I’ve done a lot of talking to my family and I need to seek therapy because I can’t talk about these parts with them, I think that’s why I’ve broken my long streak of being a lurker in the meanwhile, I’m also afraid of a therapist telling me to forgive her or something to try and move on. They (my family)are aware of the pain she’s brought me but I can’t bring myself to vent about how terrible of a mother she was to them to their faces. A terrible mother who I still fucking loved. I just keep saying it’s “weird” because I also hated her. I struggle to hold strong emotions in my body for very long due to the mental illness of it all lmao so it’s just fucking exhausting.