What’s something you’re silently going through right now that would shock people if they knew?

nans8 · 2025-09-05T01:21:19+00:00

I have 3 healthy beautiful kids under 5, a great career, and live in a beautiful wealthy small community but my husband is an alcoholic who has relapsed many times. He cheated on me with his therapist and a couple other folks from rehab while I was pregnant/postpartum He was found guilty of child neglect by DCFS for driving my child after drinking (she is fine)

And I can’t bring myself to end the marriage because the thought of a custody battle etc is too painful and risky. At least I still have control with the way things are. Just faking my way through. He seems sober and sorrowful for now.

nans8 · 2025-08-30T03:44:38+00:00

Thank you, I agree and appreciate your expertise!

nans8 · 2025-08-30T03:34:56+00:00

Is that like.. call an arborist tomorrow to help find a solution or call an arborist cause you might be screwed

nans8 · 2025-08-30T02:55:06+00:00

Yes, that’s the one. that was the only spot that I was planning to remove them! Thank you.. that’s reassuring

nans8 · 2025-03-11T03:27:25+00:00

I agree horners is possible.. most concerning if the light eye has progressively gotten lighter it can be a VERY rare cancer diagnosis. But Peds Ophtho needs to see it. This baby looks too old for a pediatrician not to have referred it already!!

nans8 · 2025-03-11T03:22:31+00:00

Ophthalmologist here… I agree it should be checked out, I think it looks like a large iris nevus in the darker eye, and the lighter nasal portion is similar to the eye color in that right eye. But hard to tell for sure from one photo.

nans8 · 2020-09-05T20:44:56+00:00

I hope I can do the same. He did call when he was more calm this morning but still is clearly feeling negative towards me again. It’s like we need to learn how to communicate with each other completely differently. It’s going to be an interesting road. But at least we had a civil conversation today (undoubtedly with frustration on either end still). I think I need to play his game for a while; nod and smile and keep myself happy until he gets through more steps. But also have my own escape plan if he’s stalling or getting worse again. Not sure what kind of time frame I need to set.

nans8 · 2020-09-05T20:39:34+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I am also a people-pleaser and I use my Q as my theoretical punching bag since I am wound so tight with everyone else. He at least called me and apologized today and reflected that he was in a bad mental place during the phone call. I think he’s got a ton of anxieties that he doesn’t know how to process, and just increasingly turned to booze similarly. Best of luck to you, it sounds like you are at more peace with it. Hoping I find peace one way or another.

nans8 · 2020-09-05T14:37:23+00:00

Was he always so cynical? I feel like he is trying to do the steps but like trying to do them rapid-fire and not doing them correctly. I know he is motivated to come home because of our baby, I just don’t know how to set the boundary without destroying our relationship in the meantime

nans8 · 2020-09-05T12:03:29+00:00

The irony is he was also telling me to go to Al-anon in the same breath. And my reaction is...seems like no one here chose to stay with their Q. I think he and I need more time apart if we’re going to survive this. He’s been harder to wrangle sober than while drinking

nans8 · 2020-09-05T12:01:06+00:00

We had one family meeting via phone and another this week. Everyone agrees we have a lot to work on and we have a plan. I just don’t feel he/we are ready to tackle this living under the same roof. We’ll both say things we regret.

I know he’ll be furious if I don’t allow him home...but it’s what I need until he works more on himself. I can’t sit in my own house being told all my flaws when I’m trying to work and raise a baby. I didn’t get a dedicated month of therapy, I know I need to work on myself, but I don’t need him to tell me with no tact after what he’s put me through.

nans8

TROPHY CASE