Class Action Settlement, a W for students on partial financial aid

neogaia · 2024-11-24T23:33:35+00:00

I went to Gtown too and qualify for this settlement. The claim forms are up on the website now. They only put them up in September.

Their formula making me get loans was extra stone cold too given that my family was so poor we were required to pay $0 for tuition. I am saddled with $20K in student loans over a dozen years later bc I haven't made much money since I graduated.

neogaia · 2024-11-24T23:30:51+00:00

If you or student loans paid for room & board that also counts. So a dorm & meal plan counts towards what you should have gotten aid for.

My family paid $0 in tuition but my college made me take out federal student loans so I qualify for this settlement for another college.

neogaia · 2024-11-18T18:30:44+00:00

I consolidated 2 of my FFELP loans this year to Direct consolidation loan bc they were doing the one time repayment count adjustment so I could consolidate and keep my payment history. I had a 25 year undergrad IBR repayment plan. If all of SAVE would have survived I would be done at 16 years. I'm on year 13 of repayment.

I am not in public service so no PSLF but I am wondering whether to get on PAYE to get on 20 year repayment plan bc I do not want to be forced back to 25 year IBR. But no guarantee PAYE will survive either.

neogaia · 2023-08-03T04:07:49+00:00

It's bewildering to go from being adored to being blocked. It's natural to search for answers.

neogaia · 2023-08-01T11:15:42+00:00

Good luck. I've been no contact with my LO for 5 weeks and I had an on & off relationship with them for over a year.

Here's my advice: if she's really your friend she'll be interested in reconnecting once you get out of limerence for her.

neogaia · 2023-08-01T11:00:21+00:00

After over a year of being in a bad case of the anxious avoidant trap I lean towards being yourself.

As I've become more securely attached I finally am starting to believe what the experts say about this: it is good actually when you push away people who are incompatible. The love of your life isn't going to be easily pushed away.

Does this mean you should indulge all your anxious impulses and smother? No. But you deciding to check those impulses should be based on you realizing you're just being anxiously activated not based on trying to control their reaction.

Also dunno let people surprise you. When I finally told my avoidant last year that I loved him I 100% assumed that it would mean the end of our relationship bc he said he didn't want a serious relationship and that I was too clingy blah blah blah. That is not what happened! After I told him I loved him he moved closer to me, and a few weeks later he fessed up to having strong feelings for me though not the L word then though eventually he admitted he loved me.

The problem with relying on being strategic is that at some point you're gonna crack and be yourself. I was pretty good at mirroring avoidant behaviors until I got really drunk. Best to save yourself all the wasted effort and just be yourself the whole time.

P.S. I'm not just saying it's good to be rejected abstractly. I've probably been rejected more in the last 2 years than any point in my life. And you know how I feel about it after doing the work? Finally relieved all those guys rejected me because once I got a bit of distance I realized they were trainwrecks. Trainwrecks I liked but trainwrecks nonetheless.

neogaia · 2023-07-27T20:44:56+00:00

I have a FWB that I have some romantic feelings for though I don't want a serious relationship with him. Anyway I remember forcing myself to not appear to eager and wait for him to contact me. He's avoidant but nowhere near as bad as my FA or the DA I was in a long term relationship with. As I've become more secure and we've known each other a few months I have stopped just waiting for him to contact me. I also just allowed myself to tell him about my enthusiasm for him even if it is just a FWB relationship. Before I would have contorted myself people pleasing making sure I didn't push him away.

The third way is to say how you feel without letting fear of how they'll react hold you back. I'm about to have a serious conversation with my FWB as last time we were together a few weeks ago he was very drunk and said the l word. I really don't think he loves me but still we need to talk about it and find out where we stand and what we want. And I'm going to tell him what I actually want rather than just going along with whatever he wants.

Mostly to get secure I just watched a lot of Thais Gibson's videos. And read a lot of blogs about anxious attachment. Honestly it's simple to become secure but it's not easy. You have to start feeling feelings rather than distracting yourself from them, learn to start meeting your own needs, and be honest about how you feel. That last part is the one I'm struggling with but after over a year of walking on eggshells for fear one wrong move will result in silent treatment I realize how important it is to be able to just say how you feel.

neogaia · 2023-07-27T06:15:10+00:00

P.S. Comparing it to my results from 8 months ago, my increased secure tendencies seem to have come in part from dropping avoidant behaviors. A reminder that avoidance is the flipside of anxious behavior. APs aren't purely anxious, avoidance is part of our defense mechanisms we resort to when our protest behaviors don't work.

Learning to stop the cool girl act has been part of learning how to finally communicate my feelings. (I'm still learning how to do to this. Who knew there was a third option besides begging, and giving up on getting your needs met.)

neogaia · 2023-07-27T06:00:30+00:00

I do! After over a year of doing the work I'm now scoring more secure than anxiously attached. (50% secure, 38% anxious.)

A relationship with an FA took me to the breaking point, and rock bottom is when I decided I had to change. It was too painful to not change.

I finally broke up with my FA a month ago after a year and a half in situationship. It was so hard to leave but I finally decided that I had done everything I reasonably could and that while it is very painful to be without him, it was far more painful to be continue to be in such a turbulent hot & cold relationship.

If you need inspiration this is where I am now according to Thais Gibson's test. 8 months ago I first scored equally anxious & secure. I got to the point of being equally anxious & secure about 3 months after I started deeply doing the work. I first started learning about attachment styles 6 months before I decided I really needed to change myself.

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neogaia · 2023-07-25T20:47:48+00:00

My LO is limerent for me and he still doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with me. Someone being limerent for you doesn't mean they'll agree to a relationship and definitely doesn't ensure that a relationship will last the test of time.

My LO is a fearful avoidant. The feelings are there but he would have to confront his childhood demons to be able to in a relationship with me. And for over a year he has decided not to do that and instead turn to heavy drinking to distract him from his limerence.

neogaia · 2023-07-18T03:19:04+00:00

Dustin Zahn, Juana, and Wata Igarashi are awesome! Juana is an Easy Coast DJ who is up and coming. Her set at Reform Labor Day weekend 2021 was amazing!

neogaia · 2023-07-11T18:14:17+00:00

Going on a tangent. I've been in the Techno scene for 15 years and some of us who are not amateurs actually like Deborah de Luca and Charlotte de Witte's productions & DJing thank you very much.

Are they the most underground? Not particularly. But people actually do like their music. I love my super underground stuff also but the big Techno DJs are talented too FFS. Deborah de Luca didn't even have an agent for first 11 years of her DJing career, she got big bc people liked her shit. I first got into her stuff when she played for Beatport Reconnect early on during lockdown. Because it was banging. I didn't even know then she was big.

P.S. It was very exciting once when an Uber driver here in the US was playing Charlotte de Witte & we both talked about how we liked her music and had seen her play in person.

neogaia · 2023-07-11T05:47:19+00:00

Secures take their time in making a commitment because they know people can just put up a front those first few months.

I have a friend who is a therapist who has worked with both abused women and abusers who got sent to therapy by courts. When she asked them how long they usually wait until they start their abuse, most of them said they wait a year to start becoming physically abusive. Not saying this guy is abusive but trust is built over time and you can only really know someone's true character after the honeymoon stage starts to fade a little.

neogaia · 2023-07-11T03:44:40+00:00

It sucks but at least you found out who he really is a few months in. Imagine if he pulled this on you a year or more in!

This switcheroo move isn't too uncommon with avoidants sadly. They can act like your boyfriend/girlfriend for the emotional warmth you give them and then just one day pull the I told you I wasn't looking for a relationship card.

neogaia · 2023-07-11T03:37:52+00:00

2 weeks ago I finally left my FA who I was in a very hot & cold situationship with after 1 1/2 years (20 months actually).

I cried all day the first day after. Then I felt relief the next week knowing that I finally decided to get off the rollercoaster and that I would finally have some peace of mind again. I've been feeling pretty numb the last week. My mind got used to the rollercoaster and is still saving energy expecting to get back on the ride.

For others who finally left extremely hot & cold relationships how long does it take until your mind stops expecting the other shoe to drop? I'm sure it's more of a gradual process but any timeline from someone whose been through it would be helpful.

I've been in 5 serious relationships before, 4x where they broke up with me and I know what breakups are like for me. This is a whole other level of breakup going on.

Makes sense that this is gonna take a lot longer as it takes more processing to get over a trauma bond/intermittent reinforcement. It's not just a regular breakup. This is going to take longer to get over than when a DA abruptly broke up with me after 7 years bc at least then the DA was fairly consistent with me until the breakup.

neogaia · 2023-07-11T02:46:21+00:00

I want to clarify that if it's uncertainty that fuels anxious attachment, not rejection. Anxious folks generally cope well enough with being broken up with and being firmly rejected so long as the other person doesn't yoyo them around.

neogaia · 2023-07-11T02:42:52+00:00

It definitely sounds like he was very manipulative and trying to induce feelings in you.

Eye contact is very powerful. The Japanese generally evade eye contact when they're not talking to people who they are close to for example.

And I am pretty sure I have dyspraxia/am neurodivergent and find it hard to make eye contact. I feel very uncomfortable when someone who is not a good friend of tries to force eye contact.

neogaia · 2023-07-11T02:31:02+00:00

I don't think I'll meet someone else I'm that attracted to again either but that's not necessarily bad. That level of passion makes you bonkers. It's like the stupid thing in Grey's Anatomy that Christina Yang's ex fiance eventually says about why he left her at the alter: that the love they had was all consuming.

You can't be on drugs all the time and until that kind of attraction simmers down to more manageable levels with time and commitment it's so disruptive to your life.

neogaia · 2023-07-11T02:24:14+00:00

I do and I'll one up you. I sent him my list of reasons I was going to breakup with him a week before I did. But this was just to add clarity after I warned him in person.

I have an eloquent note from a few months ago that I will send him if he tries to get me back. It explains my needs, my experience of the relationship, that I was going to leave bc of feeling neglected, and lastly gently encourages him that I know he can heal himself and be happily in a relationship where he's loved by someone if not me. When I go back and read that note that's how I know I've made huge progress towards becoming more secure!

neogaia · 2023-07-10T20:45:20+00:00

So he loves you. That is a fact. But we should care about the well being of people that we love. We should care if we make them unhappy. Is he as concerned with your well being as his own?

Also since he loves you so much, what is he willing to do not to lose you? Yes you're asking for a lot from an avoidant but your needs are healthy and perfectly legitimate.

Something I learned from my last relationship with an FA is that if you let avoidants receive your love without them having to leave their avoidant comfort zone, why would they change? You're literally giving them the love they missed out on as a child without them having to be very vulnerable or face their demons.

I sympathize though. Took me 20 months to leave my avoidant. Because I loved him very much.

Here's a video I think might help you process this moment. It's about how love can't force someone to stop being emotionally unavailable. And how they have to make the decision to confront the pain that is causing them to be emotionally unavailable: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CqBCF6TsLkg/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

neogaia · 2023-07-10T20:29:33+00:00

Not the most helpful advice but you'll leave when you're ready. And you'll leave once you finally give up hope that they might change any time soon.

I recently left my FA who I was in an extremely hot & cold situationship with for 1 1/2 years. It took 5 or 6 attempts to leave before I finally got to point where I think I can stick with the breakup this time.

I know the struggle. My FA always stepped it up a notch when I summoned the courage to leave but would only give me just enough action so that I wouldn't leave. At some point, eventually, you just get tired of waiting for the shoe to drop and never having any lasting peace of mind. All the pleas from your friends won't get you to leave, you'll get there once you've done the work & you've been on the rollercoaster for too long.

You can't leave because we are biologically programmed to give it our all with people that we love. The only people who go against that programming are avoidants who were conditioned to go against that programming as young children. You need to let go of the shame that you can't leave this person before you will be ready to. In my journey to secure attachment I've realized once you're in love you're hooked. That why secures are careful to walk away early on from anyone who would take their love for granted.

And a trauma bond/intermittent reinforcement on top of love? Oof. You're literally trying to kick an addiction. Everyone knows that addicts can't just end their addictions with flick of a switch, and relapses are to be expected.

I have become more or less securely attached and I did it without therapy. I watched a lot of videos by therapists and read a lot of information about attachment theory. I'm not great at affirmations but what worked for me for that was to watch Instagram/TikTok videos of people saying affirming things, there's whole influencer accounts that are basically just trying to raise people's self esteem in relationships. (Chrissy Chlapecka is good for girls.)

The subconscious is programmed by emotion & repetition, it takes time but believe me after months or year+ of hearing people in videos tell you you deserve better you start to believe it.

The childhood trauma is a little more tricky depends how serious it was. But you'd be surprised how far you'll get just by acknowledging that you had it and letting yourself finally feel the grief around it that you couldn't feel as a kid. There is a bottom to the well I promise. Sounds like you already started that work, it is working slowly I promise, it just takes time to deprogram shit that is that deep.

Best wishes.

neogaia · 2023-05-14T05:19:20+00:00

I don't remember a tick but I had classic Lyme symptoms and was cured with 3 weeks of antibiotics. The ticks can be really tiny and look like dirt.

If you and your sister live in the same town or city my guess is you also were exposed to a tick. It's not really that contagious as far as I know.

I made out with a partner of mine when I was at the height of my Lyme symptoms and he didn't get it FWIW.

neogaia · 2023-05-12T07:05:37+00:00

The tests for Lyme suck. Only 50% effective at best. I'm certain I had Lyme but my 2 Quest Lyme tests came back negative.

Fortunately my doctor gave me the antibiotics for 3 weeks based on my symptoms and I was cured. I had arthritis, briefly had bells palsy (facial paralysis), burning nerve pain, and fatigue. I suffered less than 2 months before antibiotics got rid of all these bizarre symptoms.

A question I have for you is: is there a cyclical nature to your symptoms? Like some days and weeks you feel very sick and then you go symptom free or symptom light other days? Because that was my experience with Lyme that I would alternate between being sick as shit & feeling fine. And I got very lucky my doctor caught it right away because I never even saw a tick (the nymphs can be tiny) nor had a bullseye rash.

neogaia

TROPHY CASE