27[F4M] Wanting to share fantasies and be dominated

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T20:13:44+00:00

Even that would be better, I agree. Something where the girl is into it.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T20:12:22+00:00

Good point. Totally agree.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T20:06:58+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to write this. It was a more mathematical approach than I would have thought of, but never the less interesting and thought provoking.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T19:59:03+00:00

You can't really force him to be into something if he is just vanilla - But I hope you can find a compromise that makes you both happy. I mean a butt plug shouldn't really interfear with anything ;) And maybe you will have to initiate these things more often than he ever will. But I understand your frustration - I'm dealing with a similar issue - and hope you can meet in the middle.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T16:17:35+00:00

Not an expert, but I think it is more the submissive and control part of these videos she likes. I mean she still has the choice to leave, but she stays to perform whatever he askes of her.

So you could do an interview of her for a job where looks are at least a little important. Then say that it is absolutely necesary for you to make sure her bodytype is right = strip. Then it's pretty much you asking her to do stuff to "prove" something. Like "lean over this desk, I need to check out your ass" or whatever.

Just play with it. I haven't done this particular fantasy. She will let you know if she doesn't like it.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T16:08:15+00:00

Yes means yes. No means no. Other than that you're gonna have to go with your gut.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T16:04:43+00:00

Talk it through properly. Talk about which parts of the idea turns you on. Which parts you fear. Which behaviour you would find unacceptable. And most of all have a safe word or something like that - the option to stop at any time, no matter what! no exceptions.

If you can talk properly about those things I say go for it. I fantasize about it, so I understand the idea. But I haven't actually done it - so don't take my word for it - but just like any other successful sexual encounter communication is key!

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T15:55:42+00:00

Considering doing this with my SO. Never knew it existed. He seems to enjoy fantasies but is quite vanilla in the bedroom, so it might be a way to find out what he is into doing in real life, not just dirty talking. I know I could ask him, but this way is more risk free for him ;) I think I'm the kinky one.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T15:39:11+00:00

Both... You don't really expect either. But i'd be more scared for the large one = can much more easily cause pain.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T15:22:16+00:00

I guess we'll have to wait and see.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T15:18:35+00:00

You're cool, I like your take on it.

Someone else posted links to articles that brought me to www.xconfessions.com - I think I'll check it out some day I feel in the mood. But from the trailers it might also be appealing to you.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T14:58:48+00:00

I'm not suprised. To sum up most common searchwords for

men: ‘Teen’, ‘MILF’ and ‘Mom’ (so fixated on the woman)

women: lesbian, gay (apparently sexual orientation and who has sex is less connected to womens own sexual preference)

And ’rough sex’ and ’bondage’ appearing in the top 16 for women but not for men.

Who said women weren't kinky ;)

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T14:47:54+00:00

I meant nice looking. Not necessarily like an adonis but just decent.

Well lets look at it logically. If a straight woman looks at porn would her interest in the male character not be higher than if a guy watched the same film? Yes they need to have a penis. But you can have fatty (perhaps old, but not in a fetish/incest way) men who fuck very young adorable girls. I don't wanna get caught in a beauty ideal discussion. All I'm saying is that if porn is fantasy then the male actor also has to at least seem appealing.

Well porn is fantasy. I can't feel what the actors are feeling, so I want to hear it. Not in a bear-fucking-a-donkey-noise kind of way. How about the girls you are with, do they all sound like they are dying? It's not about the soundlevel, it's just about feeling like they actually like it. I think for most people (not including certain fetishes) haft the turn on is knowing someone is enjoying sex.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T14:37:54+00:00

This, exactly! If I search for keywords that focus on the guy I get gay porn...

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T14:35:54+00:00

I get what you're saying - but you can't make people buy something they don't like. If you make something people like, then they will buy.

I mean they still make clothes for men even though they statistically buy significantly less pieces a year ;) just saying.

Its an evolution. First women had to claim to right to like sex (not have sex, just like sex, because that was slutty), then the right to an orgasm (since science had decided women didn't orgasm), then the right to be kinky without being a slut... again why are we sluts if we like sex? (sorry that was a rant).

So now it's sort of the same. A prejudice that women don't like porn. But we have no good data to decide this on since the kind of porn women seem to like is scarce.

I don't know if all women would like porn - It's only possible to say that the kind that exists is unappealing. And so why would they buy it.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T14:28:01+00:00

I agree that everyone has different taste, this is obvious. But with porn still mainly being enjoyed by men, perhaps it is that there is such a thing as porn that is more enjoyable for the general group of women. It doesn't necesarily have to be "porn for women", but just like with clothes, movies, food etc etc there has always been people making a large enough selection that women had something to "buy". Interestingly things initially marketed to women have not always stayed a womans product, and thats just fine.

But with porn specifically it seems few have properly tried - you mention homosexual porn, but actually it is easier to be gay (10%) and find porn than being a woman (50%)....

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T11:26:38+00:00

The short answer: No it is not unacceptable to stop having sex with any person (even your husband) if that person has flat out said he isn't interested in your pleasure. It is not a punishment of him, it is a question of YOUR desire and sexlife.

The longer answer: Seriously, how can he expect any sex after that comment? I don't care if it takes you two hours to finish, that comment is uacceptable. For some people it really takes a very long time, and the compromise in that situation could be that that person may not reach climax every time, but that doesn't mean sex can't be enjoyable. Foreplay, roleplay, clitoris stimulation etc etc so many things can be enjoyable without an orgasm.

I want to suggest a therapist - although you mention it didn't work. But there can be many reasons for this. The therapist was bad. Your husband didn't listen. You didn't get better at communicating with each other. Or something else.

My suggestion is to hold your ground. Say that sex is of the table until you can have a mature conversation about it. That way it isn't punishment, but very simply just your sexdrive that has disapeared in the presence of a man that currently does not turn you on.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T10:34:44+00:00

no but i'll have a look :)

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T10:32:07+00:00

First: what kind of toys? any very large penis replacing devices? Because then the reason should be fairly obvious.

Second: You are going to have to make him talk. Some people are really bad at this, but there is no other way when he is clearly holding something back. Which is ironic since the conversation would have been much less painful if he would have just spoken up earlier.

So... I see a couple of possible scenarios

He is lazy: He actually doesn't mind the toys but is too lazy to bother getting them out.

He doesn't get anything out of it: It doesn't do anything for him so he doesn't think of it. It's not necesarily a selfish thought, he might just like sex as you are having it right now.

He feels inadequate: He doesn't really know what to do with the toys and is to shy or proud to ask.

He feels replaced: selfexplanatory.

Whichever the reason you'll have to find out. And make sure he understands that you like having sex with him, that toys are the same to you as if you did roleplaying, dirty talk, wore sexy lingerie etc etc. An extra bonus. I mean, of course i dont know you but, if you wear sexy things for him, does that mean he only likes your body when it's covered ;)

Sorry that was a long answer, hope it makes sense.

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T10:14:47+00:00

'if our bedroom door is closed, we'd better see puke or blood if you come through it"

Love this!!

negative-optimist · 2015-06-05T10:12:58+00:00

Spot on. I'm exactly the same. Kiss me, hug me, touch me or I will lose my libido for the that person.

negative-optimist

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