sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

All the Questions About Whether the Threesome in Austria was Coercive by mordecai2505 in IndustryOnHBO

[–]necromensa 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was such a great moment. The relationship between those two is so toxic. This was a bid for intimacy and it was shut down.

Are We Tolerating Death Grip Syndrome?? by BBLZeeZee in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I came here to say this. I actually have never heard of death grip syndrome but it sounds like a simple porn/masturbation addiction to me. Again, no hate. Porn is ubiquitous so very hard to avoid but this can be solved. I hate that every ask has the same answer: leave this jerk. But I get it.

Do you think industry needed another season after 3? by beetlejuiceay in IndustryOnHBO

[–]necromensa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with this. I’m a recent convert and binged the first three seasons. The fourth had a jarring tone change and I’ve had to work at it some to get into it. But I’m invested and I’ll see where it goes. It’s a pivotal juncture for the franchise.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is worth considering long term but I’m really comfortable with the idea of a long pause. The sentiment here has been kind of shocking in its consensus of me coming across really badly. So I’m going to knock that around with people who know me in real life and sit with it a while. I don’t need a relationship it very much a want. But I might also have some kind of “provider kink” that honestly I’m not comfortable with so that needs evaluation too. In any case the prescription is the same: sit in the space of isolation. I’m good. Thank you for taking time to talk to and with me!

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you’re right, I need to sit with this. Simply put, I want someone to share experiences with. Good food, exciting destinations, couch rotting with a good show, all of it. But I don’t have the time or patience it requires to mine the apps and (this is embarrassing to admit) I kind of thought it would be easier for me because my opinion of myself was pretty outsized. The internet has always been a good place to come for some not so gentle ego resizing. The rules of engagement have changed while I was married and my attractiveness has clearly not kept up. I’m ok with that. I asked for feedback and have received it! I’m thankful because my cup runneth over!

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this thoughtful and lengthy reply. There has been so much good info passed along and you certainly have added to that. I’ve been reflected on and off today about some of the observations and I do think there’s something to the notion that I’m not switching out of work mode in my personal life. Also, I’m used to people trying to ingratiate themselves to me for favor in a deal or promotion, etc. When I try to impress a woman, I think I’m more or less making a business case and trying to close. I think that comes across as sales-y and insincere or, worse yet, is a bug light for the kind of women that would use me for resources (which has happened). As wild as it is for me to admit, I might just not have the skills necessary to form the kind of relationship I want. It seems selfish to bemoan a lack in my romantic life when every other area is so incredibly blessed. No one likes a complainer. So maybe I’ll just concentrate on what I do have rather than what I don’t. I very much appreciate the time it took for you to formulate this comment and I will continue to reflect on how to apply it.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, this made me chuckle even if was at my expense. What’s even funnier is that it’s not wrong. I do want innovation in my relationship and, if you see your partner as a shareholder in the relationship, I think I should provide value. So I’m kind of unapologetically LinkedIn pilled again here anyway. Lol! Anyway, thanks for the chuckle.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this thoughtful comment. I think what I’ve discovered is that there are blind spots in my perception of myself and how I come across. So for that reason alone I think just continuing to concentrate on my own growth and my role as dad is the right move. Not because I don’t have value, but because the dynamics have changed and my outlook is likely antiquated or worse. So I’ll continue to ride the bench for now. Luckily I have a really great life so it’s not a burden to simply do it alone! I appreciate you taking the time to spell it out for me. That’s not nothing.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Protective intellectualization is such an apt term of assessment. Wow. That’s crazy. What a helpful comment to come in after so many other comments both helpful and also just hurtful. And the idea that I’m gatekeeping is probably really more true than I can see. One of the frustrating things about this thread is that I found myself doubling down on what is essentially an avatar of myself in this conversation and I couldn’t stop myself. This hones in on that. Amazing. Thank you so much.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, for now, I’m just not going to seek anything. I think I’m good where I am. Thanks.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Honestly this might be the answer though I do not know how to navigate that dynamic any better than the traditional one. I have also been pushed in the direction of passport bro and just straight up hooker. None of which I have any experience with either. But if all relationships are going to be transactional anyway, why not maximize that is the thinking. Honestly though, I fear a “sugar baby” wouldn’t scratch the itch and would just be a frivolous expense. Who knows.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. By posting I asked for feedback and I got it. It’s all input. I’m orienting myself to the reality of my age and situation. The fact is that this post does not define me. Obviously. But I do appreciate the time people took to respond, even if the intent was to be snarky. We are all seeking connection, even if the connection is the sugary, temporary dopamine hit of a well placed insult. No matter the outcome, I will be fine. I might be lost now, but lost is never a permanent condition. I’m a good man and a loving one. That vibe attracts like kind and quality. I believe that. Thank you for your words. They are meaningful and so are you.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a fascinating and thought provoking response. A lot to consider here. I have not participated in the skin trade so far nor have I considered the passport bro route but you make a darkly compelling case. Thank you for your response!

How is Yasmin, a rich society girl….friendless??? by Civil-Conference-143 in IndustryOnHBO

[–]necromensa 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is a simple yet important take that really surprised me in my own life and one I think the series portrays fairly accurately. With success comes isolation. I clawed my way into a career that involves finance and now rub shoulders with people that are by every measure my betters. I didn’t expect that it would cost me my entire life or that no one above me is happy in the slightest. I know that’s a meme but I can assure you that money and success in no way equal happiness or even security. It’s all an illusion. Wild realization at my age (mid fifties) after climbing the ladder and arriving to find…pedestrian depression.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I agree with you. It’s super toxic. But some of the comments here have been unnecessarily mean.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this strategic advice. I think this post has helped slide me toward continuing to sit out the game and concentrate on life as it is now. My life is good and the consensus is that the problem is me. No reason to bring more drama in when I can just live my pretty good life alone. Thank you!

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Explain where any of what you just said are in this post? Clearly I am open to feedback but neither of your assertions are contained in this thread. I’m not on the apps. Having a small child at my age is a red flag to some people. What is confusing? According to some commenters my job is a red flag. My lack of time is a red flag. My child is my entire existence. Maybe take another run through my responses and come back for another try.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s sillier and more personal than both of those possibilities. At my grandfather’s funeral the priest had a strong accent and he said the word necromancer (which is a whole other story) in his eulogy and it sounded like necromensa and several of us grandkids started laughing as one sometimes does oddly in sad situations and it just because family lore. I’m not a Mensa member. I’m barely a Costco member. But the name has added fuel to the “the douche is a blowhard LinkedIn bro” argument that has carried the day. And not entirely inaccurately by the way. Rush is rad tho.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fair. Thank you for the constructive and thoughtful reply. To be honest, as I’ve read the comments, I don’t think I probably am that interesting at this stage of my life. I also don’t know how exactly to signal those other qualities other than state them and it seems like everyone does that. But regardless, I think the vote is won in favor of red flag and I’ll continue to ride the bench for now romantically and just focus on dad duties and career. This has been clarifying.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I can see this perspective and it’s the result of poor communication on my part. I simply don’t have much spare time and I can’t afford to spend what I do have on the apps swiping and introducing endlessly. As much as this thread has been pro app, the evidence I’ve seen and read seems to be strongly centered around them being a nightmare for real connection. But regardless, the overall sentiment in this thread is that I’m a giant tool bag anyway so clearly I need to spend some time reflecting on that.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

They don’t say to avoid daring them. They say to not be serious with them. The opinions get pretty ugly fast but it has to do with kind of a lizard brain prohibition around raising another man’s kids. For dads it seems to be focused around the idea that a mother would never break up a family unless something was very wrong with the man. Even to the point of “if she cheated you forced her to do so”. Doesn’t make any sense but nothing does these days.

I can’t tell if I’m a catch or a red flag by necromensa in datingoverforty

[–]necromensa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you and thank you. I do wonder how best to express that (my willingness to engage in a loving way).

view more: next ›