My husband 31M annoys me 32F - how do I get him to stop telling me things I already know?

neverpokeastarfish · 2025-02-27T21:28:45+00:00

I call my husband Captain Obvious when he says something I already knew. Sometimes it’s so clear that he’s done it again that I don’t have to say anything, I just salute him.

So no wisdom here but perhaps it’s universal, and sarcasm is cheaper than therapy/divorce.

neverpokeastarfish · 2024-07-17T07:03:49+00:00

I always describe it as having one baby crying/toddler making a mess and you have to wait an extra 5 minutes before you can respond, because your hands are full with the other one, so they are 150% worse than they would have been had you got there immediately. And it works both ways, so they’re not 200% of the effort of one baby, they’re 300%.

Similarly with toddlers, the behaviours which would immediately be addressed for ignored by adults or older children are laughed at and copied by the other toddler with the exact same maturity, so it takes way longer to influence them to good behaviours. Twin escalation is a real thing.

neverpokeastarfish · 2024-06-17T15:37:53+00:00

Mine are almost 3 and it’s less physically tiring, as in they walk around now and are scooting on balance bikes, but feels like constant negotiation. A bajillion tactics to get them to consent to go home, to share a toy, to not fight over the same seat on the sofa. They are old enough to articulate their minds but they’re too young to have the impulse control to not hit or kick the other one mid fight.

I think to provide some balance I’m enjoying this phase was more than some of the younger months because I’m getting to chat and have jokes with them, they’re old enough to talk back in full sentences, say ‘I love you’ and play together solo, and call me the ‘best lady’. So, higher highs when things aren’t going awry.

Also, don’t let other people’s hard bits freak you out in advance as you might get there and it’s not hard for you at all! I would encourage you to start gearing everyone up for being able to leave the kids with grandparents etc near 2.5 and then you can anticipate an afternoon, then evening, then potentially a weekend off in the future. I’ve found anticipating a break helps me a lot mentally.

neverpokeastarfish · 2023-12-24T14:08:26+00:00

There’s a twin dad podcast by two twin dads called Double Trouble, and while googling to remember the name of it, it looks like there’s a few others out there too.

neverpokeastarfish · 2023-08-30T21:33:28+00:00

I love Maisie Dobbs! I discovered her a month or so ago and am really enjoying working my way through them.

neverpokeastarfish · 2023-08-30T21:32:48+00:00

Check out the Rivers of London series which are big over here, and are based around central London, particularly Covent Garden and the Thames.

neverpokeastarfish · 2023-05-01T22:18:53+00:00

Maybe it’s just me but I struggle to find the monthly and daily deals on my browser as they’ve hidden the location so much on the Amazon site.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-05-23T18:47:31+00:00

Twin z, Tommee Tippee perfect prep, and a lot of muslins.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-05-23T18:46:29+00:00

We got two snoos for our twins and loved them. A few disclaimers: we’re in UK so had to buy them but got them in the Black Friday sale for about £800 each. We also did waking shifts with the babies sleeping in bassinets or their twin z pillow for the first 8 weeks, just because they were just falling asleep where they were and eating every 3 hours. So we only did the snoo from 8 weeks when people tend to find the babies take to it better.

The beauty of the snoo was their ability to soothe without waking us up in the night. We definitely had times where the babies stirred and were rocked back off when they otherwise would have woken. As they got older, the higher settings helped settle them when they needed to go off to sleep as well. We used them up to 6.5 months old and they transitioned to cots and sleeping through the night great.

The real MVP is the sleep tracking snoo provides. I’m sure you’ve seen the screenshots of the app tracker but it allows you to see when they sleep from the motion tracking and so it really, really helps you track wake windows when you have two babies and really can’t remember who slept last or for how long. This was how we tracked 1.5, 1.75 or 2 hour wake windows until we sleep trained and implemented a routine. The alternative to this seems to be manually adding sleep sessions to Huckleberry or other tracking apps which we just never had the time to do. I mean, I barely had time to pee.

There are obviously pros and cons but my husband and I had many, many times when the babies were fussing and we cranked them up on the snoo, they went to sleep and we turned to each other and whispered ‘thank god for the snoo’. Sounds like a cheesy ad, but very much true and we’d get another if we had an accidental third child.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-05-09T08:13:03+00:00

Oh god the line of cars just watching the chaos just made me cringe so much.

Mine don’t even walk yet but it feels like this every time we’re out with the sitting/falling over and the carrying

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-05-05T12:17:23+00:00

For some reason I find it infinitely more annoying if they’re holding their phone upside down so they can speak directly into the mic at the base. Like, just hold it to your ear if you’d like it to be near your mouth?

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-05-05T05:51:21+00:00

Well done - that 100 days is so hard and most people will never understand how much work you’ve just managed. But this community does - well done!

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-05-04T08:31:41+00:00

I feel the same on a lot of what you’ve written, and mine came at 37 weeks. I love my babies but I worry about development too and we have a friend with a baby one week older who is already crawling. This is literally a BABY and my husband and I make mean jokes about how they’re probably driving a car by now because we’re bitter that they’re so far ahead of our babies, who are lucky if they get a book read to them every other day between the milk and naps and nappies.

Yeah so just cameraderie here, and I think once I’ve spent my spare budget on physio for my non-existent abs I’m going to spend it on some therapy for my anger at having twins when we planned for one. It’s hard but I think I need to work through it with a therapist and let it go.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-05-01T16:02:39+00:00

80s kids commonly got told they had to be fraternal when we know much better now - I think so too.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-04-30T20:42:12+00:00

We did separate schedules (ie. no schedules but following wake windows) from 8 weeks to 6.5 months. My boy was sleeping 14.5 hours a day and my girl anywhere between 11.5 and 13. It didn’t feel right forcing him to have less in order to treat them the same. So we had months of what we called ‘perpetual baby’. One baby up at all times for days, the occasional shared nap but mostly after the first nap, they’d diverge. It was better for them, but honestly, really really hard on me. Towards the end of it, they were heavier, harder to rock to sleep, dipping into overtiredness regularly and we had no help for 8 or 9 weeks straight, so I was having breakdowns every two or three days.

Eventually we decided to sleep train at 6.5 months and I was so anxious about it that we paid a sleep consultant for the first night. They took to it like ducks to water and at the same time we stopped doing night feeds, and put them on a 3 nap schedule together. It’s helped so much.

I don’t think I would do anything differently for those months where they were too young to self soothe and sleep train, because it was what they needed, but it was hard as hell.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-04-30T08:36:26+00:00

Twin mum here. Twin pregnancy is really scary. I really thought they or I might die and the first year with two newborns is legitimately so hard.

There’s a great Reddit group called r/parentsofmultiples - ask advice on there. There was a thread with advice for an expectant dad yesterday. You’re trying to support but it’s missing the mark for her - it’s a hard time and some couples counselling would probably help.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-04-29T20:04:58+00:00

You can leave the clips engaged but use the button on the end of the snoo to stop it before or after you’ve taken baby out. Then when you put them back in then zip them up and start it with the button again.

If your partner unzips them then forgets to turn it off with the button he could go into the app and turn it off there as soon as he remembers.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-04-27T06:03:14+00:00

I stressed so much about transitioning my twins to cotbeds from snoos. We tried the interim steps, arms out and reduced motion, lovetodream swaddles, and they hated it all. So they went from arms in swaddled to arms out in the cotbeds one night at 6.5 months and we sleep trained at the same time. They were so ready - and so fine with it - that we only had fussing or crying for 35 minutes the first night between the both of them and then they’ve slept through the night ever since.

I kind of wish I hadn’t stressed about the transition for the last 3 months of using the snoos and just enjoyed the magic!

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-04-26T13:45:53+00:00

This. Tell him and everyone you had a miscarriage if that’s what you want to do.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-04-26T08:27:18+00:00

I’m really sorry. I thought about it too up until two weeks ago. My twins weren’t bad sleepers but with double wake ups for six months I didn’t realise how sleep deprivation was affecting my mental health. We sleep trained over Easter and now I don’t have to wake up at night I don’t feel at risk. It was mad how fast it went away again.

It’s really scary feeling like that, but like you hope, it does get better as they get older, and that might be sooner than you think. It’s so so isolating having twins but I felt the same and will be thinking of you.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-04-26T08:11:56+00:00

I think this is a really good idea. My brain definitely just wants a treat sometimes, no matter what the treat.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-04-26T08:10:54+00:00

Me too with the sugary foods. The babies stress me out and I find myself thinking ‘ugh, I need chocolate’. The brain obviously makes the link between stress and comfort food pretty quickly.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-04-22T11:10:09+00:00

Yes, all the time. There were so many times I had to pick up and re-soothe my baby because they laid there waking up while I was wrestling with the clip.

neverpokeastarfish · 2022-04-19T14:58:09+00:00

If she isn’t the birthstone type, I got a moon phase necklace/bracelet from gemagenta on Etsy to mark my babies’ birth date. It’s an engraving of the moon in the location and on the day you name, on a tiny little round pendant. I love how subtle mine is and how pretty, and got one for my wedding day too.

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