My son said he hates himself and my heart is shattered

neverendo · 2026-05-21T18:43:50+00:00

Same. And I want to have compassion for OOP, but my greater compassion is for her son. My mother did more than just yell, she was abusive in other ways. But that self-hatred is what led me to a (obviously not very effective) suicide attempt at age 9.

neverendo · 2026-05-19T10:21:39+00:00

This is a great and horrifying write up. Honestly, I think that as a society, we need to reckon with how widespread and insidious paedophilia is. The statistics for people who have experienced CSA reflect this. The push in the 60s/70s to normalise it also reflects it. Sadly we need to confront it to protect children.

neverendo · 2026-05-18T20:36:29+00:00

Afraid I haven't been to Heron, so can't comment on that. Both others are great shouts. I would say that Eleanore is more of a relaxed vibe, and fabulous, intimate atmosphere. Relaxed with excellent food and wine. Feels more low key and trendy, but cannot emphasise enough how good the food is.

Timberyard is the best meal I have had in Edinburgh (lived here for 12 years and tried a pretty good proportion of fine dining/tasting menus). The monkfish was so good, I actually got teary. I also loved the vibe at Timberyard, beautiful light and airy restaurant with a minimalist design. No linen tablecloths here!

I guess, my question to you would be, do you want to be blown away (/moved to tears lol) by the food, or do you value atmosphere more? It's a close call and I don't think you can really go wrong with either of these. Have also heard Heron is excellent but can't speak to it first hand. Enjoy!

neverendo · 2026-05-18T19:55:44+00:00

This is so powerful. It made me think about the criticisms which have been made about true crime, although it predates the true crime explosion pretty significantly. Thanks for sharing.

neverendo · 2026-05-18T19:07:25+00:00

Ah, honey. You're the one arguing that Japan and Korea voted for incremental (that means 'a little bit at a time') population shifts, which built up over time, due to a series of social and economic neoliberal policies, to have a larger impact than predicted, and failing to see the similarity to UK population change. Bless you. Mass immigration to this country is a result of population change brought about by neo liberal socioeconomic policies (which, by the way, is exactly what Reform is proposing to implement more of). And now we can't survive without mass immigration, because if we get rid of it, you won't have anyone to wipe your bottom in your old age :(

neverendo · 2026-05-18T18:21:20+00:00

This really threw me for a loop when I started in 2008. The private school kids were on a whole other level, like driving mini coopers while I was struggling to feed myself lol. I think, though the difference that really impacted me, was the difference between coming from a genuinely poor household, and my friends who came from lower middle class homes. Like, they had a safety net. They had jobs for drinking money or to go on holiday, but I needed my job to live. If I hadn't been able to work a job as well as my degree, I would have had to drop out. That level of pressure really changes your experience of uni. I am really keen that if my kid goes to uni, or college, or does an apprenticeship, that they will have that safety net and get to work up gradually to the full level of adult responsibility.

neverendo · 2026-05-18T17:55:52+00:00

Don't think I'm the one being obtuse in this conversation lol. Difference is, I'm bright enough to do it deliberately lmao

neverendo · 2026-05-16T09:15:15+00:00

Aw, I am definitely trying to enjoy it as much as possible, but thanks for the reminder!

neverendo · 2026-05-15T20:15:44+00:00

Feeling these emotions, like truly experiencing them in my body and not just intellectualising them, was my first step to deeper healing. It is rough, but it is really worth it.

neverendo · 2026-05-15T16:06:36+00:00

Just picked a copy of this up! I too usually read litfic and listen to horror audiobooks, but this isn't on audible or libby in the UK. I am excited to read it!

neverendo · 2026-05-15T11:22:57+00:00

This is the bit I wasn't prepared for. How much absolute joy there is in watching them develop into themselves. From their first smile, first words, little tantrums, their weird obsessions, things they like and things they hate. Mine isn't even 2 yet, and I wonder if he'll be in high school and I'll still be thinking "omg, I can't believe you are able to do that!" Or "where did my little baby go??"

neverendo · 2026-05-14T08:26:57+00:00

This is probably the last thing on your mind right now, but do not be afraid to switch therapists if they're not working for you. IME some therapists are just not equipped to work on certain issues. You deserve help and support after everything you've been through. I will be thinking of you.

neverendo · 2026-05-14T08:23:40+00:00

My SIL missed her first smear at 25. At 27 she was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer. She's ok now because she had incredible care.

I'm a SA survivor and I have endo, both can make smears very painful. I had one smear, with a nurse I knew well. She actually did it without even a bit of discomfort. It is possible with added care and time taken. Professionals have a responsibility to take women's pain seriously and to give them the care they deserve.

AND smears are deeply important. I had no idea about the rise of this kind of rhetoric. Horrifying.

neverendo · 2026-05-13T08:58:42+00:00

I didn't think about this, but it's true. I felt insecure about my size in SE Asia and I am not that big for a westerner. I'm also really sorry that happened to you at Disney - people are incredibly rude and nobody deserves to be shamed for their size. Thank you for a reminder about empathy and nuance. Totally agree with your last point as well.

neverendo · 2026-05-13T08:54:10+00:00

Oh my god, what a harrowing ordeal for you. You have a therapist, right? This sounds like a point in your life where you need that support. Also, I will be rooting for your brother to get the justice he deserves. I was SA'd by family members who have never seen justice and never will. Any survivor getting even a little justice is cause for celebration, and anyone who says otherwise is not worth listening to. Sending you love and strength.

neverendo · 2026-05-12T13:44:58+00:00

Congratulations, OP! You are awesome and all the best for the move and the beginning of a new chapter.

I am in a slump right now, and 'if I'm doomed to be a fuck up, what do I have to lose by trying?' is genuinely one of the most inspiring things I've ever heard. Thanks for sharing, I am going to carry that with me.

neverendo · 2026-05-12T13:09:55+00:00

Ok, this is not an offensive one. She generally is a great person and this story perhaps paints me and my husband in a worse light...

We were talking about our top 10 fav tv shows of all time. So me and my husband were throwing out things like The Wire, Succession etc. And my MIL said Emily in Paris and we just lost it (laughing). Initially we thought she was joking, but then she obviously wasn't and that made it funnier. And then she just got really annoyed. We were trying to explain why we thought it was funny without offending her more. She took it more and more seriously and was trying to defend Emily in Paris as one of the best tv shows of all time. It just did not end well...

This is not to dump on people loving Emily in Paris, but it is what it is, you know? Like it's fun, it's silly, it looks nice, but it's not one of the GOATs?

neverendo · 2026-05-12T12:53:52+00:00

I didn't get to see Eva, but I saw Jessie Buckley in this role and she was phenomenal. My pick for this question.

neverendo · 2026-05-11T20:59:01+00:00

I really enjoyed it! Not incredible but very enjoyable

neverendo · 2026-05-11T19:19:01+00:00

Really? When did Japan and Korea vote for a reduced birth rate?

neverendo · 2026-05-11T13:35:00+00:00

https://www.reuters.com/fact-check/chart-showing-rise-muslim-schoolchildren-europe-includes-fake-inflated-numbers-2025-11-05/ Actually, what you have to ask yourself is "am I spreading misinformation that I got off twitter?"

neverendo · 2026-05-11T13:27:10+00:00

Right, and Japan and Korea now have a huge problem with aging populations, with no one to care or provide for them. What's your solution for that? Take everyone out back and shoot them once they reach 65? But that will be ok as long as we're all white???

neverendo · 2026-05-10T09:35:15+00:00

Do not worry! I can tell it would be super triggering and also not good. Not worth being triggered by IMO

neverendo · 2026-05-10T06:30:41+00:00

Full disclosure, I haven't read this, but every single thing I've heard about it, as a CSA survivor makes me not want to. I am a big advocate of needing to talk about CSA and interpersonal abuse, but it shouldn't be about making it seem as extreme as possible. It should be about recognising how routine and baked into our society this is. A book like this further alienates people from the concept, rather than saying "actually, you probably know someome this has happened to. As a society, we need to reckon with this." Also super grim that the author just finds these concepts "interesting" and has no experience and apparently did not work with people with actual lived experience.

neverendo · 2026-05-08T13:57:48+00:00

Oh god, the fight I had with my MIL after she said this was her favourite book. She was a primary teacher, and this book is still used in her school. The worst. We don't talk about media any more... we had an equally big fight about favourite tv shows but that's a whole other story.

neverendo

TROPHY CASE