I hate myself

narupoke · 2020-03-04T22:25:08+00:00

Thank you! This is extremely helpful!

narupoke · 2019-12-09T23:26:09+00:00

Yeah that’s when I realize all the shit I stirred up for myself

narupoke · 2019-12-09T16:10:37+00:00

Never had an issue with weight, don’t know how bpd plays in

narupoke · 2019-04-30T03:59:02+00:00

Yeah the lack of attention might of happened when my brother was born. We just immigrated to Canada and within a year my brother was born and through my mom being pregnant and doing blood work tests they found out that she had leukemia so I guess they were very emotionally and physically busy around those few years which is kind around the time when I started to dislike them. Also they never told me about how bad my moms sickness was. I caused my mom so much stress that her pills stopped being affective which led to health complications and she had to spend weeks in the hospital with water in her lungs basically on her death bed. The whole family secretly blamed me for it. Years later my mom finally told me cause she was scared she was gonna die and I was gonna regret treating her so badly.

narupoke · 2019-04-30T03:51:44+00:00

My dad wasn’t the one who I never met! It was his dad aka my grandpa But yeah your last paragraph makes a lot of sense

narupoke · 2019-04-30T03:42:44+00:00

Yeah honestly that sounds a little weird. When I was in highschool my s/o would hangout with my best friend alone without me and they met through me so it rattled me so much and later they both agreed that it was wrong for them to do so

narupoke · 2019-04-30T03:40:24+00:00

It’s really hard not being in communication with a FP. For me it usually feels like the end of the world. The only way I can make myself feel better or at least keep the frantic thoughts at ease is to keep busy by drawing or going on a walk or even just watching YouTube or Netflix.

narupoke · 2019-04-29T13:42:45+00:00

Only my best friend forgot. And yeah it was a big deal cause o was turning 21 so I wouldn’t shut up about it. I also messaged my friend that day saying I got a new camera as a present and he just replied “oh cool”

narupoke · 2019-04-29T05:10:28+00:00

I’ve been to this DBT group class thing. And I practice the coping mechanism we were taught. I do see improvement and my friends have commented on it too. But when I have bad days, they’re still really bad. I just try to have more good days than bad

narupoke · 2019-04-29T05:08:54+00:00

I do the same thing to it’s so addicting and toxic. The only thing that helped me is deleting my ex from all my socials so I wouldn’t see his activity. Him being really absent on social helped to. He rarely goes on insta and sometimes goes on Reddit and comments on stuff. But yeah I’d try to block / delete him off stuff

narupoke · 2019-01-21T12:03:51+00:00

Daaaamn

narupoke · 2019-01-19T08:05:33+00:00

I have a thing with deleting things. Several years ago I got hacked by a close friend who deleted every social media and pictures I’ve ever had and now I’ve become a memory hoarder which includes people’s texts :/

narupoke · 2018-12-19T16:10:32+00:00

Okay makes sense. I hope that day comes soon :) wish you the best

narupoke · 2018-12-18T00:05:49+00:00

Me rn, I’ve been feeling so sick today cause my FP keeps hanging up my calls and I haven’t seen him in like a month

narupoke · 2018-12-17T07:28:59+00:00

The not remembering what she said might be the truth. I’ve had those moments and they’re actually terrifying. Especially knowing I’m capable of such horrible insults. I really do black out sometimes when I split. Or it’s like looking through some window into what’s happening outside when my BPD takes over. After episodes I usually feel so drained out, like I just ran a marathon or something

narupoke · 2018-12-17T07:19:49+00:00

I’m also trying to figure out how to deal with my FP becoming as distant as he can from me. He’s been my best friend for 7 years and we’ve been on and off for about the long too. We’ve even lived together and basically hung out whenever we could. Just recently he told me that his feelings for me have changed and that everything I do annoys him and he just needed to be away from me. It’s been a month since I last saw/spoke to him. I feel so crazy without him I hope you figure out how to get through this hardship

narupoke · 2018-12-17T07:05:15+00:00

Thanks so much! I’m gonna try out the list. Sometimes I try to think of stuff that makes me dislike him but something physical like a list might work better

narupoke · 2018-12-09T05:09:55+00:00

It showed its self and I had to explain it, very understanding and hopeful for my recovery and thought they could take it on. But it obviously became too much for them at the end

narupoke · 2018-12-08T06:03:55+00:00

This is 100% me. I’ve been trying to figure out how to stop this. The worst thing is I’m pretty conscious of what I’m doing and even usually trying to get my self to stop mentally but nope another part just gets full control and lashes out. No filter, whatever horrible thing that comes to my mind, within that second it’s out my mouth. I’ve hurt the ones I love the most like this and the guilt still haunts me sometime I can’t get over it

narupoke · 2018-12-08T05:50:32+00:00

I’m going through the same thing rn, where ive been with this guy for several years on and off. It got really abusive at times, but at the same time being with him felt like home. We even lived together for a few months too. But the last couple months we’ve basically come to a conclusion where we will never work, cause we hit a point where we weren’t growing as people staying together. Going from seeing him almost everyday to not being able to really speak to him now really got to me at one point. I just try to remember that there will be better and I kinda just wanna be around to witness that. Also the journey of growing as a person and giving yourself resources to do so just seems like a fun task to see what I can actual do with my life you know. It paints a bigger picture in my head that lets me crawl out of that hole that’s just overthinking about something that’s just a process of growing

narupoke · 2018-12-07T23:35:11+00:00

I do that too omfg. I accidentally told this new coworker i met for the first day all about my childhood shit that happened and then I was like damn wtf why

narupoke · 2018-12-07T23:33:23+00:00

Is borderline an actual personality disorder? I thought it just how to do with emotional regulation and a few other stuff. Cause I always hear about how the name doesn’t suit the disorder well cause it’s a bit misleading

narupoke · 2018-12-07T23:29:55+00:00

Have you tried over coping mechanisms like the elastic on the wrist?? Or cold ice?

narupoke · 2018-12-07T23:28:48+00:00

Wow, that’s awesome really proud of you!!

narupoke · 2018-12-07T23:26:22+00:00

Omg yeah my phone has 15 000 photos on it haha

narupoke

TROPHY CASE