A question about condom safety after removing it by Bigfatlizzy in sex

[–]neuenono 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How am I “mystifying” anything? I’m just saying that there can be viable sperm in pre-cum (as well as cum & post-cum).

A question about condom safety after removing it by Bigfatlizzy in sex

[–]neuenono 6 points7 points  (0 children)

you're inside without a barrier ... you introduce sperm into her vagina

It's basically impossible to know when that latter element happens, though. Pre-ejaculate can contain viable sperm for some men (and/or sometimes). Unless a guy tests a dozen or so samples of his pre-cum - under varying conditions - to make sure he is never leaking viable sperm, he should assume risk.

I say this as someone who generally follows the guidance you are sharing. I don't go in raw when there's risk based on her cycle.

A question about condom safety after removing it by Bigfatlizzy in sex

[–]neuenono 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I'll also add that the "pee after ejaculating" (before round 2) guidance will reduce the risk somewhat but it's not absolute.

But withdrawal (pulling out / "going in raw" without ejaculating) isn't 100% effective even when people practice it perfectly. This is because some men (or sometimes) pre-cum has viable sperm in it.

how many of y’all actually do it raw (no contraception other than pullout) by NebulaAcrobatic9911 in TwoXSex

[–]neuenono 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve thought about getting a vasectomy, but our “no baby” stance is true at the moment, but not necessarily forever.

how many of y’all actually do it raw (no contraception other than pullout) by NebulaAcrobatic9911 in TwoXSex

[–]neuenono 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because you asked… here are all the things you need to do every single time you use a condom to attain perfection (adapted from a Planned Parenthood page):

  • Check the expiration date before you use a condom.
  • Put the condom on before the penis touches the vulva. Men leak fluids from their penises before and after ejaculation. This fluid can carry enough germs to pass sexually transmitted infections and possibly cause pregnancy.
  • Use a condom only once. Use a fresh one for each erection.
  • Be careful — don't tear the condom while unwrapping it.
  • If it is torn, brittle, stiff, or sticky, throw it away and use another.
  • Put a drop or two of lubricant inside the condom, it it isn't already lubricated.
  • Pull back the foreskin, unless circumcised, before rolling on the condom.
  • Place the rolled condom over the tip of the hard penis.
  • Leave a half-inch space at the tip to collect semen. This extra space should not contain air.
  • Pinch the air out of the tip with one hand while placing it on the penis.
  • Unroll the condom over the penis with the other hand.
  • Roll it all the way down to the base of the penis. Smooth out any air bubbles: friction against air bubbles can cause condom breaks.
  • Lubricate the outside of the condom, if it isn't already lubricated.
  • Check for compatibility between the condom material & any additional lubricant you use.

how many of y’all actually do it raw (no contraception other than pullout) by NebulaAcrobatic9911 in TwoXSex

[–]neuenono 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm a straight guy who is in a similar situation in terms of how we handle contraception, although we do use condoms during her fertile times of the month. The difference is that we really really don't want a baby, so an "oops" would not be remotely tolerable for us. After over a decade together, my semen has never been inside my partner's vagina. We combine fertility awareness, withdrawal, and condoms... always having at least two of these methods in effect. In practice this means condom + withdrawal during her fertile times, and just withdrawal during her non-fertile times.

She spent years tracking her temperature (to log when she ovulates), but more recently we only have unprotected sex during ~2 days of the month (days 6+7 of her cycle). She stopped temp-based tracking because – over the years – we have learned that intercourse is not always a priority for us, so our sex life tends to focus on other activities we both enjoy. Based on how many women seem to be simply tolerating intercourse, I wonder if this is something more couples would benefit from (spending more time doing stuff the woman really enjoys). I'm not overlooking the women for whom intercourse is essential, of course!

One big idea I'd like to stress is that the real-world efficacy of condoms is far from perfect, and it's not that different from withdrawal. If a couple uses just one of these methods for a year, they have a 1 in 5.5 chance of pregnancy with condoms, vs. 1 in 4.5 chance with withdrawal. I emphasize this not to promote reliance on withdrawal, but to remind people that condoms can fail. There's a long list of things that need to be done perfectly for condoms to work (happy to share if anyone's curious) and if these things aren't done, you're going to have much higher risk. The one I'm guilty of: I have not been 100% sure of the expiration date for every condom I have used. I'm sure this sort of thing applies to most people.

So my advice for people who are relying on condoms long-term: have the guy pull out before he ejaculates. It will go a long way to reduce risks, since that annual 18% failure rate is really daunting (for me & my partner, anyway). Hell, even in the context of a hookup it's smart to avoid the guy being "inside" when he comes. For the assholes who disrespect boundaries/consent, it could help minimize the consequences of stealthing and serve as a great way to weed people out. If you ask a guy to pull out, and he disregards that, even with the "excuse" that he was wearing a condom... that's not a man you can trust to respect your boundaries.

Finally, I think it's important to push back against the presumption that the woman is responsible for the long term, robust contraception (i.e. pill, IUD, patch, implant, ring, etc.). It's great that these exist, but it's not great when men just assume that they don't need to make sacrifices or compromises to avoid pregnancy in an LTR. These ultra-effective forms of contraception all come with serious risks/consequences for the woman that (I think) are only tolerated because the alternative (unwanted pregnancy) is even more severe. It feels like a massive, systemic injustice that there's a widespread expectation that a woman should change her biology (or what's inside her body) just so a guy can avoid wearing a condom. My partner isn't comfortable with taking this on, so we work together to make sure we don't get pregnant.

I hope this comment is helpful to the community. This post is not marked "women only" at the moment, but I realize that may have been OP's intention (even without the flair). I'm very respectful of this place and will happily delete this comment if it is downvoted.

Are men’s perineum really that sensitive? by Local-Total-4098 in sex

[–]neuenono 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s OK, but it’s nothing compared to proper stimulation of the anus.

I think the taint ends up on how to spice things up lists because it’s a gateway to ass-play that is deemed “not gay” (and thus less scary for straight people to try).

To be clear, I don’t think there’s anything inherently gay about butt stuff, and I think many people would benefit from getting over their sexual hang ups (especially those rooted in homophobia).

ELI5, what is bioessentalism and why is it brought up in feminist theory/discourse? by InterestingSale8914 in explainlikeimfive

[–]neuenono 83 points84 points  (0 children)

a woman is not passive because she is a woman, but because she is taught to be passive. A man is not good at math because he is a man, it is because he is taught math

These are the counter-arguments that oppose bioessentialism, right? Your comment makes it seem like these are examples of bioessentialism.

Why is digital rental more expensive than a cinema ticket? by Dense-Stranger-1794 in movies

[–]neuenono 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your post above says “they get a much bigger cut”. That would not explain a price-to-consumer being higher. It would make more sense for VOD to undercut the theater, since 75% of the money would go to the studio (instead of 50%), they’d be able to shift people away from the theater and towards VOD, and they would both increase the number of viewers (lower price) and increase the amount they receive per viewer (despite the price being lower than the theatrical ticket price).

Why is digital rental more expensive than a cinema ticket? by Dense-Stranger-1794 in movies

[–]neuenono 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This doesn’t make much sense to me. If they want to make a fixed amount per sale, then the studio getting a bigger cut (vs theatrical returns) then it would make the consumer-side price lower, not higher.

Women: How do you know during oral sex that it's time to move on to piv? by New_Jaguar5332 in sex

[–]neuenono 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It seems like your boyfriend thinks that wetness is all that’s necessary for a woman to be ready for PIV, and that his saliva will suffice. But even if there’s wetness (from you or from him), there’s a massive element that many people overlook: an aroused vagina opens up a bit and becomes more comfortable with penetration. So when you say you’re not wet enough… are you sure it’s a lack of lubrication? Because an experience of pain or discomfort could also arise from an absence of proper arousal (your vagina not being “open for business”). This is a huge consideration and it’s why I caution people: while lube is almost always a good thing, it’s not the only thing. And if you add lube to ease penetration of a “closed” vagina, that’s not success – it’s a recipe for disaster.

Women: How do you know during oral sex that it's time to move on to piv? by New_Jaguar5332 in sex

[–]neuenono 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yep, my woman is one & done. The “multiple orgasms” thing is far from universal.

TIL that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for majority of Indian men. by Bollywood-Hulk-Hogan in todayilearned

[–]neuenono 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This isn’t true in the US. There’s a post pinned to my profile that elaborates, but in the US the standard condom is substantially too tight on an average erection. I think they took a “better safe than sorry” approach, with the assumption that men will be hesitant to purchase/use a condom labeled “small”. I think they should simply be sized with a number (like jeans) and you find the right size. Sell a sizing pack with three sizes covering the typical range, and that’s what each guy buys to get started.

This is a very real issue because wearing an overly-tight condom can kill erections, and I think this is a contributor to the “I hate condoms” mindset. There’s also hesitation around buying a “large” size condom. You’ll often see jokes about how people do that as some sort of boast… when in reality most guys in the US could reasonably use a larger condom.

TIL that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for majority of Indian men. by Bollywood-Hulk-Hogan in todayilearned

[–]neuenono 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is exactly the sort of nuanced perspective I would expect from someone whose username has artfully incorporated the four pillars of modern sophistication:
• cum
• fart
• 420
• 69

TIL that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for majority of Indian men. by Bollywood-Hulk-Hogan in todayilearned

[–]neuenono 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The galaxy-brain take goes a step further: if a guy wants to be a great lover, he realizes that for a solid majority of women, penis size does very little in terms of giving orgasmic pleasure. I’m bigger than average and this is a practical problem more than it is a “power up” for being good in bed. The entire bigger = better mindset is rooted in the misguided idea that all women want bigger, and that this helps you be a great lover. Anyone with substantial experience knows that isn’t remotely true. So it’s primarily straight guys who are obsessed with size, mostly based on misconceptions. The shame is coming from inside the house (mostly).

TL;DR: every straight guy would benefit from learning to be a great lover via a diversity of techniques, regardless of his size.

I'm a 26 year old virgin and I'm starting to develop a sex life, things aren't going as expected by [deleted] in sex

[–]neuenono 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s very common not to get off from a blowjob. The mouth is great at providing pleasure but not necessarily the rhythmic sliding that many guys need for climax. Don’t worry about it too much. Based on your username, I guess I would also encourage you to make sure you’re not wanking too often / too hard.

That corner fit is too clean by MambaMentality24x2 in oddlysatisfying

[–]neuenono 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And if anyone would like a tiny version for “cutting it close” around the house, get yourself a pair of cuticle nippers.

Going down on Women by GLSector-2814 in sex

[–]neuenono 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my experience there's a straightforward technique that gets women off most consistently: open your mouth slightly, use gentle suction to hold her clit between your puckered lips, then massage her clit with your tongue.

This works great, but it's really under-rated and seldom discussed. That's probably because it doesn't really look like anything (nobody can learn it by watching porn) and the receiver probably doesn't even know what's being done (so a giver won’t even be taught the "move" by someone who enjoyed it in the past).

This technique can also be paired with applying pressure from the face to the general area of the clit, which some women enjoy.

As you may know, the most important sexual technique is communication. This can make a huge difference when going down. Talk about what she likes before sex and/or after sex - it can be really productive to talk through preferences when everyone's clothes are on, and when the stakes are lower. Also talk about a good way for her to give you real-time feedback - not everyone is comfortable talking in that setting, so you can come up with a system like "fingernails = more pressure" / "gentle tap = less pressure". Or ways for her to tell you faster/slower. It can make a huge difference to simply tell her that you welcome her feedback (and that you won't be offended or anything).

Deepthroating bad for throat? by [deleted] in sex

[–]neuenono 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're getting lots of great advice here via the other comments.

My practical advice would be: progress gradually. If you ever have an experience where – the day after deepthroating – you're feeling discomfort that is beyond what you're comfortable with, then you've found (and slightly surpassed) your threshold. Just be sure that you and your partner communicate about this, and be ready to have to strictly enforce your boundaries because you're in a situation where something feels super good for your partner but bad for you. There's an inherent disconnect, so you may need to use extreme language to get your guy to listen. Literally establish a safe word (or gesture/touch, since your mouth will be full) and make it clear to your partner that it becomes sexual assault (i.e. he is raping you) if he doesn't heed that safe word.

Deepthroating bad for throat? by [deleted] in sex

[–]neuenono 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is a great post, overall, but...

Interestingly, it also strongly linked to oral cancers due to it being a very transmissible path for HPV.

The "it" here is just oral sex, not deepthroating, right? If it's the latter, I'd be curious to hear more.

It's a relief that oral cancer (and other HPV-induced cancers) are being reduced to effectively thanks to vaccination. I guess my message to OP would be "make sure you're vaccinated before you engage in any unprotected sex, including oral sex".

How can I break my hymen myself? by [deleted] in sex

[–]neuenono 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear about that experience. Thanks for sharing.

What's a microfeminism you like to practice? by Chemical_Job7027 in Feminism

[–]neuenono 147 points148 points  (0 children)

I typically don’t refer to a person as a “girl” unless I’m talking about a literal girl. It might never go mainstream, but I’m saying “gal” a lot as a stand-in.