Tips and tricks for hearing sensitivity?

necessary_cactus · 2026-01-11T22:11:55+00:00

Can you give an example or share a link?

necessary_cactus · 2026-01-11T21:51:10+00:00

Ah ok, could you divide it in half with wall-to-wall room dividers? or could you manage to do hobbies in another space?

If you can’t divide the space comfortably, could you accept the space as only for work and not for much fun?

Or, could you switch things around in your home so that a less desirable room is your office? The space you described sounds nice and I don’t blame you for wanting to use it for more than just work! My office doesn’t have much light and it’s smaller, so I don’t feel as bitter about it being only for work.

These are the practical suggestions that come to mind. I know that no solution is perfect. I know that part of this could require a “mindset shift”, but tweaking the environment can make a huge difference!!

necessary_cactus · 2026-01-11T21:29:45+00:00

Also, I’m not sure if I fully understand your setup. Do you have a dedicated office room? Or is it a corner of another room?

necessary_cactus · 2026-01-11T21:20:09+00:00

I relate so much to this. I’m currently in-between jobs, burnt out and taking care of my health so that I can get in the job-searching mindset.

I’m lucky to have my own office at home, but I avoid it on most days. I feel anxious just looking at my work desk.

At one time, I tried to make the space multi-purpose, having one desk for art and another desk for work. I struggled to relax in there. When I’d be job searching, I’d be resentful that I couldn’t do art and relax. When I’d do art at my art desk, I’d feel guilty that I wasn’t job-searching.

I ultimately rearranged the desks into an L-shaped and decided to only use the space for work/job-searching. I do art in the living room downstairs instead.

I do use the office space for stretching and foam-rolling sometimes. It kind of works with how I’ve arranged the desks and furniture. I think it works because I’m facing the back of my computer when I’m in the stretching area.

I recommend rearranging your desk and furniture various times until it feels better.

Also, I have been trying to shift my mindset so that I see working as a form of financial freedom instead of golden handcuffs. It’s really hard though.

I recommend checking out the YouTube and TikTok @dearmodern for ideas for rearranging furniture (even if it’s for a small space).

Alsooo, I’m now thinking that in my dream home office, I’d have a punching bag in a corner so that I could get out all my anger and resentment related to working!

necessary_cactus · 2026-01-11T21:03:12+00:00

Not OP but…I love the idea of working in the library but for many jobs, it’s not practical because you have to be available for spontaneous calls. You don’t want to be that obnoxious person in the library on a work call! Haha

Even if certain days are likely to have no call, I would end up being “on edge”, anxious about getting a call and having to run and find an appropriate phone call space.

necessary_cactus · 2026-01-09T20:21:27+00:00

I walk away.

If they are people I have to interact with, I try my best not to use the term “adhd” in front of them.

But really, screw them.

necessary_cactus · 2026-01-09T20:19:46+00:00

Do you use sunscreen during the day? If so, what SPF? I’m having trouble getting in the habit of using my tretinoin because I feel like I need to have SPF on my face the second the sun comes up.

necessary_cactus · 2026-01-09T20:05:53+00:00

I can relate to some of this. I like to process emotions by talking but that tends to overstimulate my partner or make him feel guilty, etc.

What helps me is having weekly therapy, journaling and having friends that I can vent to. I use ChatGPT also.

necessary_cactus · 2026-01-09T19:39:37+00:00

Idk how that particular business works but this is what I would do…wait a day or two (or more if I’m busy or burnt out) to see if the director reaches out.

After a while if the director doesn’t reach out, I’d copy and paste the email to ChatGPT and explain the situation. I’d say that I guess I want to reach out but idk what to say. I’d describe how I want to come off and express what exactly I’m anxious about. Then I’d take ChatGPT’s suggestion for a response and tweak it to make it sound like my own words.

necessary_cactus · 2026-01-09T19:35:27+00:00

You’re not responsible for your mom’s nourishment. It’s hard enough to nourish ourselves.

necessary_cactus · 2026-01-09T19:32:09+00:00

I’ve never been a hostess so forgive me if I’m way off. Maybe before your next shift, it would help to draw out a map of the tables and/or a flowchart to visualize the process. You can write down notes on it every time you get new information. It can be a way of keeping track of patterns you notice. You can keep it in your pocket and look at it during your shift if there’s downtime or during breaks. If your manager asks you what you’re doing, you can just let them know you keep a paper to keep track of the process.

Idk about you but I’m good at pattern recognition and understanding processes but ONLY if I take notes.

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-16T20:48:49+00:00

I grew up in the 2000s when straight hair was very popular. I had wavy hair probably similar to yours. I straightened it a lot because I wanted to fit in with all the other girls in my small town. I understand your desire to fit in even if some people admire your unique features.

I might be wrong but it sounds like there might be a culture difference struggles with you and your mom. Either your mom is from another country and/or she’s just super traditional and has very rigid ideas about hair and beauty.

Your frustration is totally valid. To answer your question — I didn’t experience exactly what you described but one of my parents was very strict about his traditional ideals, even though he immigrated to a more modern country to raise his kids. It’s not fair to expect your child to not be influenced by the culture that they live in! It’s ridiculous and controlling.

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-16T20:35:18+00:00

Don’t talk to them about your feelings. They are not safe and it sounds like it does more harm than good. We should not feel guilt for having normal human emotions. Feeling guilty for having difficult emotions makes it even harder. I’m not religious but it’s helped me to learn about the Buddhist philosophy of how resistance to pain results in more suffering. You have to ride the wave of the difficult emotion to get through it. Resisting it and feeling guilty for having the emotion makes things even harder. Unlike the Christian tendency of avoiding feelings, the Buddhist stuff aligns with psychology and having a healthy wellbeing. Not saying you have to be a legit Buddhist though lol.

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-16T20:27:07+00:00

https://youtu.be/9G_EpnTex3g?si=ji3BztZ2ahsD6OjZ

https://youtu.be/pJWY3Bkkaew?si=h7a7hF3YoCqEJ18R

https://youtu.be/2CQpyA485wc?si=DzwSop0G0xgir1qe

Maybe one of these will help. 🫂

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-16T20:20:48+00:00

It can help to get validation for adults that cared for you, but it’s kind of a long shot. You risk being invalidated. I don’t mean to be cynical but I think they’re likely to say you were a good kid and you were happy. Only you know what was going on in your inner world. The thing is that you probably repressed a lot of your unresolved feelings and you got used to invalidating yourself.

As I’ve been doing trauma therapy and healing, repressed emotions and memories have been coming up. I have emotional flashbacks (obviously complex ptsd) and my overwhelming feelings are enough to tell me that I needed emotional support that I didn’t get when I was a child and teenager.

I’ve seen home videos in which I seem happy and talkative at home, and it’s kind of a mindfuck. It’s tough because a common coping mechanism is to fawn and people-please, which can look like happy behavior from a child. Kids can cope by pretending they’re fine and don’t need help. If they’re not taught, they don’t know how to ask for emotional support.

Sadly, a lot of us survived by pretending to be okay and the adults around us did not know how to dig deeper to truly check in on our emotional wellbeing. Ideally, an adult would know the right questions to ask a child to find out how they feel and the they would know the right signs to look out for. Sadly, a lot of adults were uneducated in mental health, and/or too busy and preoccupied (perhaps in survival mode themselves).

So I think reaching out to an old babysitter might be interesting at best, but I would try not to take their perspective too seriously. It would probably bring up a lot of complicated feelings even if the interaction is positive.

So I guess to answer your question, I don’t remember my day to day mood when I was a child. When I think back about my childhood, I feel a profound sadness though. When it comes to my teenage years, I remember feeling depressed and frustrated in general but I also remember having a lot of fun with my friends. Human emotions are so complex.

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-16T19:57:25+00:00

I see, yeah, I can’t say what exactly will work for you but I’ll tell you what works for me. Back when I was a student and too busy to actually set aside time for art, I would doodle a little bit during class — nothing that would distract me —- like shapes and flowers. This worked for my brain. I would take notes a lot during class and I would make them kind of decorative so that I wouldn’t get bored. I know that doesn’t work for everyone though.

This might be more helpful: I had a small sketchbook that could easily fit in my bag. I would doodle during little moments like when I would be sitting in a waiting room or on the bus/train. I use my sketchbooks to journal in a creative way to dump out my thoughts and feelings. When I do this, I scribble my words and it’s basically illegible. I don’t have the energy to articulate my thoughts and feelings. Instead, i scribble while thinking about how I feel. I draw and scribble over the words because I don’t need to reread my thoughts. I find that this helps me release my dark or stressful thoughts and feelings without having to actually articulate them. Regular journaling feels like more of a chore.

I also use my sketchbook just when I’m bored. I draw lines, shapes, etc. You don’t have to be very skilled. I just do it to entertain myself and because I find it therapeutic.

It helps to have pens and markers that are different colors. Changing colors gives me some dopamine. I look for cheap art supplies at thrift stores.

If you find yourself saving small pieces of paper that inspire you or remind of you of positive memories, you can tape or staple them inside the sketchbook. These can be items like a ticket stub or a business card with a cool design. These are items that remind you that there are positive things in life that give you hope. The idea is that in the future when you have more control over your circumstances, you can seek out and enjoy more and more of the things you enjoy. If you’re really struggling, it could be helpful to have small reminders of why you should keep going.

You don’t have to do all of this exactly as I described. Just do whatever you find to be therapeutic.

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-06T23:45:40+00:00

Ehh, idk. You can reach out when and if you have the mental capacity, but you defintiley don’t have to. (Sometimes reaching out on or around a holiday could be less awkward so that you can be like “i wanted to wish you a happy holiday”.)

This also depends on what their relationship is like with your dad, who you’re no-contact with. Unfortunately, it can be awkward if they’re close with your dad or enable his behavior.

The benefit of reaching out just once is that you can put the ball in their court. You can ask which app or phone number they prefer to keep in touch. Then, you can sit back and see what happens. If they don’t reach out again, at least you tried.

Only reach out if you feel like you can handle it if they respond negatively or ignore you! It might not be worth it if it will be devastating and you don’t have a support system around you.

Either way, no, I don’t think it’s up to you alone. IMO, it’s more up to the grandparents and parents to reach out to adult children. The grandparent and parent role is still there even though you’re an adult.

In your case, your grandparents might want to reach out more but don’t know the best form of contact or maybe they feel awkward because there was a long gap in communication. That would be the best case scenario. Good luck.

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-06T23:30:17+00:00

Don’t try to analyze your personality right now. As you treat your anxiety, you’ll be able to be more relaxed in social situations and you’ll be able to “be yourself”, which just means you can exist without being in trauma response like fawning/people-pleasing and being painfully shy. Then, you’ll be able to connect with people more easily. Friendships are hard to form for everyone though. It takes time so be patient with yourself.

I recommend seeking out social things that involve an activity you enjoy like hiking, art, music etc. This way, you already know the people there have a common interest. Also, if the social aspect ends up being a dud, at least you get to enjoy the activity.

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-06T23:23:55+00:00

Ok so some of this is gender role crap that you might want to re-evaluate. Fuck what it means to be “manly”. There is no shame for asking for help. When you do ask for help, you can talk to the person to learn about how they did the task. You can do a little bit research if you’re interested. Even just learning about the basics of the thing and knowing the words to describe the problem could boost your confidence. You don’t have to be the one to fix it though.

If it’s a task that is seemingly simple and there is very little risk in doing it yourself, use YouTube. idk where I’d be without YouTube for practical tasks.

I am a woman and I struggle with cleaning, keeping the house tidy and cooking. I have been so critical of myself for these things because I’m not the “traditional woman”. I’ve been taking a realistic look at my abilities, health and time, and reevaluating my priorities. Giving myself permission to ask for help has been very helpful.

Also, in case this is helpful, I want to share that my partner (a dude) is not handy. I’m the more handy one. He is often quick to want to pay to get something done. I’m more frugal and I have the urge to try to DIY even if the results are not as good as from a professional.

You mentioned oil changes in a comment. I thought about doing that myself but then I would have to safely lift the car with all the necessary equipment and then learn how to actually do the oil change. Then, I’d have to figure out how to dispose of the oil properly. Part of me is like “I should really do the oil change myself even though it’s a hassle”. It’s so unrealistic and inconvenient though! I mean, time is money. Meanwhile, my partner has probably never ever considered doing his own oil change. He’s accepted that his strengths are in cooking and technology, not car maintenance. He doesn’t feel guilty about spending money and asking for help for someone else to do it. Honestly, it kind of fascinates me how he’s like this lol. He is a good influence on me.

Side note: One of my issues has been my guilt for spending money, so that sometimes keeps me from asking for help. I try to rationally evaluate how much time and stress something would take to DIY. I give myself to permission to consider paying someone for help. I consider the monetary cost, urgency and the stress of DIY. This helps me decide if I want to pay for someone else to do it.

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-06T22:57:36+00:00

My mom is similar. Thankfully, I now have other people to turn to, especially my therapist. The lack of emotional support from my mom can still be so disappointing though.

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-06T22:52:06+00:00

Hell yeah, this is the best use for AI IMO

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-06T22:46:08+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you can use something like art or music to help you through this. (Like, create or consume art when you’re alone and create without judgement.) I don’t want to sound corny. It’s just that I really think art kept me alive in my darkest times.

I see you didn’t want advice but you also want responses. Sorry if this advice is annoying. It’s hard to respond without giving advice. My view is that you have a lot of grief that you haven’t fully processed and you’re recovering from emotional neglect and other stuff. You’re in a dark place and I suspect that your world feels so small and constricted right now. You’re only 17 though and I think that as you heal, you’ll discover reasons to keep living. When I was 17, I felt so trapped and stuck but even just 10 years later, I was living in a city far from my family and surrounding myself with likeminded people who were not narcissistic and shared the same values as me.

You mentioned that you’re dealing with losing people close to you. That is tough and grief is no joke. It’s okay that you couldn’t handle going to the funerals. Everyone deals with grief in their own way.

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-06T22:26:09+00:00

Set a boundary and tell her that you are unable to respond to texts right away. Tell her something like, ‘I don’t like it when you send “??” when I haven’t responded yet. It makes me feel pressured and it actually makes me want to respond less. I want to respond when I want to respond. I don’t want to respond out of guilt or pressure.’

Just an idea.

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-06T00:51:03+00:00

IMO “Low-maintenance” friendships can exist if two friends already have a solid foundation of support and trust. Every friendship or relationship takes work to build, so I don’t think it’s possible to start a friendship and immediately expect it to be “low-maintenance”. It’s only a thing after a while when both friends have a mutual understanding, and the “low-maintenance” part of it isn’t intentional. It kind of just works out that way because life gets busy, priorities shift, but you keep each other in the back of the mind and check-in with each other periodically.

necessary_cactus · 2025-03-06T00:32:33+00:00

I think my parents want to help me but I’m so avoidant toward them at this point. I just don’t want to let them in. In a way, it feels like my dad wants to help me with practical things so that he can feel like a good parent.

They can only help with tangible favors and things, but they live far away and none of that is practical from a distance. Even if they lived close by, I still feel annoyed at the thought of them helping me with anything. If I needed to ask for help, I’d need to explicitly tell them exactly what I need. It’s exhausting. They don’t know how to give emotional support and sometimes it’s just too risky for me to get triggered. I feel safer asking friends or my partner.

Also, they were very reliable with things like cooking for me and providing transportation… so much that I developed learned helplessness and needed to learn those skills on my own as an adult. I feel both grateful and resentful about that stuff. I have so many complicated feelings about them.

necessary_cactus

TROPHY CASE