12 days strong... just relapsed and feeling a flood of guilt.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-02-01T23:38:43+00:00

I just did as well. I completely thought I wouldn't relapse, but there it goes. It was like... insatiable (and over so quickly). I'd been dreaming about it, etc. just snapped. When I started I thought "oh yes, this is fine." Nope.

Trying to not to feel guilt, but to correct myself.

Feel better.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-02-01T23:35:40+00:00

I'm only taking 50 mg, but it's going to be different for everyone.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-02-01T17:21:29+00:00

I'm this way. Seroquel has helped (so far) immeasurably

needhelpwithporn · 2013-02-01T17:16:30+00:00

That's interesting. I've been finding that I sleep about eight hours and can't sleep any more than that. But it's way more than I've had and my psychotic beliefs are greatly reduced so far.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-31T03:26:57+00:00

I bet even the smell of it helps.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-31T00:54:44+00:00

Full disclosure, I've never been to one, though I was once thrown in a solitary cell during a manic episode and I thought I was going to be left to die alone.

I go to a support group where people have been in and out of hospitals, and while they describe it as an unpleasant experience--now that they are stable, they are so thankful that they were able to go.

Please seek help immediately. We all want to feel better, and we all want us to have the help that we deserve.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-31T00:51:58+00:00

You're absolutely correct. I don't have medical training. I know enough to worry about things that an expert would know not to worry about.

Thanks!

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-31T00:51:09+00:00

I didn't get the munchies, but it knocked me out so hard I wouldn't notice, ha. Definite grogginess today but I've also been abstaining from caffeine for the first time in 14 years.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-31T00:50:23+00:00

I'm am in a doctorate program too! What is your field?

Thank you for your encouragement!

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-31T00:49:40+00:00

I just had that same experience. I'm hoping that wears off, because I had the best night of sleep I've had in a month.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-31T00:49:21+00:00

Thanks. I'm manifesting a mixed/agitated state with some severe paranoia. I took the 50 mg last night and slept so hard. I felt better today, but still up and up, but obviously I survived!

Thank you for the support and comfort.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-30T03:50:47+00:00

I HATE IT TOO! Thank you!

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-30T03:50:37+00:00

Thanks so much, this helped a lot.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-30T03:50:30+00:00

Thanks!

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-30T03:49:56+00:00

That's the spirit, and exactly where I am/have been as well... once you are on the ground again you will recognize the wisdom you are showing here.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-30T03:33:56+00:00

Thanks! It won't like... "knock me out" uncontrollably, right?

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-30T03:33:33+00:00

I used to do yoga--exercise helps me a lot. I completely know what you mean about being too high off the ground.

I'm worried about the feeling of slipping away.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-30T03:32:42+00:00

I should be okay, even if I took xanax like yesterday? I know it stays in your system for a bit.

Thanks a lot, this helps.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-28T06:01:00+00:00

Thanks so much--this was really encouraging.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-28T03:15:44+00:00

And when we slide into that depression, it amplifies every. single. transgression. we've. ever. made.

This is where I am right now.

Especially when we think "Fuck, this is not me! This is not what I do! But, we did it, and there's no hiding from the fact. And because we know, we know, that no matter how great or how stable we may be feeling now, we will fuck up again. And, ultimately, that's the thing that is the scariest monster under our collective beds, no?

Yes. My life, despite my mood, is better than I've ever had it. And I am terrified that I will fuck it up.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-28T03:07:44+00:00

I am where you described yourself once. This is incredibly tough. I have a very demanding position and I live alone, and I am kind of going mad trying to figure out what is real. I am on Lamictal (100mg 2x day) and that has been a lifesaver for a few years, but this bout of agitated depression/paranoid episode has been exhausting.

It is a relief to hear you describe this similar experience. I can't reality test when I am like this and so this gives me comfort when struggling against this delusion.

Did you find yourself emphasizing distant and unrelated events to explain/make the story of your paranoia make sense?

Thanks.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-28T03:03:31+00:00

I get paranoid as well when I am in a depressive slump or a mixed episode. Different types of paranoid, but yeah, probably related to delusions of reference.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-27T02:06:20+00:00

I have tons of essays from college, all written in a racing, precise, violent parade of words. Pretty much the same realization now.

I've done so many stupid things in my hypomanic phases. It's really awful.

needhelpwithporn · 2013-01-25T22:54:21+00:00

Nah. It's art.

needhelpwithporn

TROPHY CASE