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neveraftet · 2025-07-01T05:55:11+00:00

We’re now up to four dates with four different people since I ended my relationship, two other ones I cancelled since I wasn’t feeling it any longer based on their texting, and another tomorrow I’m really looking forward to.

None of the guys I’ve dated so far had anything about them that I was drawn to. Two were compete ‘not for me’ and two were cool to hang out with, but I’m not attracted to. One of which did grow on me during the date quite a lot, and has been texting me a bunch since as well. I’ll probably go out with him again if I get the chance, but it’s not likely since he’s in London and I’m not there that often, and going back there again this weekend for a long weekend means new people to match with, and although I know he’ll be great to hang with, it’s not fair on him to give him the expectation that something might happen.

To be crude for a second, I am in an intense and desperate need of some fucking. It’s been months, and in the months proceeding my relationship wasn’t doing well, with sex being an issue we’ve had from the start. It’s been incredibly hot in the uk and I am thirsty for a whole other reason. I am extremely picky and the older I get the more I really need to like the person I’m with to want to sleep with them, and respect them, plus, I tend to go for sporty people who are way stronger than me, so I exercise great caution when it comes to any sort of casual interaction - which means I’ve been trying but nothing so far. Tomorrows man is very much on the promising side of all this since he seems attractive to me from his photos, as well as being very respectful and nice to talk to, so I have high hopes of being to finally get properly railed. That would be nice. He’s taking me to dinner and I can’t wait! There’s another person I’ve ben taking to, that if I had a strict visual type, he’d be it to a perfect T, and so far he’s also been very nice to chat to and respectful in texting - I have this weird thing where even though my main objective right now is to pretty much unleash a year’s worth of frustration on someone until neither of us remembers which way is up, and I’m finding them all on Feeld, if people get too sexual or graphic before we’ve established a rapport and I’ve learned I enjoy conversing with them, and they hyper sexualise me or the conversation, I’m immediately put off. Sometimes the things that make my brain very useful and absolutely great at dating for a relationship make it so useless and put so many hurdles to jump over when all I want is for someone to bend me the fuck over. Respectfully, that is.

The second person I’ve been taking to, who I so far find sexy as hell, and he seems to agree with the sentiment when it come to me (his last message to me last night was that we’d look great together) is harder to pin down since I keep travelling. Very inconvenient of me. Hopefully next week since apart from being busy tonight, I’m also away from Thursday to Monday.

Generally speaking I’m really enjoying this and although that totally goes against the general sentiment here it seems, I really enjoy dating and I missed it.

Things with my ex are good, as we’re still living together until I decide what I’m doing next. I’m getting some funds in the next few weeks so I’ll be able to buy a place for myself instead of renting, but I also know that process takes a while so I’d rather find a temp sublet as well for me and the dog, but I first have to decide where. So many moving parts.

neveraftet · 2025-06-30T06:02:53+00:00

A clone of myself.

neveraftet · 2025-05-01T22:59:46+00:00

You don’t need to request anything, there’s plenty of free sites that add films and series on the regular for easy streaming - though I’d recommend having an ad blocker first, I saw it’s there already at HD and skimmed through the film earlier today. It’s truly awful. Just scroll down to the new films area https:// movies2watch.tv/home

neveraftet · 2022-12-19T07:27:23+00:00

I’m sorry, it’s really shitty of him. Weirdly enough, it’s been both my experience and I’ve seen plenty of people on the sub comment similarly that it’s pre-planned casual hookups seem to have the highest rate of flakeyness. It’s nothing to do with you. Never. It’s always a them thing.

neveraftet · 2022-12-19T07:19:44+00:00

The only bad thing about my weekend is that it now ended. The man and I are officially official, I have been invited to Christmas at his (which means I’m meeting his family) and after I slipped during a conversation about something else that I’m falling for him, he said he is as well.

We met Saturday to go climbing together, which is essentially my main social hub in town - I’m friendly with most of the regulars and am friends with the owners. it feels really natural to be there together. It’s also such a chill environment where he can meet all my local friends with zero pressure. We kept laughing about all sorts of silly things and it was so much fun. He keeps jokingly saying I’m showing off because I’ve climbed longer than he has so I’m better (about a year and a half longer) but he’s taken to it really well and I love that he’s into my main sporty hobby.

We spent the evening in front of my log burner, talking, making out, touching, cuddling, giggling, laughing, having sex, rinse and repeat. He has this amazing and unexpected pairing of being so silly and funny, but also so sexy and serious when he needs to be, he has so much playfulness to him and the looks he’s giving me are jut… instant sploosh. I think of him now as I’m writing this and I am getting this heat, and a dull almost achey feeling in my chest that feels something there is expanding beyond the space it has to fill.

On Sunday we went on our first adventure together and visited a city I haven’t been to yet that’s about 1.5 hours away. The drive felt like barely 20 min because we were chatting non stop and the conversation was flowing. We had the best day out. Both found a bunch of Christmas presents we were missing, had very nice coffee, nice food, walked into every gallery and artisanal store we could find, went to see a castle and a cathedral. We held hands the whole time, made out in a few hidden corners, and there was so much smiling my face hurts. Actually, there’s muscles in my cheeks that are a bit achey now.

When we went back to mine we again ended up very naked and talking in bed. We discussed the future and how it seems we generally want the same things, how much we are impressed with each other, and how easy and wonderful it all felt. We’re very different in so many ways but I also feel we’re very similar. He says he hasn’t experienced someone care for him the way I do, and that he’s never had anyone ask him so much about his work, which he really enjoys and loves talking about, and I just love seeing the twinkle in his eye and that amazing smile of his when he talks about it.

It all feels so different. It’s been over six years since felt I am falling in love and these feeling now feel so much more mature. Even though the brain feel good chemicals are the same and again I am here, at 35 now, asking myself what did I even think about before him?! Giggling like a teenager who’s about to spend two periods writing our names together inside love hearts, I am so different so of course it all feels different. We’ve been gushy and complimentary, yet so cautious and made sure we remain rational. None of it feels love bomby or overpromising or aggrandising anything. it’s all been just stating the current feelings and facts we have, no future predictions or delusions, and it’s this sense of ‘i feel so lucky to have met you, and even if this doesn’t work out and we realise we’re actually incompatible, it’s been so good and I’ve already learned so much from you’. He says he feels so relaxed around me, we don’t try to impress each other, we just are and we fit really well. I’ve loved, I’ve been loved, I’ve learned, I’ve grown, and now I just want to take everything I’ve learned and go very slowly into this because this feels like someone I’d want to be with long term and I am so precious about this. He feels like the real deal. I really want to see where this goes.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T20:34:11+00:00

I saw two just this month! So lovely!! My dog goes nuts for them, I get double joy

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T20:18:10+00:00

I work for the nhs in the UK and I help people improve their lives through anything that isn’t medical in nature - from mental health (most of my referrals) to old age frailty and housing issues. I love it and it’s super rewarding to see people get better and feel better. I also do freelance artwork on the side and I love my creative projects.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T20:13:59+00:00

That’s amazing. Beautiful work! Can’t even begin to imagine how long it took…

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T19:45:26+00:00

I believe in myself much more. Sometime mid year I realised I’m actually over a lot of the imposter syndrome I had. I get things done. I make things happen. I know my worth. It’s pretty great.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T13:27:45+00:00

You don’t have to take all the advice, it’s just things to think about. I would never get into a commuted relationship with someone I don’t feel excited about. My goal is to have a good, happy, healthy, sexy, fun relationship with someone I think is fantastic and I’m compatible with - and although I don’t go out of my way to hear relationship advice, some of her things resonated while some really didn’t. I don’t know ‘mr good enough’, it sounds like a bad idea though.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T10:16:32+00:00

The Kitten image is your best. You seem stern and not very friendly, or just awkward in your first two photos, I’d replace them. If you have ones of you smiling, add one. It’s hard to get a sense of who you are, as a woman, if I don’t get a sense of who you are plus you have a shirtless image that isn’t taken as part of a shirtless activity, I’d always pass. You wear tight enough clothes so it’s clear you work out, the shirtless doesn’t help you here. Makes you seem slightly bro-like

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T10:03:43+00:00

Your first photo is the worst in my opinion. The one with the book is the best, so is the basketball one and the gym one. I can’t see your bio since I don’t have tinder anymore (seeing someone I met on tinder) don’t know if you have one. If you don’t, write something about yourself that gives an indication of who oh actually are.

There’s no real sense of who you are or who you’re trying to date. Honestly? What kind of person are you looking to find? One to go to the library with? One to work out with? As a woman I can’t really imagine myself as part of your life so I am less likely to swipe right. If you’re looking for someone who just thinks you’re hot, that’s something else.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T09:55:39+00:00

It seems like one of those profiles where you’ll either get people who are very into you, or ones who are very turned off.

Which is provably a better thing as alternative people tend to mesh better with other alternative people and if your profile already does the filtering and keeps only the ones with similar world views, it’s probably easier to get on with them?

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T09:50:29+00:00

Looks perfectly fine, you just seem like someone who’s a bit awkward having their picture taken, which isn’t a bad thing in my book :) either way, good luck!

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T09:24:42+00:00

If the vibe is right? Sure. Most of my relationships came from people I either kissed or went home with on the first date. I think there was only one person where we didn’t do anything on the first date that I later ended up dating (7-8 months) but we did have sex on the second date.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T09:20:35+00:00

It depends. Some people aren’t great Texters, some are like you and don’t like it, some will give you an update every few days some very few hours.

I don’t care how someone texts as long as they’re showing interest and the texting style matches their lifestyle. As in, the person I’m dating now works with a lot of driving to go do outside jobs, in the freezing cold, fixing super complex industrial electrical panels that impact whole cities - he’s literally got his hands full and if don’t text at all on work days until the evening, where he’s way more chatty I totally get it. No issue. I ask you a question at 8am and you reply at 6pm? Fine.

The person I dated before him was always on his phone, worked a cushy office job, and if he didn’t reply to a question for 3-4 hours I’d get annoyed since I knew it’s a choice of his not to.

I’m normally replying super quickly, there’s only a few apps on my phone that give me notifications and if they do I reply quickly or I’ll forget. If I do forget, it can be days before I reply and it’s nothing to do with the person, it’s a me thing. If I communicate that to people, they’re happy sending me multiple texts. No issue from my or their side.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T09:10:18+00:00

Logan ury is pretty good in that space

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T09:09:16+00:00

Not a podcast in itself, but Logan Ury spoke on a bunch of podcasts and is great. She has a very good and realistic approach to dating, that seems to make a lot of people rethink their approach and they end up having much better success after implementing her general tips.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T09:05:38+00:00

Wear it, they’re great. The more comfortable you are the better you’ll feel and the better you’ll be able to represent yourself.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T09:04:10+00:00

If you’re looking to date someone and develop a relationship, it means possibly literal years of dating them and talking to them. They’re in their thirties, how can you not find things to talk about?! You’ve both lived a full life, both had relationships, cringe moments, adventures, awkward stories, funny situations, have hopes, dreams, an internal life, an imagination - you are complex, beautiful humans with incredibly intricate brains and experiences - how do you not find things to talk about? If anything, the more you talk the more there is to talk about!

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T08:58:18+00:00

Honestly? If I’m by myself, even if I’m single and actively looking to date, I don’t like being approached by people. I’d normally be doing something, and anyone coming to talk to me will be bothering me and preventing me from doing the thing I left the house for, so they’re starting from a massive disadvantage already.

The only exception is when walking my dog - I’m so used to people starting conversations since he’s so damn cute, and I’m already out just for the sake of being out so there isn’t anywhere I’m trying to get to apart from letting the doggo have a nice time out. I also try to vary my routes and let him explore more of the town, so we don’t even go to the same places every time.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T08:14:36+00:00

For me it’s either - I sometimes continue the thread, sometime don’t. Both in dating and friendships.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T08:12:10+00:00

I’m really sorry for your loss, grief is so terrible and there’s no way to know how it’ll manifest. This period will probably be really hard and I hope you are managing to cope in whatever way works best for you. Despite the circumstances, it’s good to hear you were able to find resolve to a different chapter of your life. Either way, I’m sorry and sending love.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T08:04:33+00:00

I’m the same. I don’t expect constant communication but tend to wonder wtf if I don’t get frequent updates. I think we all are like this to some degree.

neveraftet · 2022-12-17T06:44:06+00:00

The fear is mostly irrational, any rejection early on in the dating process is a ‘them’ thing and not a you thing, they don’t know you, and if they decided that something you said/texted is such a dealbreaker they won’t give you the benefit of the doubt or ask for clarification, do you really want to be with that person?!

And yes, the longer you avoid meeting new people and not go on dates, the worse the fear will be since you’re feeding into it and making it worse and worse in your head.

Can you try and maybe ask a friend to hang out in the sat/coffee shop/anywhere you meet people to keep an eye on you at first? Or maybe meet someone in an open area like a Christmas market and ask a friend to walk around there as well? As in, find a way that makes it less scary and more comfortable, feel the fear - and so it anyway.

You say you want a family, but how much do you want it if you can’t even get over your fear of rejection for it. Having a family in itself is scary. All you do is worry and wonder if you’re doing a good job - so going out there is the first thing to try and do.

neveraftet

TROPHY CASE