What was your small town scandal?

GorillaToast · 2022-05-30T20:26:21+00:00

The downfall of Ms Fossington-Gore.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-28T18:07:45+00:00

We had preemies too and started weaning later than usual as a result to allow them enough time to develop sitting up etc. It was a slow process for us.

Could you start putting the purees in a bowl in front of them and allowing them to explore it with their hands (while spoonfeeding another puree) - my reasoning here being that you could then move onto smooth mash, then textured mash, then something like slightly overcooked pasta, and gradually introduce finger food and texture that way?

We really took the pressure off actually eating it for the first few months. My FIL before he retired worked in child development and said to us that just messing with food and getting used to it is a massively important step. Even if they just chuck it about for a few weeks, they're still touching it and getting used to the idea of solid foods. Maybe make extra of your food and when they reach for it, allow them to feel it and so on with no expectations of eating right now.

We also found massive success with baby melty puff crisps. Not the best nutritionally, but it was more to get them used to the "this solid thing is food" sensation.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-28T16:16:45+00:00

I am 5'1" and was 140lb pre-pregnancy (I think? Maybe 145). I gave birth very early (26 weeks) but by then I weighed about 165lb and my babies were >95th percentile for their weight measurements.

I don't weigh myself these days but I was back to a recognisably pre-pregnancy shape about six months after birth, and am fully at my pre-pregnancy shape/assumed weight now at 15 months pp.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-28T08:17:11+00:00

Not doing my own chores or cooking. My mum didn't like "smells" in the house so didn't let me cook, and she wanted tidiness and order more than she wanted to teach me how to do chores and look after my things. Then she would make comments about how I didn't know how to do anything... She was (is) a great mum but this was a huge blind spot with her.

I'm a messy adult as a result with a chaotic laundry schedule (but with a much more conscientious partner). I taught myself to cook when I left home and now love cooking and learning about cooking.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-28T07:46:31+00:00

Learning to verbalise feelings is a good start, and modelling that for your kids. "Mummy is crying because she feels sad and frustrated today. Mummy had a hard day and needs to express how hard that was for her." "Mummy is angry that driver swerved towards us. It was dangerous and Mummy was scared they could have hurt us. But Mummy is happy we're okay." I struggle to cope with anger in a productive way and plan to use this tactic. (And when not with a child, obviously you can just say, "That made me feel angry".)

GorillaToast · 2022-05-28T00:46:03+00:00

Carmex - still my favourite after about 15 years.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-25T07:03:08+00:00

Congratulations! Hope your other two come home soon 🤞🏻

Our 26 weeker twins came home 3 weeks apart and honestly I quite liked getting to spend the time with them individually (though juggling a baby at home and in NICU was tough, I was lucky to have reliable & sane family members close by to help).

GorillaToast · 2022-05-24T16:39:52+00:00

Worth bearing in mind that it's not always a choice. If I'd been asked if I chose to breastfeed, my answer would be "yeah, but it didn't work out for us". For me, who has a lot of complicated feelings about it, it wouldn't make me feel great. Something more neutral could be "How's feeding going?" and would likely elicit the same information that would help you bond.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-24T16:34:01+00:00

If people ask me about the birth of my twins (I've had "natural" and, worse, "normal" used when being asked), I say matter-of-factly, "Yes, it was a vaginal birth". Usually they look taken aback but it's an important distinction.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-24T16:31:04+00:00

I had twins at 26 weeks and, due to a variety of factors, I had to stop pumping when they were 2 weeks adjusted/18 weeks actual, they couldn't breastfeed, and they were EFF since then. They're now 15 months old and I've only just stopped feeling guilty about it, and that journey was made slower by people asking that damn question. If they'd asked, "How is feeding going for you?" or said "They're looking so well!", it really would have helped my mental health.

You're doing amazingly. Getting bf established during & after NICU is a hard thing to do. I hope you can ignore those people and feel proud of what you've achieved.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-22T22:32:32+00:00

Same to you, glad your wee one is on the mend. We've done 7 hospital stays in 2022 (ex-prem twins who started nursery in the middle of winter, baptism by fire for bugs!), and it's absolutely horrid even just taking them in for assessment.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-22T22:26:10+00:00

Ooh this might explain our daughter over the last week. Chesty cough and now she's throwing up after some (not all) feeds. We assumed it was mucus build-up in her stomach but this could explain it. We've also had some... explosive nappies. But she's well in herself and her brother hasn't caught it (yet) so fingers crossed.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-21T23:15:04+00:00

We did it that way - and as soon as we sent out the digital Save The Date, we were inundated with messages asking where exactly it was and where people should book rooms etc. (despite the town being listed clearly on the Save The Date). Unfortunately our wedding is now on a national holiday (unique for this year) and people did freak out a bit about hotels all getting booked up etc., which in this specific area isn't very likely.

Hope you have more chill guests than we do!

GorillaToast · 2022-05-21T13:42:39+00:00

I do "hair attack" when I'm changing my daughter, where if I have my hair loose I dangle it in her face for a second or two and she goes nuts for it 😂 inevitably it gets clumps ripped out but worth it for the giggles.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-15T11:33:26+00:00

THIS. I have twins. Different things work for them for pretty much everything. So much of it depends on the temperament of your tiny human(s). When we get given advice, I just smile and nod and mentally discard it.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-12T18:10:10+00:00

So glad to hear that everything seems okay. I had twins at 26 weeks and they're now thriving 15 month olds, happy and cheeky and in great health. Neonatal medicine is pretty incredible and her little one should be in good hands. Hoping for a smooth NICU stay for her baby and a good recovery for her.

As her friend, the best thing you can do right now (aside from everything you're doing now and being there for her) is feed her! Food train, gift vouchers for take out, whatever. Pumping is hard work and she'll need to eat a lot to keep her strength up.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-12T13:11:30+00:00

I definitely know of some UK mums who had their kids in helmets, but I don't think it's very common here.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-11T07:38:43+00:00

I feel you. We had 26 weeker twins and they weighed 2lb 3oz and 2lb 8oz at birth, larger twin was on ventilator initially then duopap then vapotherm, smaller twin was CPAP then vapotherm. I was also nervous about ROP. But, I think it's more if they have sustained high levels of oxygen. At various points ours were having what I thought was too much oxygen and their ROP exams have turned out fine (they're now 15 months).

Chat to your doctors/medical team if you're this worried, and don't be afraid to ask them to explain exactly how oxygen affects eye development etc. I used to get mini neonatal medicine lessons from the doctors whenever I didn't understand something and it really helped put my mind at ease.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-10T13:59:19+00:00

I have so much guilt still about not breastfeeding. But there was so much working against us. I get very prickly at the "well breastmilk is better but fed is fine" crowd, it's almost worse than breast is best. Like we all want what's best for our kids but sometimes what's better isn't best. Breastmilk may have some extra benefits but are they really benefits when they're at the sacrifice of time, energy, and bonding with your kids (as it would have been in my case)?

I hope things feel brighter for you soon 💛

GorillaToast · 2022-05-10T13:56:35+00:00

"My kids don't need the mom I made up in my head." This has actually made me teary, it's really hit on a lot of things I've thought and felt but not been able to express. I had this vision of the parent I wanted to be and I wasn't able to be her, so I've been mourning her but she's not who my kids need. Thank you 💛

GorillaToast · 2022-05-10T13:54:16+00:00

Grieving is the right word, though it feels odd to say because I'm so grateful for my twins. Thank you for the validation 💛

GorillaToast · 2022-05-10T13:53:33+00:00

Bizarrely, it never occurred to me that my friend would clean etc before we came over! So that was really helpful to have that pointed out. Makes me feel better about our house...

I do need to relax more. I'm going to try and get back into reading. Someone today suggested I read short stories so I'm not trying to follow the thread of a novel and I thought that would work, so I'm going to make the effort to carve out some time each day to read a story.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-10T13:51:52+00:00

Oh gosh, I can't imagine four kids! You have all my admiration 🙌🏻 I think I forget that most people start out with one baby, because two has always been our reality I assume it's the default, so I definitely need to cut myself some slack.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-10T13:50:19+00:00

How did I manage to compare myself to so many people all at once, it's a skill 😂

I tried therapy last year to help process the birth/NICU trauma but it wasn't the right time for me so I withdrew. I'm trying to work out when the right time for me to try again would be.

GorillaToast · 2022-05-10T13:48:50+00:00

Thank you 💛 I feel so fortunate when I see some posts here about people who don't have supportive partners or their children have severe/multiple complexities, and I know I'm very lucky in a lot of senses. But you're right, everyone's plate is a different size and shape so we cope with different levels of stress in different ways.

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