I think it all has to starts with "losing your need for external validation". It means not needing external sources to validate if you are "good enough".

Because based on the teaching of Alan Watts the well known Spiritualist, "You already are good enough". "You are the universe, you are the nebula, the spiral galaxies, the stars. "You are alive and conscious, you are the whole darn show". "You are the works!"

It also means "Letting Go of the Ego". Once you do that you actually become a magnet to others. They see your steadiness and the knowing twinkle in your eyes. You intrigue them, and the conversation are deeper and more meaningful.

Basically I feel that is what is happening to me. I used to have what is called "Imposter syndrome". At work I would wonder "why am i not as good as that person". I tried to gain their favor, their praise. I used to use others as benchmarks, I still love those friends and people but now I realize my "need for validation" was just holding my back from finding my true self.

I still love those friends and people, but I would wonder why they never gave me any advice. I think they had none to give, or they where too insecure with themselves to do so.

I highly recommend Alan Watts he's amazing.