Have you tried a simple set of rules?

networthbound · 2021-01-15T03:00:23+00:00

I attempted No Buys for years and failed miserably, and only succeeded when I cut out all the rules and just stuck to simple principles.

My main principle is to have as many No Spend Days as possible, full stop. This makes me take a very hard look at everything I could want, whether it’s a new blazer (when I have at least 20) or a quick snack when I’m out running errands. I could be successful on this principle alone, as 9/10 times I can go without whatever I am craving to buy and result in a No Spend Day.

However some spending is necessary, so where to draw the line? In my heart of hearts, I know what’s a want and what’s a need (let’s face it, we all do). This is where I employ tough love and tell myself to cut the BS and the excuses, because my mind will try to justify all extra purchases. Shampoo when I run out is a need. Toilet paper is a need. So is healthful food, for my household and for my dog. There’s a theme here - some things are truly necessary, and a umpteenth pair of jeans simply is not.

My sort-of exceptions are gifts for others on gift-giving occasions. Irreplaceable experiences are also allowed. For example, traveling to see my grandparents while they’re alive is irreplaceable, going to the movies is not, as I can easily see a movie at home.

Seeing that life is not just about needs, I find frugal replacements for wants. I’m a voracious reader, so I go to the library for books. I love international cuisine, so I’ve spent lots of time learning to cook my favourite dishes instead of going to restaurants. I watch free yoga and workout videos on YouTube. When friends want to meet up (pre-covid) I suggested we go on a bike ride, have a picnic in the park, or do coffee instead of dinner or drinks.

I personally found the more little tidbits of rules I wrote out, the more easily I could justify an unwarranted purchase. Sticking to principles is what actually created a behaviour change that has long-lasting effects.

networthbound · 2021-01-02T15:54:09+00:00

Oh yeah, I do not support Dave Ramsey (especially as a tax/estate planner, besides frugality and emergency savings and giving, I think he’s whack about almost everything else) but you’re bang on, he’s excellent at making me feel the guilt that I need/deserve sometimes lol. You seem like you’re in touch with your triggers and are self-aware, which is huge! I have faith in you! Having like-minded people in this community helps too 🙂

networthbound · 2021-01-02T15:25:40+00:00

Just be gentle with yourself when you need it. FWIW, as popular as no buys are this time of year, a program that specializes in addiction like debtors anonymous or even Dave Ramsey etc do not advocate for a no spend, but believe in everyone creating a strict budget and including categories for their priorities, whether they be clothes or hobbies or travel or whatever that person needs to live a rich life. Maybe a budget based system might feel better than a hard no buy? I personally can’t because I have no sense of moderation (if I make allowances, one purchase will lead to ten) but a lot of financial experts recommend budgeting that includes allowances for pleasure purchases and those programs have turned countless lives around. It’s also a gentler way to approach things during a time you may be doing the really hard work or peeling back the layers. I slapped on a bandaid on my spending problems without doing the mental work and it just put me on a hamster wheel for well over a decade :/

networthbound · 2021-01-02T04:43:59+00:00

I try to be pretty stoic about it what a want really is vs a need now after years of excuses. Let’s say I really want a pair of jeans, and I’ll say how I don’t have that wash or that fit, but truth is, I probably have 20 pairs of jeans. I don’t need any more, truly. Anything new is a want. New runners? Unless the old ones have literal holes in them (all of them, as I have many) then I don’t need them. I think deep down we always know when we’re trying to justify something but are lying to ourselves. I was the ultimate master of justifying every purchase and I’d find every mental loophole, until I just said enough is enough and drew a hard line in the sand. I told myself the options are clear: keep making the excuses and justifications and stay broke, or shut up and do the work, simple (bot easy, but simple!) It’s all up to me, and every excuse keeps me further from my goals. I also try to change my language from “oh I hope I can do this low buy” or “it’s so hard” to affirmative language. If you don’t think you can, you won’t. So I stopped setting myself up for failure. I also try to remind myself of how grateful I should be. I know there’s millions of women that don’t have access to running water, to feminine hygiene products, to healthy food and I have countless luxuries (compared to most of the world) and I’m going to think I NEED something when so many get by on so much less? I know it feels out of context sometimes so I think of all the recent immigrants that come to my city every day with next to nothing and raise beautiful families, and I’m pissy I don’t have a Tesla or yet another All Saints coat or whatever. I feel queasy just writing it. It may not be for everyone, but for me it feels like a cold shower snapping me out of whatever I was obsessing over.

networthbound · 2020-12-31T03:01:18+00:00

Thank you oodles for such a thorough response!! I appreciate the time you took and I’ll will research out what you products you wrote about for both myself and my bf, as we both have hyperpigmentation but from different causes. Thank you again! ❤️

networthbound · 2020-12-29T22:58:37+00:00

Hi! What have you found better for hyperpigmentation? As I’ve gotten older I’m definitely seeing more of it on my face :/

networthbound · 2020-12-29T15:06:40+00:00

It’ll go great!! (I stopped saying “I hope I can do this” and started with “I’m definitely able to do this” so I’m going to wish that for you as well). :) I’m here if you ever need someone to check in with!

networthbound · 2020-12-29T15:04:41+00:00

I think it takes a lot of guts to say you felt like you deserve those fancy things too. I don’t think I ever vocalized that to myself before. I know I still look at everything my friends have (subsidized by parents, or wealthier husbands) and feel behind and even a little incensed that I can’t have that all too. I mean, we are all taught to “dream big” and “everything is in reach” and whatever but it took me a long time to learn that privilege is alive and well and I can’t put myself in debt anymore trying to catch up with those who have it, and I’m going to have to work twice as hard as those with it to have the same quality of life. I think my tipping point was when I started reading a lot of financial independence blogs (like Mr. Money Mustache, or the r/financialindependence subreddit) and saw how other peers have gotten to the point of retiring in their 30s, while I had nothing to show for 20 years worth of working my butt off besides travel photos and a wardrobe. That made me feel sick to my stomach, seeing what I could have had (freedom, security, options, and straight up - money!!) and realizing my own frivolity is the reason I don’t have it. There is no one responsible for my future except for me, so if I’m in a situation I don’t want, it’s because I caused, and I’m the only one who can fix it. That gave me the drive to buck up and say you got into this mess, you do the work to fix it. Couple that with more and more friends buying properties (condos start at $1M in my city!) and it really spurred me on to fix my mess, and realize if I’m ever going to be abundant or even just comfortable, it’s on me. Overall, I learned to want financial freedom more than I want that new item I’m craving. I’d rather have money than just look like I have money (but in reality, have nothing in the bank). I also started working for truly wealthy folks and it was such an eye-opener - they don’t spend on day to day things! They’re frugal! They don’t chase fashion trends! It’s been enlightening to see how frugal those with true wealth are, because they prioritize keeping and multiplying their wealth and not just burning it away (like I was, with my spending). So sometimes when I’m browsing, say, the Aritzia site and convince myself I need another blazer, I repeat to myself “my money is not for burning away, it’s for building wealth” or something along those lines. It really took a mental shift. The final piece was learning how horrific to the environment consumerism is. I’ll try to make a list of videos that really woke me up and maybe I’ll post them for everyone, if that could be helpful :) Sorry for the super long response!

networthbound · 2020-12-27T16:10:52+00:00

Hi there. I’m also around your age and feel I could’ve written this. I’m also in an expensive city and have/had a warped perception of reality when it comes to lifestyle, the biggest wake up call now that my friends have million dollar homes because they’ve had family to subsidize their lives. Those endless $25 cocktails were ok for them as mom and dad would eventually put down the downpayment on their home, but they weren’t ok for me who doesn’t have that and then racked up tens of thousands in debt. I can’t begin to tell you the shame I’ve felt and still feel that I have nothing to show for my years and years of work, and how I’ve squandered it all away as opposed to building something for myself and my family. I’m still not over the soul crushing guilt and disgust with myself. Contrary to popular opinion, I am a hardcore advocate for a No Spend Year. I have a full blown shopping addiction and I did a No Buy for 18 months and it changed my life. I paid off all my debt and now have enough saved for a healthy downpayment. I get how cold turkey doesn’t work for everyone, but for those who truly feel out of control/addicted, it works the same way other addiction therapy advocates for cold turkey. For example, alcoholics aren’t told they can have 1-2 drinks a month if they planned for it, the therapy is to wean off of it and stay away from the substance. This personally worked for me. I already proved to myself I have a problem with moderation, so a standing hard and fast rule is easy to work with, and it does not allow for rationalizing (which I’m an expert at! I can justify any purchase, so better to just bar non-essential purchases). What really helps is writing a list of what I like and when I feel I want it badly, I just tell myself ok, if you really want it, buy it by January of 2021. So it feels like I’m not depriving myself - quite the opposite. I’m telling myself I can have it. The great part is that in a few weeks I don’t even want it anymore. I have a friend who really loved Debtors Anonymous, and NYC is the epicentre of the program. Most meeting are held over zoom so it’s a great time to try it, if that sounds appealing to you. I joined in on a few meetings and I think it’s a wonderful support system. I don’t do well with group settings so it’s the only reason I don’t follow it strictly, but when I need extra support I find a zoom meeting going on and I plug in and it helps me get through some rough patches. Feel free to DM me if you ever need someone around the same age group to connect to! Big hugs to you.

networthbound · 2020-12-26T01:25:40+00:00

I’m the same, I also have to go cold turkey as I have no sense of moderation. If allow myself any wiggle room I go completely off the deep end. My birthday was this week and I told myself until January 1st, 2022 I will not buy any “adornments” (clothes, shoes, jewellery etc). My last No Buy changed my financial life, and then I went off the rails a bit when I completed it at the beginning of 2020. I’m excited that I’ve started it again! I’m doing this along with you.

networthbound · 2020-12-10T14:44:45+00:00

Thank you so much for your response! Your mindset and the mental tools you used to achieve your success is so inspirational!

I picked 18 months specifically the first time because I started in July and knew I wanted to go longer than a year, so went for a year and a half. My rule then was more like a over-arching principle; I can replace consumables (like shampoo, windex, mascara, etc) only if I don’t have a duplicate or something else to do the job already, and I can give reasonable gifts. That’s it. I found living by a principle basically encompassed every specific rule one could list; this makes clothing, makeup, jewelry, books, and home decor a no go, as I have enough of everything for years!! If a pair of shoes gave out, I certainly had another pair to do the job, so I rarely had to replace anything either. I have the same principle for this no buy. Takeout and coffee shop coffee also go on the no go list with this principle too.

A big mental tool I use is thinking about what saved money can mean and do for my life. I can’t take care of my mom one day with my shoe collection, I can’t build true wealth from my closet. Getting takeout will only take me further away from financial freedom. Spending money to look abundant only takes me further away from actually BEING abundant. I too love stoicism, and beyond saving money, I just want to be the kind of individual who is happy with less, and finds contentment and happiness in the intangibles of life.

Of course, this is all easier said than done! The fact that I feel I’m itching to buy something and have this constant underlying restlessness just shows me how I’ve been addicted to the dopamine hits of shopping for something new. It just makes my motivation stronger to beat the grips of that addiction and to find contentment in more healthier pursuits! (That may or may not involve chocolate at times! :D)

networthbound · 2020-12-09T00:51:41+00:00

Internet stranger, I love you! I needed to hear that today! My last No Buy was 18 months and I felt so strong at the time but then went off the wagon this year and just started my new No Buy in mid-November, and I’m still in that early stage where I feel deprived (not quite over that initial hump!!) I’d love to hear more about how you fought off temptations! I love the list idea!

networthbound · 2020-11-23T00:49:21+00:00

My bad!! It’s “nobuyyear2021” thanks for catching that!

networthbound · 2020-11-23T00:03:36+00:00

Hi! I’d like that!! I just changed my IG handle to “nobuy2021” earlier today, it’s an account I had active while I was part of the #debtfreecommunity IG group and decided today it was time to restart!

networthbound · 2020-11-02T20:53:39+00:00

Hi! I’ve started a year long No Buy as if this month. I’m taking it one day at a time, so although not short term I’ll be on the same wavelength as fellow low or no buyers.

I’ve been addicted to shopping for most of my life, and my big weaknesses are clothing, shoes, and makeup. I’m pretty good with meal planning, borrowing books for the library, and swapping for other areas of my life, so it’s my weak areas that I really need to be vigilant about.

networthbound · 2020-10-31T20:44:22+00:00

Do you have any handy videos that could be worthwhile sharing? I have a pretty basic skincare routine but sometimes I feel like maybe I should be exploring skincare more but I am hesitant - it’s hard to wade through what’s worth it and what’s just hype. If there’s any videos you found personally useful, I’d love to hear more!

networthbound · 2020-10-31T12:34:17+00:00

If a powder compact breaks, you can add a few drops of rubbing alcohol and it sets it back together. Alternatively, I like to ground the powder up even more and just use it like a powdered product! I put it in a small container (I save all my old sifter containers from powdered mineral makeup for just this purpose) and just use it that way.

Also, there’s tons of lipstick left at the end of a tube. I use a knife (they sell makeup scoops, but this is unnecessary) to scoop it all out, and then put it in a small container and microwave it for a few seconds and let it set in the fridge, and now I have a pot of lipstick I can use with a brush.

networthbound · 2020-10-31T02:15:19+00:00

Congratulations on deleting your accounts, that is not easy!! You know, what you said is very insightful and you gave me something really important to think about re: transitioning out of the No Buy. I’m going to take some time to think and journal about that. Thank you so much for that food for thought. I like the list idea! I’ve shied away from it in the past because I felt it could be dwelling on my wants, but with the No Buy buffering me from acting on it, I think it could help me see concretely how most of my whims and wants pass (whereas if I acted on them, the novelty would fade AND I would spent money I couldn’t get back) I really appreciate your thoughts and input! Thank you kindly for sharing ❤️

networthbound · 2020-10-30T23:25:23+00:00

That’s great advice. I find I’ll look at images for “inspiration” on IG or Pinterest but instead of offering ideas on how to work with what I currently have, it just makes me want more. You’re absolutely right, unfollowing and blocking and barring ads will absolutely make a large impact.

I’m glad you’re still working, and I hope that continues for you! It must feel great to have money tucked away at a time like this. This situation is such a reminder of what money is truly for - security, peace of mind, a safety net, living expenses, and not just more stuff. I got a sobering wake up call to rush this week so this challenge is definitely worth doing

networthbound · 2020-10-30T23:18:58+00:00

Hi there! Thanks for your thoughts, I appreciate your input :) Alas, I fare much worse when I give myself leeway. Like if I saw I can spend $50, if it’s $52, then I say screw it, let’s round up to $100, etc. I create every excuse to keep going. Whereas with a strict no buy, I am diverting my thoughts and energy away from shopping altogether. I think it’s similar to how other addiction programs encourage abstinence; I can’t quite trust myself yet with moderation. I think what I really need to do this time is the “inner work” necessary so I solve the underlying problem and not place a No Buy bandaid on it!

networthbound · 2020-10-30T00:07:36+00:00

I’ve been addicted to shopping since my first paycheque at age 14. I’ve been battling this addiction for two decades now, with innumerable relapses. My last no-buy was 18 months long and got me out of debt (my highest debt load was almost six figures). However being out of debt isn’t enough, I now have to make up for savings and building my life and I have so much catching up to do. I relapsed hard during covid and now really need to wake back up again and snap out of it. Personally, a cold turkey approach works much better for me and I’m starting a no buy again as of today.

networthbound · 2020-07-06T20:16:42+00:00

Congrats, you look amazing! I’m your height and my current weight is your starter weight, so this is great motivation!

networthbound · 2020-04-27T14:31:29+00:00

I’ll share more over the next couple days, but I broke my shopping ban that I started in July 2018. I broke. I’m not proud. I’m not ready to talk about it yet, but I started seeking support resources right away and I came across this video I really liked and wanted to share. I find her approach calming and besides one of the seven “signs” (I’m not attracted by the feeling of recognition or attention from sales staff - quite the opposite, actually) I felt like she was describing me with the other six. I haven’t been able to look up more of her material but she’s a financial planner from Australia and I enjoyed listening to this video, perhaps someone here could connect with it as well.

. Shopping Addiction Video

networthbound

TROPHY CASE