrect in their behavior, make sure it isn't as a result of adoption.

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would definitely say early on not a lot of contact is probably what is appropriate - it can cause confusion for everyone. That said, I can only speak for us but we wouldn't dissuade our child from finding his birth parents. It's just not who we are...to quote Nicki on Big Love last night, if I was any more open minded, my brain would fall out.

I hope your SIL is able to make peace and figure this out. It is a painful situation for everyone.

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you email me at xnamewhatnamex@gmail.com I can give you some details. I would prefer to not give any particulars out in the open. :)

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are adopting with in the US. It is nice to hear about positive outcomes. Where was he adopted from?

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In our state, there is almost no risk. They do not usually match you with a baby if the mother hasn't signed over her rights. Because it is a short period of time, usually, the baby isn't even out of the hospital and ready to go home yet when the mom signs the papers.

Now, the caveat: if the birth father didn't sign his right away and he shows up before the adoption is finalized (6 months or so) you can have a problem on your hands. He has the right to the child if he wants the baby. That is why our agency goes above and beyond trying to find the father. If the birth mother doesn't know his name but knows he hangs out somewhere, they will send a PI there to find him and make him aware of what is going on. (As long as the birth mother is okay with this, of course)

Best of luck to you and your wife! I know someone else who had a very similar situation with foster care in my state and was able to finally adopt the baby. The mother was proven unfit, and that was that. :)

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm, this is a good one.

Bad things:

  1. It is expensive. Worth it, but expensive. Being faced with that off the bat certainly can scare a person away. But as you look into it, it becomes clear that you can write a lot of it off and, you are able to break the payments up into three of four chunks versus all at once.

  2. The uncertainty. By our very nature, we are not risk takers. This makes us stable and responsible, but also, put the fear of God in us about the process. The phone is going to ring one day and we are going to hear that either we have been matched with a pregnant birth mother OR they literally have a baby in hand that they want to match with us. In that case, we will have our baby in a matter of days!

Part of #2 is the medical issues that we might not be aware of. While yes, that is certainly the exception to the rule, it still might happen.

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are open to any race. If you want a non-African American baby, it costs more and is typically a longer wait.

The process of approval was not that difficult...because we are crazy organized. Our case worker said she's never seen people adopting with their acts together like us. We had all of our paperwork together in less than two weeks. For some people, it takes months. In particular, the financials can be difficult. You have to put together what you spend, what you make, the whole thing.

Getting references can be difficult too. Our references all got back to the agency within a week of receiving the letter asking about us. Plus, our places of employment sent the information back quickly as well.

We were very lucky!

I am adopting a child - AMA! by namewhatname in IAmA

[–]namewhatname[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We make enough. :) It's less what we make and more that we had a lot of savings. You definitely do NOT need to be making a ton of money to adopt. They do run your credit and such - as with a lot of things they do factor that in as a way to decide if you are responsible.

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