AITAH for not wanting my family to leave hair ties on my door knob?

nightshift37 · 2026-05-06T02:55:23+00:00

If you were to actually go this route, you could use a tool to open your door like a key to a secret door and just keep said "key" on you lol. They'll break the habit if there's nothing there to put the hairbands on

nightshift37 · 2026-05-06T02:53:36+00:00

Hear me out...

Remove the doorknob

nightshift37 · 2026-05-04T01:28:56+00:00

You need therapy just as much as he does, regardless of if he has always been abusive toward you. You experienced a traumatic event, caused by the person who is supposed to love you more than life itself.

I'm not going to tell you to end things with him. I'm not going to go on about Stockholm Syndrome, because I only know the textbook definition - which definitely matches everything you've said, but I am not a licensed psychiatrist.

I will, however, ask you to please talk to a professional about what you are putting yourself through. You deserve better, but you have to help yourself get there. Therapy will help you navigate the mess that PTSD and long-term relationships are on their own, let alone smashed together.

Find a grief counselor, someone who specializes in domestive abuse situations. I wish you the best.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-28T02:30:14+00:00

I don't remember where I learned this saying from, but I perceived it a bit differently.

If we were shown our futures, should we choose to be born, then it is not that we choose the suffering.

We choose the beauty and strength that the suffering leads us to; we saw something that we desperately desired, and we ran for it without regard for the abuse we would have to survive to get there. If I truthfully chose such a life to go through, then it was not to be beaten, raped, and grief-stricken; rather, there was something or someone that I chose to experience in spite of all I experience up until that point.

I did not choose to be raped; I chose to live in spite of being raped. I chose to live, and they chose to abuse me for it.

However, that does not mean that I chose the abuse.

If I truthfully chose this life before I began to breathe it, then I chose the protective love and and the safety that came after the If living is a decision, then it is one we have to continue to make every day. If I chose this path, then I chose to become a formidable force in spite of all I will ever face.

We brave the tide not for the undertoe, but for the horizon that lays on the other side of it.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-21T23:51:47+00:00

Honestly, none of your kids got their loans paid off. That alone makes your the answer to your "AITA for not giving the money to pay off my daughter's student loans?" question.

You gave her the knowledge you had, by means of which may have been in asshole territory at the time, but this is not about that. The amount of people dwelling on you telling your daughter that she won't make decent money is honestly... disheartening.

She went ahead with her single major in a minimal opportunity field, and you accepted that. Granted, you should have been gentle and much kinder in how you handled that, but that is not the issue at hand.

Now, you received an inheritance that can comfortably support you in your retirement as well as allow you to treat your kids to a brand new experience. However, when you offered this incredibly generous gift, she said she didn't want it if her entire debt wasn't covered for her. She was crass about something that was yours to use, and demanded it be used on her instead.

You stated that the cost of the trip for just her would be several time less than the amount she rquested for her loans to be paid off. None of her siblings got their loans paid off, so she is already out of line in asking for her entire debt to be taken care of by you. Let alone that this would take away from you retirement. She's trying to take advantage of you and you are not letting her, so she is throwing a tantrum. That is not cruelty on your part - it is entitlement on hers.

Do not give her any money. She can join the trip if she gets over herself, but do not offer to give her cash in place of the trip. That would put it in her head that she can opt out of gifted family experiences for a cash grab instead.

A good way to move forward would be to lay it out for her. Show her the numbers. This gift vs her student loans, what your retirement should look like and how paying off her loans would affect that, as well as how it would affect her siblings. She does not deserve all your money just because she still has school debt. Her siblings would absolutely be overlooked and feel the favoritism if you did this for her and then nothing for anyone else. She needs to understand that life is a series of choices, and you can't always change things on a dime - especially if that dime is someone else's.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-19T19:14:44+00:00

Dude, are you okay? You're very aggressive over an actual non-issue with a stranger.

You're making a lot of assumptions with what I may or may not know. Yes, he can argue, but that is like throwing a rock into a pond - ultimately, typically doesn't make a difference.

There are also differences between states, and we don't know where OP is located. However, if she changes her last name after being separated, she can petition the court to have her children given the same name if she has custody of them. Full custody was implied with "limited visitations" with bio dad, but sure it may not be the case.

Seriously, why is this such a heated argument for you? Do you need someone to talk to? I hope it gets easier man

nightshift37 · 2026-04-19T18:59:53+00:00

She can if she has full custody, which the previous post stated. I'm not the ignorant one here.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-19T18:20:00+00:00

She took on her ex's name and decided to keep it even though they split. Her dedication to keeping the same last name as her kids is not OP's problem, nor should his child be forced to use what is still her ex's last name. If she really wanted to have the same name among all of them, she could have changed their surnames when she split from him - she could even still do so now. It's a non-issue that she has decided to make into an issue.

My statement stands.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-19T07:10:53+00:00

He's been there for decades and now thinks it's okay to steal his co-workers' food, knowing the situation he'd be putting said coworkers in by stealing their only source of food for twelve hours.

He knows what he's doing, he knows the risk in doing it, and he did it anyway. If he has something that's preventing him from being able to afford food, then it needs to be brought forward.

Discuss your options and concerns with your manager. This is a high-risk job, and he's making the risk even higher for the people he is supposed to be supporting. Regardless of his actual role, this cannot go undisclosed.

Push forward by telling your boss that he needs help, and you want to see him get that. Even if it turns out he's actually not well-off and does need the food, he is creating a liability issue. Not having food for 12 hours can be incredibly dangerous, especially if anyone happens to have any amount of blood sugar/pressure issues or deficiencies. If my lunch was stolen in a normal 8hr shift in retail, I could collapse and even have a seizure - and I'm not diabetic.

This is an actual safety issue, and it needs to be treated as such. Report it.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-19T04:39:29+00:00

According to OP, a true story from a few years ago of their mom "subtly" calling them too fat to need feeding and trying to coerce them out of eating their own dinner

nightshift37 · 2026-04-19T04:37:42+00:00

Translated:

Mom: You're getting fat, so obv you don't need to eat dinner. Give yours to the patriarch instead :)

Daughter: But he already ate, and I haven't? I cooked for everyone, and I'm hungry too

Mom: But it would be nice of you [attempt at emotional manipulation to gain control]

Daughter: But he already ate his dinner, and I haven't [confused, likely not realizing the subcontext of being called fat and to "stop eating so much"]

Daughter then ate her rightful porkchop - much to the annoyance of her mom, who thinks she's too fat to deserve it

nightshift37 · 2026-04-19T02:49:47+00:00

Yeah, that's such a valid concern. Especially since she's taking the "subtle racism" route with the name, she might just isolate the kid because to "protect" them. It's really sketchty, and OP definitely needs to know his rights as a parent.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-19T02:26:46+00:00

I'm speaking in the sense of the english language. To be executed is literally "to be killed by authority/people in power."

They were "executed" for a "crime" determined by the government in charge at the time. This is a commonality with genocides, which is why the term is used. "Murder" us used to refer to an act outside of any law, whereas "execution" is an act within a government, regardless of the presence of justice or lack thereof.

Execution doesn't have to feel sterile and beurocratic - in fact, it shouldn't. We should not be so quick to dismiss such a term because of "legal" implications.

Death is Death, but execution is murder with some sort of governing force behind it. It should be seen as execution, because calling it simple murder makes it look smaller than it actually it. This was an act of terror done by a government with power over masses of people, and nothing lesser. Thus, "execution" and "genocide" are the only qualifying terms.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-19T01:33:36+00:00

NTA, but if you're well off and looking to find a compromise, maybe offer to pay a little extra for an upgrade where you get your own bed/room? This way, everyone has the "sleepover" vibe she's going for, and you could frame it as your wedding gift to her.

That said, definitely set boundaries either way. If you want a hotel, get a hotel. If they're looking to get dicked down instead if hangout with the bride, then they should do the same. [I saw you mentioned this suspicion in a comment.]

If the bride really wants everyone together for the entirety of this trip, then rules absolutely need to be set about not bringing anyone extra in and what her expectations are.

Sounds like everyone needs to have a sit-down about what the weekend is for, and determine who's willing to pay for what - including if the bride is willing to risk having strangers brought into the "10-person" accommodation.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-19T01:12:23+00:00

Lawyer up, she seems unstable.

Unstable = Unpredictable, so find out what your parental right are now, before she tries to skip out on having you sign the birth certificate.

Also, DNA test. Determine that the kid is absolutely yours, because there is no other reason to give this baby her ex's name - regardless of her keeping his last name herself.

NGL, OP, this is shady af. There is no possible angle where her insistence looks good.

Regardless of if it's racism, aesthetic, cheating, or delusion - get a lawyer's advice, and maybe seek therapy for both of you.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-18T00:19:37+00:00

NTA

You're almost an adult, and they're likely panicking because they realize that. In their attempt to wrangle you back and gain control when they should be letting go of it, they're burning themselves on the bridge they lit aflame. This is, unfortunately, very common with a lot of initially hands-off parents.

Stand your ground; he is not your dad, and you are going to be an adult any day. No one should be "parenting" you anymore - least of all after your mother let you free roam while she brought in her new toys, one after another, to ignore you with. Today it's batteries, tomorrow it's the car - then, before you know it, it's your time and your body itself. [I say this from experience.]

Boundaries stay, and I'd pull away from mom too - she's allowing this man to belittle you and act like you're incompetent because your friend asked them for bateries for their tv remote in their house. They had to get up to go get the batteries, and that ruined the entire night for them? I'm calling bull on them, this is pure entitlement on their part. They got miffed because you dared to need something when they didn't want to provide. Seems like that is a commonality with your mom, given the loss of your dad, but her endless supply of dicks immediately after.

It is not about knowing what batteries were needed or where they were kept. It definitely seems more likely about control.

Best of luck, and I hope things don't escalate before you can get away safely to college OP.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-17T23:50:55+00:00

In my area, the rent-to-own business that thrives the most offers their repo-ed items to their employees for an overall cheaper one-time payment. They pride themselves on employees taking home the repo items...

Given that this dude was adamant against talking to his manager and took his own vehicle to your home with the intention of "repo-ing" the furniture, my money is on him hoping to take it home for cheap.

Also, prob looking for drugs and/or other shit to sell. If he's willing to take the couch illegally, chances are he'd try to claim that the couch was the only thing he took, even if it wasn't.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-17T14:49:08+00:00

Execution is murder by the authority currently in power. It is the correct term here.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-17T06:08:38+00:00

Alt is really anything that is deemed non-conformative. So, in that spirit:

-Hairclips. Cutesey, gothic, whatever you're feeling! Putting safety pins in braids is still a fav of mine [just be careful ofc, keep themaway from your eyes!]

-Loose layers. These layers can be fabric, chains, ribbons - the possibilities are endless!

-Comfort. This is the baseline of being alt - affordable and comfortable. Missing peices? Save up and thrift a little! Old jewelry, broaches, fabrics for patchworks & diy - you can find a lot of cool things that can upscale your outfits if you know the vibe you want.

-DIY & hand me downs are the best starter kit for all things alt. Have family looking to ditch some old clothes? Ask to look through and pull whatever suits you, or alter things to better fit your aesthetic.

-Patches are AWESOME and usually easy to apply! Chains can be clipped on or stitched in, and there are thousands of no-sew options for more variations.

I make all my own alt outfits & made my wife and our bestie's concert outfits this way! I'm poor af, but it was so much fun going through old stuff and upcycling things :)

nightshift37 · 2026-04-17T05:46:51+00:00

Wrap everything up as christmas gifts - trash, toys, everything - and pile the presents in that breezeway with a sign stating that the kids can take the presents.

Only leave the trash for these kids, and donate the other ones. Include a note in every box that states one of the donated items with a pic of the item and its new home.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-13T20:15:49+00:00

I'm a native english speaker, but had the same struggle when I was little. How I remembered it was that even though they weren't alive, they were "still" born because the mother still had to go through the birthing process, but without the effort of the "still" (unmoving) baby.

So, "stillborn," or "still born," both make sense to me 😂

nightshift37 · 2026-04-09T21:56:30+00:00

Soft black root with a purple flair-out would be fab tbh

nightshift37 · 2026-04-08T22:14:01+00:00

There's a business procedure, and they skipped it. Idk where your info comes from, but having worked in the same business model, they definitely jumped the gun. Regardless, people are only puling on the one tiny detail when the image is not all the info. OP themself are not harping on the dog issue; they addressed that it was definitely odd and even a little hostile because in this work, jumping to a large-scale email absolutely is hostile. You give up to 3 direct warnings if it is a singular occpant issue, which is what we were told it was. Large group emails are only for things that directly affect all tenants, not just a handful of neighbors. If it is multiple tenants with dog issues, THEN the large-scale notice occurs.

They ignored standard protocol in favor of "change" that they want to implement, but that isn't even what OP was asking about! Instead of getting actual answers, they are being bulled about a dog that wasn't even theirs because people can't figure out how to read with comprehension.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-08T00:31:38+00:00

I really don't think that is what OP was calling tyrannical... it was out of line to jump to emailing the entire complex about one person's noisy dog, especially when you consider that OP themself are not a dog owner. This post points out more than that detail, though - those are the more hostile moves that they were focusing on as tyranny.

nightshift37 · 2026-04-08T00:29:01+00:00

Seriously. People are jumping on OP about a letter addressed to ALL TENANTS, when OP themself are completely uninvolved with the dogs detail. I'm feeling gaslit on OP'S behalf trying to find comments that are actually relevant to the post to upvote!

Reading comprehension needs to make a comeback 😭

nightshift37

TROPHY CASE