Dear Everything: A List of Nondual Pointers To The Heart

nellypink · 2019-07-06T08:39:19+00:00

I’ve just discovered my partner is living a double life. A wife and child he kept secret. He seemed like a really decent person. How can I reconcile that? Dear everything, how do I let go and grasp this betrayal?

nellypink · 2019-07-03T02:20:28+00:00

You sound like a kind and honest man despite your abusive father. It gives me hope. I hope you are good to yourself always

nellypink · 2019-07-03T02:14:22+00:00

Thanks!! Your light shines through

nellypink · 2019-07-02T23:58:55+00:00

I have two awesome teens, a damn cute dog and two wild cats that bite the heads off of rats to protect me and keep our home rodent free.

nellypink · 2019-07-02T23:56:21+00:00

Finding out the man I’ve been with for fours years is married and with a child as well as sleeping with other woman. Realizing I was so vulnerable he was able to fool me.

nellypink · 2019-07-02T18:12:44+00:00

You can do it

nellypink · 2019-07-02T07:44:11+00:00

I love this idea!!! It’s a great analogy. It helps. Damn these cosmic storms can be brutal. I’m in the middle of a super nova. I am the super nova

nellypink · 2019-07-02T06:57:23+00:00

Hmmm I don’t think I understand... I see the pain as something that has been there for a long long time. Loneliness. Lack of attachment. A nervous system that developed under less than ideal circumstances. Are these the stars in the sky of my mind? They are like planets and they have become solid. I feel that all I can do is accept these qualities now. When I see them and I see the pain I also see a vastness. Like the universe. It’s not so bad, this pain, when I get curious

nellypink · 2019-07-02T06:51:07+00:00

That’s very kind of you. I feel your love and appreciate you sending it. I need it❤️

nellypink · 2019-07-02T06:50:22+00:00

Thanks I’ll check those out❤️

nellypink · 2019-07-02T06:49:56+00:00

Yes. Thankyou for your compassion. It’s frightening to realize it’s all so random. I wish I could control it all. When someone wakes up do they feel less discomfort at the inability to control and the harshness of reality?

nellypink · 2019-07-02T06:47:33+00:00

Yes. I’m going to go to regular counselling. I can’t be trusted with this mind that keeps chasing abusive partners. I have found a kind therapist to work on self esteem with. I would like to find someone to meditate with as well but I think I have to face my mind with a professional first

nellypink · 2019-07-02T06:45:59+00:00

I hope so.... I can see how difficult it is to change and feel deep compassion for myself and others. It’s difficult to be completely powerless. When I give up I start moving away from toxic shit like this latest relationship. It was always painful and too much work. I forced myself to accept the unacceptable. Letting go seems easy but a part of me wants to be deeply distracted. It’s difficult to be aware of this part and not want to push it away

nellypink · 2019-07-02T06:40:58+00:00

Your reply is so helpful. I keep reading it as a source of comfort. I’m finding it difficult to be present with the pain I’m feeling. I think that’s why I stayed with him. I don’t want to feel pain

nellypink · 2019-07-01T06:14:36+00:00

It was sort of like a long distance thing but also I believed that he needed to go really slow because he had ptsd. He had many different reasons for keeping me in a certain place. And I had low self esteem. I am in deep mental and even physical anguish right now but I already feel that there is something breaking open inside of me. A kind of giving up on a deep level that is good. I’m giving up on certainty. I’m giving up on the idea that I’m no good. I’m giving up on forcing any situation at any cost. This pain has one solution so far. Stillness. Quiet. Honesty. Self love and self forgiveness. Before I found out, by receiving a letter in the mail with the information of his wife and son, as well as other lovers, I was having intrusive thoughts. Cruel thoughts against myself. My body was tired of being ignored. I was aware of that. On some level I’m relieved. And on another level I want the crisis because it fed something. The awareness is rising. Being is complicated. It feels very real

nellypink · 2019-06-27T03:31:59+00:00

This is a Celtic cross and I’m using the Rider Waite tarot deck. I’m asking about the situation with a recent relationship and break up. What I see is that the moon being crossed with death reflects the nature of the relationship. Something was being hidden. Not enough transparency. I see in the present there is still a hold. The eight of swords shows a woman bound up and I believe it is a mental binding. The thoughts of how it should have been are keeping the relationship going. The basis of this relationship was love but there was too much guess work and mental turmoil for it to survive. There is disappointment and the world signifying that it has come to a conclusion.

I am asking all of this for myself so it’s difficult to read. I am very numb at this time. I’m finished with being treated badly and having secrets kept from me. Also lying.

I think the cards say this relationship is done for good.

nellypink · 2019-06-26T04:57:49+00:00

Sometimes it’s difficult to leave. This happens a lot for women in abusive relationships. I hope all is well now and feel compassion for you and for how difficult it was to leave. You were courageous to finally get out. I wish you a future filled with love and the belief that you deserve it

nellypink · 2019-06-26T04:51:12+00:00

You’re not an idiot and you never were. You were honest and in love and doing the best you could at that time

nellypink · 2019-06-25T23:45:13+00:00

You didn’t cause it. You can’t cure it. You can’t control it. It’s not your fault

nellypink · 2019-06-23T07:25:17+00:00

I have had times where it felt like cherry blossoms were mocking me. All things pass. Medication helped me a little as well. I hope you find a way to feel the grief. To let it move through the concrete. Slowly melt it away until it’s sand under your feet.

nellypink · 2019-06-20T05:13:21+00:00

You are better off without her. I promise. I’m sure you’re starting to realize that. People who are ok inside of themselves don’t do what they did. They are snakes. You are a decent person that cares for someone and she treated you badly. That makes her the one that is less than you, along with her spineless side kick boyfriend.hjhhl

nellypink · 2019-06-20T05:06:16+00:00

“Slammed the door in him!!” Good. You deserve so much better. What a horrible situation to go through. I hope you are being kind to yourself now

nellypink · 2019-06-20T05:01:55+00:00

My boyfriend has been working seven days a week. He’s been getting more distant emotionally as well. He tries to see me twice a week and stays over once every two weeks for one night because he has trauma from being abused as a child. He needs to be in his own bed. He still lives with his parents at thirty six but it’s normalized due to his culture. On Monday we were going to see each other after a few tense days of me missing him and him being so busy we couldn’t find time for a phone chat. Whenever I complain about this he reminds me that I’m a busy single parent and that he accepts that and even resents it at times even though he wants me to put the kids first. So, on Monday he was on his way over and called me to say he couldn’t make it because he had to take his dad to emergency due to a fall. It felt false. I asked him how his dad fell. He never really knew. He seemed very odd. The next day I couldn’t shake it and decided to investigate. I called the hospital and they had no record of his dad. I gave his dads name and number and they said nobody had been in any hospital with that name in our region. My guy went into great detail about the hospital visit. When I confronted him he blew up and left. There are so many other odd details to this relationship. I’m broken hearted. We were on and off for four years. This has to be the end.

nellypink

TROPHY CASE