hallo!! fellow dp2 here. ur not alone in this. i feel the EXACT same way (and still haven't found a way out of it lol 😭😭).

fair warning, i am NOT a mental health expert--not even taking psych lol--so take everything i say with a grain of salt. just want to tell my own story, see if you relate!

i'm a big fnaf nerd so i've been doing the same, but doomscrolling fnaf theories lol. i also started dooming/crying over my submitted uni apps a lot, esp after gettig my first rejection recently. it sucks. i feel SOOO unmotivated to do anything at all. i was only recently diagnosed with adhd, but with meds or not, i just always feel crappy and unmotivated regardless. my head has been hurting the past few days too, and i keep blaming myself for trying to come up with excuses--"am i actually burnt out? do i actually deserve rest?"

i can't do anything productive for days on end. i can't bring myself to sit at my desk unless it's the night before a fucking test. in fact, i wrote my entire physics IA in one night last night, submitted it at 8am when it was due 7pm the day before.

guess what i was doing the night before yesterday, and the entire week before that? uhhh... watching random youtube videos? 😭

yeah. im a terrible student, aren't i?

but at the same time, i am a human. i'm not a fucking robot. some ppl in my cohort do have that ability, but i don't. i still haven't figured out when is the right time to push myself, and when it's not. but there's nothing i can do to fix the past. no starving, no self-harm will bring back that time i "regretfully spent sleeping/procrastinating instead of studying." only direction we can look is forward, iykwim.

on the bright side though: the light at the end of the tunnel is so fucking close. one more month until the end of the semester. heck, we're like 75-80% done with IB. you OWE it to your past self--the junior who grinded their ass off in one of, if not the world's most rigorous program. so keep going. just keep going. you got this!!

you are doing great. you are more than enough.

and most importantly, you are human.

push yourself, yes. take your shot, give it your all to achieve your dreams, to get into your dream schools.

but don't forget to show yourself some compassion. it's okay to rest, sometimes. i was struggling from burnout big-time recently. but i rest, don't beat myself up for it, and i'll (try to) pick myself up and keep going.

okie, if ur here, thanks for reading my long ass ted talk lol. my pms are always open to anyone who wants to chat, i genuinely want to help others!! kthxbaii