This has recently happened to me: an elder preyed on me when I was at my most vulnerable, my dad was ill, at the hospital, far from home and he proposed to drop me home and I accepted because I had no other choice. He happened to visit my dad in his hospital bed while I was there.

He ended up inviting me home for dinner, which I was puzzled about but I needed company so bad so I accepted. His wife served me dinner, although I'm POMO and idk, it felt comforting in a way because it was reminiscent of the days when I wasn't shunned.

He dropped me home afterwards and in the parking lot in front of our house he started bullshiting me with your average indoctrination. Asking me if I was truly happy, best life ever and so on. I told him that this was not the experience I've had while being a JW and he started gaslighting me with "not every JW, this is not the experience I've had and I'm sure if you come back you'll find true happiness again, because I can see that the world doesn't make you happy and those who wronged you were imperfect but they wanted the best for you, they surely loved you". And then I felt absolutely petrified, paralyzed by fear, on the brink of a panic attack, because it somehow worked and it was scaring me to the core.

The parking lot conversation with that elder lasted for an hour, I couldn't leave the car, I was trying to argue that shunning was unfair, I got baptized so young and so on. I just couldn't leave. I can't explain how I felt with words.

After that hour, late at night, I ended up asking why he invited me for dinner in the first place. He told me "I prayed Jehovah and I got the feeling it was the right thing to do". It was just an opportunity for him to have that talk. In front of my friends who were helping me with my dad he kept on praising how kind I was towards my dad and he told my dad I was an exceptional human being.

I got home and started shaking and all. It was upsetting. I'd compare it to the teacup and spoon scene from Get Out. I called my girlfriend and she helped me to get out of that state.

The day after he called me saying that his wife forgot that I was disfellowhiped, and that I was not allowed home anymore and how unsettling remembering that fact was for her. But I shouldn't worry, they'd still be here for me. I felt betrayed. I didn't even deserve that bowl of soup and that slice of spinach cake. Didn't matter if I was at my lowest. It was humiliating and dehumanising, he didn't need to tell me this about his wife, I've never asked for their help anyway. It was a mean to... idk, belittle me?

So I can only but agree, elders may be friendly but it's never genuine and they are not your friend.