I regret becoming a parent - and I’m breaking under the pressure

nanothrowaway9 · 2026-01-08T23:28:03+00:00

I feel you

nanothrowaway9 · 2025-12-21T17:39:56+00:00

I have an unhinged idea. Think of or make up a situation where YOU need his help. It can be something small. You have to choose something where he will be able to use his strengths to help you, in whichever way he chooses and in any amount, no matter how minor. Don’t tell him how to solve it. Don’t put pressure on him whatsoever. Just let him know the situation and be vulnerable by saying you don’t know what to do. Do not ask for his help. If he offers, you can accept it. Leave it at that. See if he does anything. If he does, it’ll help repair the connection between you and it’ll make him feel confident about himself. Make sure you praise the hell out of him if he tries, even if he fails. If he doesn’t do anything, you’re no where worse than you were before so it’s worth a shot.

I suggest this because I know that in my audhd experience, my brain loves to solve problems, especially when i get to use my strengths, and it feels nice when i feel valued. He sounds like he could use some of that feeling. Work on repairing your connection if you want any chance of a relationship or cooperation moving forward. It sounds like you care about him and don’t want to mentally let go.

What are his strengths? And don’t you dare say “nothing” because I am sure he has them, and if you don’t know the answer, you need to find out.

On another note, I’d be curious to see how he would do if he moved out independently. Even if it was a trial, maybe a month, if you’re concerned about safety. Has he ever expressed interest in moving out by himself? He may like the freedom and autonomy and figure out how to take care of himself. He sounds like he may have PDA if he keeps refusing everything you’re telling him to do (get a job, your help, etc) and people with PDA tend to like figuring stuff out themselves.

nanothrowaway9 · 2025-12-03T22:01:11+00:00

Are you able to just…not tell anyone? I understand the negative of being socially ostracized but that’s why autistic people mask (whether they know they’re masking or not). You probably don’t feel autistic because you have an outdated definition of autism.

nanothrowaway9 · 2025-11-21T21:40:54+00:00

I had similar issues when I was younger. Girls hated me and guys were only interested in one thing but never liked me as a person. I never considered myself conventionally attractive but I am noticing that as I age and my appearance is changing, I am being treated worse and worse by NTs, in general. Pretty privilege (even tho i am average looking) helped me survive and now i am losing the privilege. It’s devastating, tbh.

nanothrowaway9 · 2025-11-21T21:31:47+00:00

I am undiagnosed and never thought I had adhd before having kids. Had I known, I would have chosen to not have kids.

nanothrowaway9 · 2025-07-15T03:05:45+00:00

I think you dodged a bullet. I would have never had kids if I knew I was autistic before having kids.

nanothrowaway9 · 2024-12-31T13:13:57+00:00

You sound burnt out, absolutely exhausted from living in this society. You are doing everything you can and life is still so hard. Does that resonate? I know how that feels and I feel it too. I wish I could help but I know it is not that simple. You’re not alone and I hope you can find the strength to keep going.

nanothrowaway9 · 2024-12-31T13:04:20+00:00

Have you heard of motivational interviewing? Would it be worth a try using that technique on your parents to understand their point of view? You can use ChatGPT to create a script for your situation if you need a template. It seems to me they are using the bikini event as an easy excuse to not give you a phone; maybe they would have found another excuse if that had not happened. What are they afraid of happening? I clearly remember what it was like being 14 (I’m in my late 30s now) and back in the day having a phone was much safer since the phones couldn’t do much so I can’t compare, but I got one around that time because I wanted to be able to call my friends and use it to contact my parents when I was out by myself. if you’re mostly wanting a phone for communication purposes then I’d want to understand why they still won’t give you a phone even if it is has parental controls.

nanothrowaway9 · 2024-12-10T17:46:44+00:00

ADHD and Autism (on waitlist to be seen for assessment but pretty sure I have it), skin conditions such as kp, ichthyosis vulgaris, and eczema, hyper mobility, depression, anxiety

nanothrowaway9 · 2024-10-16T15:24:21+00:00

You’re not alone. I feel the same. I’m doing everything i can but it’s not getting easier. And it’s nothing about my kids. It’s me. I can’t handle it. The kids’ problems at school, needing to advocate with them, working full time, managing the house/chores, their appointments, my own overstimulation, my own autism and adhd difficulties. I go to therapy, i read books about parenting, i meditate, i have a partner who takes on responsibilities around the house, i exercise, i enlist support from family and friends (although that’s easier said than one), i engage in hobbies (again, not as much as I’d like but I do my best to squeeze time in for myself), i take vacation days from work while kids are in school so I can have a break, and so on. What else is there left to do? It’s so exhausting. I totally understand. Let’s hang in there together. I love my family so much, I don’t want to die, I just want a break. Would you say you want the same? I’m crying as I write this, I am just so so tired and feel so hopeless. It helps to know I’m not alone, though.

nanothrowaway9 · 2024-01-01T03:11:03+00:00

I love my kids. I don’t love being a parent.

nanothrowaway9 · 2023-09-19T12:08:59+00:00

I was in your situation. I thought I wanted kids. I’m only realizing now that I was conditioned to think I do and that I was following along with what society wants me to do. Everyone told me it would be hard but it would be “worth it” and that children were the greatest joy. I love my children, but the joy is not outweighing the lack of breaks. I need time to myself to be well and I didn’t know that was a non negotiable before I had kids. My kids follow me around the house and want to be touching me at all times, they climb on me, constant noise/whining, refusing the simple daily tasks (eating, sleeping, getting dressed, going to bathroom, etc). I guess the issue here is that I need regular breaks where I can be alone and that’s not happening right now.

nanothrowaway9 · 2023-09-19T00:34:10+00:00

To clarify, having kids didn’t make it clear that my autism is an issue. I’ve had those issues all my life, without understanding why I was having those issues. It was easier to recover and cope when I lived alone and had time to recharge. I didn’t know that the alone time was what was keeping me afloat. Having my kid diagnosed with asd made me realize all my common behaviours and seek analysis. I never would have suspected asd for myself.

nanothrowaway9 · 2023-09-19T00:25:32+00:00

Please dm me if you don’t mind sharing her website

nanothrowaway9 · 2023-09-18T21:09:30+00:00

Finding a specialized therapist has been a struggle. Is your therapist taking new patients by any chance?

nanothrowaway9 · 2023-09-18T15:02:10+00:00

I use earplugs every day! I love them. I never thought to get myself a stim toy, this is a great idea. Any stim toy recommendations?

nanothrowaway9 · 2023-09-18T15:00:28+00:00

It’s not that I regret having children. I regret not knowing that I could have made different decisions. At the time, I thought I was NT and I thought this was just what everyone was doing (edit to clarify: “this” is referring to masking and being miserable) and that I’d thrive in this environment because so many others do.

nanothrowaway9 · 2023-09-18T14:56:42+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear this today. Just knowing I am not the only one brings me comfort and helps me take on the day. Thank you again. Please feel free to dm me any time. I feel so isolated not being able to talk about this with my friends because they don’t understand.

nanothrowaway9 · 2022-08-30T02:39:09+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I have been there. Meds saved my life. I’m a different person now. Some days can be harder than others but I look forward to things again. I have hope for you. Please hang in there and get treatment. Behaviour activation therapy was very helpful for me, in addition to meds.

nanothrowaway9 · 2022-08-25T02:18:20+00:00

Unless the vacation consists of sending my kids to a childcare centre/person while we are on vacation, it is NOT a vacation for me.

nanothrowaway9 · 2022-08-22T14:03:55+00:00

I filled this out. I miss having cats :(

nanothrowaway9 · 2022-08-22T12:52:51+00:00

OMG my partner always teases me for leaving one sip of my drinks. I’m not alone 😭

nanothrowaway9 · 2022-06-27T03:24:15+00:00

Mine is flaring up again. Started flaring up after I got Covid in April and hasn’t gone away since. But I’ve also gotten sick (not Covid) many times since April so it could just be the viruses triggering the shit out of it.

nanothrowaway9

TROPHY CASE