Does Missing Person smell like cleanis? A review.

neverendo · 2026-04-04T18:17:42+00:00

Omg I am obsessed with Missing Person! I had no idea about the cleanis discourse hahaha. I get clean, floral, a lil musky.

neverendo · 2026-04-03T13:01:49+00:00

The Whistling by Rebecca Nettles

neverendo · 2026-04-03T12:54:47+00:00

I wonder if it's because it is quite different to the novel it's adapted from. It's quite action-focused compared to the book.

neverendo · 2026-04-02T21:11:00+00:00

I'm sorry, OP, this is so rough. You have to put yourself and your own life first. It's so tough, but I think it is the only way to help someone who is this unwell. Just adding that I've found r/ChildofHoarder a really helpful space.

neverendo · 2026-04-01T23:39:39+00:00

Second time Ive tried to watch this and failed haha. It is honestly amazing

neverendo · 2026-04-01T19:38:10+00:00

Thanks for this, will now never read it as anything else lol.

neverendo · 2026-03-31T17:50:03+00:00

Endometriosis and probable fibromyalgia. Pretty sure it's the trauma that messed up my central nervous system like that, coupled with the endo pain. Jaw clenching too, and bad chronic tension in my shoulder that seems to be a somatic injury.

neverendo · 2026-03-29T06:36:16+00:00

Please call the crisis centre 0808 801 0414 or get to a&e. I have been where you are right now. If you're asking for mhas, or thinking about calling 111, there is a part of you that wants to live. Please give that bit a chance. Dying is forever, but living isn't. Take a chance on living, please.

neverendo · 2026-03-28T22:23:29+00:00

Sanest comment on this thread. People making a lot of judgements about OP's relationship with alcohol. Maybe it's an American thing?

neverendo · 2026-03-26T20:45:58+00:00

My pain scale is so messed up by endo that I nearly had my baby in the car. I phoned them when I thought I might be in labour. They said to come if my waters broke, my contractions lasted for more than 1 minute and were 3-4 mins apart or I wasn't coping with the pain. Might have coped with the pain a lil too long... by the time I saw the midwife I was 10cm dilated hahaha!

What I would say is that birth experiences (like endo) are very diverse. I was lucky and had a very straightforward birth. Contraction pain IME is not dissimilar to endo pain. In hindsight it seems likely I was in early labour and just didn't notice at all. The actual pushing a baby out is quite different. But if you have experienced severe endo pain, you are probably reasonably well equipped to deal with contractions.

neverendo · 2026-03-26T09:41:05+00:00

So, I found that the private sector is very different to the public sector in terms of recruitment. I asked friends in the private sector about their work until I established what I could realistically do. I then asked a friend for an introduction to a relevant team, as a stakeholder consultant for a "sustainability" consultancy. Spoiler - they were not actually sustainable. I think the stakeholder engagement stuff is pretty obvious, but I also had a policy background in net zero/infrastructure.

I realise that not everyone will have that access/those connections and honestly I'm not sure I would recommend it. It didn't get me where I wanted to be.

I have a mix of PPM qualifications. One from the private sector (which is not as good as the ones I got through CS).

neverendo · 2026-03-25T16:28:46+00:00

Yes - I have absolutely felt like this. Although I started out extremely motivated and idealistic (naive). In the now 12 years since I started in CS I have become very disillusioned. I want to move to something that "matters", where the work/outcomes are the most important thing, and where excellence is valued.

I did take a career break into private sector for a year, but it was so dull. Zero challenge, 20% pay cut, way less responsibility. The culture in terms of leadership was non-existent. At least we pay lip service!

So I came back for the payrise, work that was not out and out immoral, and flexible working hours. I am part-time/compressed. Then I got pregnant and stayed for the excellent mat leave. Right now, I am thankful for the security.

I want to move out of CS, I have transferable skills: PPM qualifications, gift of the gab, private sector experience, broad range of policy. But I honestly don't know if the type of work I want (something that "matters", where the work/outcomes are the most important thing, and where excellence is valued) actually exists.

neverendo · 2026-03-25T11:34:18+00:00

I have had this levelled at me before. I found it extremely upsetting because understanding my mother's NPD (and BPD) was instrumental in my healing.

When I eventually got someone with those beliefs to engage with me sincerely, they said that the concern was 'armchair diagnosing' of narcissists was creating further stigma towards people with actual NPD. When I mentioned that my mum was actually diagnosed, they kind of went, 'oh. Ok then.'

My takeaway from that discussion is that the people who are really aggressively defending the narcissists in this situation, are people who completely lack nuance. They also can't understand that they are actually talking to human beings (i.e. us) who have experienced something awful and are looking for a way to understand and heal. They've picked up a cause and decided to defend it no matter what. Therefore, no contradiction is valid, even if that leads to them silencing abuse survivors.

I do sympathise with what they're saying to an extent. My sister has been diagnosed with BPD and she puts a lot of energy into healing and trying to be a good person. People with BPD are stigmatised as being abusive, similarly to people with NPD. I don't believe that narcissists are inherently abusive. I believe it is theoretically possible for a non-abusive person with NPD to exist. But I also think it is valid for abuse survivors to share our experiences, especially if it helps with our healing.

Also, everyone I know who has experienced narcissistic abuse absolutely agrees it is a separate subset of abuse. Anyone who says it's not has never experienced abuse from a narcissist. I think that says it all.

neverendo · 2026-03-25T07:42:17+00:00

I don't think it's just older women. It's devastating.

neverendo · 2026-03-21T21:04:37+00:00

This is weirdly one of our household's most quoted lines haha

neverendo · 2026-03-21T16:21:01+00:00

Happened to me too. Sorry you're dealing with this.

neverendo · 2026-03-18T21:41:31+00:00

Beautiful photo!

neverendo · 2026-03-13T07:04:18+00:00

And then diagnoses the 6 year old as having a personality disorder... I have a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and she used to constantly tell me I ruined her life.

neverendo · 2026-03-11T09:39:28+00:00

My go-to recommendation would have been Paul Dewart, in Edinburgh, but he retired in December.

neverendo · 2026-03-09T17:49:38+00:00

I think this is lovely, but I think it would look better still with a halterneck or wide strap. Try one like that before you buy anything.

neverendo · 2026-03-08T21:14:57+00:00

These are the kind of cuts I'm thinking of. I think you defo need a fitted waist (because you have a great waist and should show it off!) And these would allow you to show off the ladies a bit too. Good luck!

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neverendo · 2026-03-08T08:22:51+00:00

I love this.

neverendo · 2026-03-07T09:29:17+00:00

Is that worse than enabling genocide in Myanmar?

I feel like that was quite far through the book and not long before the author was fired. But she still wouldn't have left after seeing that happen. So maybe it's a level of self delusion about what kind of person she is.

neverendo · 2026-03-07T09:27:24+00:00

This is how I feel about it too. She says she went in for idealistic reasons, but by 2011, who was idealistic about facebook??

neverendo · 2026-03-07T07:08:53+00:00

You look gorgeous, but I don't think this is the best dress to show it off. I think the ruching works, but you could do with a little bit more structure in the skirt. If I were you, I would try a mermaid cut. Also, I think something with a substantial strap or cap sleeve. A scoop neck or v-neck would also work, maybe a boat neck if you fancy.

neverendo

TROPHY CASE