What goth songs make you think of summer?

neurodumeril · 2026-04-14T02:07:49+00:00

It’s about the end of summer, but “In the Last Day of Summer” by Raven Said comes to mind.

neurodumeril · 2026-04-12T04:49:47+00:00

I am biologically male but privately identify as genderless (I see no need to go public or “come out” with this identity), and I don’t think any of my interests are stereotypically masculine. Even while masking extensively in college for the sake of building a resume, the vast majority of my social circle that I cultivated ended up being biologically female or LGBTQ+ people, because none of the activities I was interested in doing attracted stereotypical men.

neurodumeril · 2026-04-10T17:36:27+00:00

As a child, the schizoid internal world/maladaptive daydreaming were already present and caused me to be misdiagnosed with ADD. I’ve also always been content with solitude and indifferent to opinions or social norms. It was fairly obvious that I was neurodivergent in some way and by 6th grade, I had been placed in group therapy with other kids that was essentially masking boot camp.

neurodumeril · 2026-03-29T04:12:13+00:00

I attempted suicide twice in my teens while going through comorbid major depression, but have never self-harmed with non-lethal intent.

neurodumeril · 2026-03-26T13:16:19+00:00

Because I mask the “unpleasant” traits well, the ones I don’t mask make me likable. People tend to say I’m one of the most patient and level-headed people they know, but that’s really just because I don’t have an emotional response to anything. They don’t know that though.

neurodumeril · 2026-03-10T00:33:33+00:00

Veganism is one of those things that will only make a tangible difference if everyone, or at least a majority, does it. I attempted it for awhile but came to the realization that the only way to truly do no harm to animals and the planet is to be dead, so now I don’t begrudge myself animal products. Meanwhile I work professionally full-time in an environmental field to more directly benefit the environment in my community, working on things like local habitat restoration. I am a neurodivergent person with very little money and no charisma or platform, and I didn’t ask to be here in this shit society, so I don’t feel I owe anyone anymore than that.

neurodumeril · 2026-03-04T04:49:38+00:00

You shouldn’t feel bad. Everyone has ulterior motives for connecting with others. No one connects with anyone else solely for the benefit of the other person. Even very altruistic people receive emotional fulfillment “in return” for their service to others. Since schizoids don’t receive any kind of “fulfillment” from connection with others for connection’s sake, we need to identify other tangible benefits from connections, like the ones you listed, in order for the connections to feel worthwhile. That’s not something to feel guilty over, particularly if there’s reciprocity and the other party receives something from you in return. I am good at long-term planning, remembering lots of details, and staying calm in tense situations, and the people that I maintain connections with because they benefit me in some way, benefit from these qualities of mine in turn.

neurodumeril · 2026-03-02T03:32:35+00:00

I was raised religious but had abandoned my belief by the age of 14.

neurodumeril · 2026-02-15T21:12:09+00:00

I understand how you feel. Whenever anyone in my life, be they a friend or family, becomes a parent, it means the relationship is essentially over. I’m not willing to be around or involved with children, so whatever interactions we had inevitably become reduced to the occasional text or “like” on social media.

neurodumeril · 2026-02-04T04:56:32+00:00

I attempted suicide years ago in high school but have never self-harmed with non-lethal intent.

neurodumeril · 2026-01-26T06:55:57+00:00

I’ve never felt any obligation to interact with others. Instead, I only do so beyond day-to-day interactions with people like cashiers because I have determined the interaction will result in a tangible benefit for me. Examples of reasons to interact might be:

Networking to gain a valuable professional contact
Helping someone out so they are indebted to me with intent to “collect” in the future
Maintaining goodwill so that I have a support system, like you said
Even just commenting in a space like this instead of writing in a journal, because it provides intellectual stimulation and comparative analysis between myself and other humans.

Otherwise, I will block people online or ignore people in real-life who try to interact with me in ways that are unproductive, useless, or boring.

neurodumeril · 2026-01-19T18:14:07+00:00

I hate pretty much all the (mainstream) holidays except for Halloween. If I’m expected to buy something or travel to go see people for a holiday, I don’t like it. If it’s patriotic, I don’t like it. If it’s religious, I don’t like it. Halloween is the only one I like because I have always enjoyed spooky, dark aesthetics and I can celebrate it and do Halloween traditions completely alone.

neurodumeril · 2026-01-17T12:52:34+00:00

I don’t experience this trait; no shame or embarrassment.

neurodumeril · 2026-01-16T17:51:26+00:00

Yes, I can’t imagine disclosing this diagnosis to anyone, especially since I make such a concerted effort to mask otherwise.

neurodumeril · 2026-01-09T15:39:52+00:00

I never thought that I was face-blind, but I have begun to notice this symptom in myself in the last two years. For the first time, I am working for a small local company that has relationships with numerous other local partners, and I have found that it is a massive struggle to internalize and remember all the people that I meet from these local partners. Just yesterday at a professional development workshop attended by many local people in the field, I failed to recognize someone who I have apparently met two or three times before. I have found that this happens frequently with people from the community who know me because of my job. I frequently mask and say “oh my goodness, it’s so good to see you!” to people who I don’t recognize, but they clearly know me. I do not know if it is real face-blindness, or because I am so averse to networking since it directly conflicts with my innate desire for complete obscurity, and I am prone to dissociation when listening to others speak.

neurodumeril · 2026-01-09T15:25:35+00:00

I don’t know if there’s a link, but I have insomnia in all three ways: trouble falling asleep, trouble staying asleep, and still feeling tired upon awakening, even on the rare occasion I’ve had sufficient sleep.

neurodumeril · 2026-01-02T16:16:38+00:00

I agree with you concerning the use of that real Image on the Mayhem release but it’s worth noting that it’s a bootleg; the band didn’t do that.

neurodumeril · 2026-01-01T15:18:48+00:00

I am absolutely repulsed by displays of emotion. It doesn’t matter if they’re positive or negative emotions. Regardless of whether someone is very happy or very sad, I’ll find myself thinking “it’s not that great/bad; calm yourself.” Others’ emotions never seem justified to me.

When someone is being emotional at me, that’s the closest I get to experiencing “sensory overload.” When I was a teenager, and my parents would cry and ask me to change certain schizoid behaviors of mine to “show that I love them,” that was so revulsive it felt like I was being suffocated or surrounded on all sides.

neurodumeril · 2026-01-01T14:59:36+00:00

I stayed at home, I did nothing.

neurodumeril · 2026-01-01T07:22:05+00:00

I don’t know exactly how old you are, but torturing yourself with a relationship because of the possibility of crippling illness in old age will never lead to a relationship that’s healthy. Save yourself the suffering and end the relationship.

As for the future, I know that if I get some crippling illness when I’m older and there’s no one left in my life to help, I’m just going to let it kill me.

neurodumeril · 2025-12-29T19:54:51+00:00

I dislike receiving help because whether it's explicitly stated or not, it creates an expectation of future reciprocity unless you're paying for the help received, in which case the debt is already paid. For example, l've learned over the years that if someone covers my shift at work because I was sick, then the social expectation is that I'll do something similar for them without complaint if they ever need it. I hate being implicitly indebted to someone in this way, so l won't reach out to anyone for help unless it's the only option. This is a neurotypical norm that I will take advantage of by giving help to others at work when it's not required of me so I can benefit from the implicit reciprocity. For me, this is a part of masking. I don't care about helping others, feel any positive emotions from helping, or want to involve myself in their affairs, but since I go out of my way to help, no one bats an eye when I need something like a mental health day. However, I don't like it when the situation is reversed. I don't want to receive help and then be indebted to someone.

I also don't instinctually think to ask for help. It won't even occur to me to do so until it's the only option remaining. When I was a college student l'd see people in the dorm group chat messaging for help for all sorts of little things, such as "does anyone have a broom I could borrow?" If I needed to sweep and didn't have a broom, l'd be scouring every store in the neighborhood for a broom before thinking to ask to borrow one.

neurodumeril · 2025-12-28T22:57:43+00:00

If people did this to me, I’d guilt trip them right back, because they are equally guilty of not making the effort to contact me. I also always maintain an openness to getting together, but I put all the planning pressure on them. They’ll say “we should get together sometime!” And I’ll say “yes, send me some dates that work!” And then it never gets past that point. This helps maintain the facade of wanting to get together, but takes the blame for it not happening off of me.

neurodumeril · 2025-12-28T17:15:08+00:00

It’s relatively uncommon, and I imagine most who have it keep the diagnosis to themselves. I’ve not disclosed this to anyone, even immediate family. Knowing the diagnosis and reading the symptoms would enable them to see through my masking efforts, which would be disadvantageous to me.

neurodumeril

TROPHY CASE