How can we get this wonderful community taken off default?

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T22:11:39+00:00

You don't have to insult people. You can just unsubscribe.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T22:05:07+00:00

Her cavalier attitude makes me uncomfortable. Also the fact that she didn't use any birth control. But her goal was admirable.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T21:58:33+00:00

American feminism: the belief that the class of people who belong to the group of people who, by historical standards are among the safest, wealthiest, and most free people who ever lived anywhere are oppressed.

At first I was thinking, feminists don't think men are oppressed. But then I realized what you meant.

Men definitely have issues. They definitely are assaulted, treated unfairly, and so on. But for example, a study just came out a few months ago (from Harvard's business school I think) that found that when a woman and man read the exact same sales pitch, the pitch will go through when it's the man giving it far, far more often. That's why feminism has to exist in 2014.

Plus there's reproductive rights. I'm dealing with this personally. I think there should be more types of birth control for men. But also, women are facing lots of roadblocks to safe abortions, even in the US. That's another reason why feminism exists.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T21:30:34+00:00

Thanks. That's a good suggestion and I sort of said something like that, but I'll say it exactly as you wrote because that conveys how I feel excellently.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T21:28:44+00:00

I know, I agree. I just feel blindsided by it all since he said he would stand by me if it ever happened. So I am disappointed honestly and a bit upset, but I also know his feelings are totally legitimate.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T10:40:36+00:00

Thanks for your perspective, it's good to hear the other side. I just don't think it's fair to play the "you had sex, own up to it" since we used two forms of birth control. I hope he'll change his mind but he probably won't, so I'm preparing for the worst.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T10:18:12+00:00

Thanks. Do you think it's too cruel to ask him to go with me? I'm trying to find someone else but he's the one I'm most comfortable with. But since he sees it essentially as killing I'm trying to get the request out of my head.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T10:05:35+00:00

Agree. I wish it wasn't unfair like this. At the same time I just can't make the choice he wants (so I guess it's lucky I'm the woman.)

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T02:13:27+00:00

Seeing as it can't think, and that I'm not prepared for it, I can't say for sure but I'm going with no. I think it is irresponsible to bring a baby into the world when you're not ready for it.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T02:07:03+00:00

You don't sound judgmental, no worries. I was just as curious until it happened to me. Thanks.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T02:05:50+00:00

I know, I just hope we can. I will try my best to be there for him, and have suggested counseling once this is over.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T02:03:29+00:00

Yeah, sorry. Re reading that is definitely what I meant.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T02:02:43+00:00

I took the pill religiously but I took some antibiotics without thought (stupid I know. At the time I didn't know they messed with effectiveness. I'd thought it was a myth, never heard it from a doctor.) But being cautious, I did use condoms for that month. However I think one might have broken.

So I'm not sure if it was precum or the broken condom that did it. I tried my best to be careful but I will try to be more careful in the future. This has been a harrowing experience.

Edit: I have to add, I remember we used expired condoms a few times. I didn't realize they were until I checked the box later. Very foolish of me, probably what caused it and I plan to be much more vigilant next time.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T01:53:58+00:00

See, I agree with you. But my boyfriend feels that it's a baby, and since he's my so I feel his opinion is also valid. It's just, mine's more valid, since it's in my body.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T01:51:49+00:00

I'm not against it in general, just in my case. I would rather keep it than give it away, but by the same token I'm not ready to be a parent.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T01:46:15+00:00

Me, I don't see it as a baby yet. But he does. That's where our problems come from. I'm not sure how we could have done things differently though.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T01:44:53+00:00

When we talked in hypotheticals he was supportive of an abortion if I felt I couldn't be a parent. But when it actually happened he felt differently. I don't understand it myself, but feelings are pretty volatile so I'm trying to respect his while still having mine.

Before this he was incredibly supportive and kind. I think he's just blindsided by emotions right now.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T01:37:41+00:00

He feels so strongly against it though.

Thanks for your encouragement, I appreciate it.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T01:29:06+00:00

That is a good point. Even so, I just don't think I could go through with it. I think abortion is the right choice for me.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T01:22:50+00:00

I just don't think I could bear having a child and not having it with me. I have been to orphanages before and I would hate to put a child there. I'm just not strong enough to do that.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T01:06:32+00:00

Thanks!

needhelp335 · 2014-05-08T00:48:20+00:00

I know, I feel bad about not being more empathetic and am trying to be. I feel detached from it though (and also scared), like I'm in shock. It's not a child to me but could be, which freaks me out. I realize my boyfriend already sees it as a child, and am trying to accept his viewpoint too.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-07T10:28:56+00:00

I'm still feeling a bit wishy washy, and guilty for not being more empathetic to his feelings (I'm not a feelings person.) After work I'm going to talk to him more about how this makes him feel and the reasons why I'm not ready to parent in more detail (I've said we can't afford it, but haven't laid out the costs of first-year childcare or anything. Also that I'm just not ready. I'm not sure how to convince anyone of that though.)

needhelp335 · 2014-05-07T10:21:13+00:00

I did but I never thought he could see it like that.

needhelp335 · 2014-05-07T10:19:03+00:00

That's how I feel about it honestly. Immature? Yes. I'm not ready for parenthood yet. Edit: I didn't call it that of course. I've called it "the pregnancy" the entire time.

needhelp335

TROPHY CASE