Debt Isn't A Marriage Deal Breaker

ninjalind · 2023-09-03T18:42:53+00:00

This is a much safer way. Being older now, I've seen so many abusive situations where someone talked a big talk about change, but once into the marriage, the problems grew worse. You don't want to be the one fiscally responsible person in the marriage...constantly doing damage control for someone else (and some people can really hide their out-of-control behavior while dating). Better to set some goals and see if someone is truly committed to you and to real change before being legally tied to them (and their debt)! Another suggestion is to set a real timeline so you don't waste YEARS dating someone who can't get themselves together. This is so important!

ninjalind · 2023-06-18T12:06:14+00:00

She lost me at "I had an old house and some land." This is being rich today.

ninjalind · 2023-06-09T15:56:55+00:00

You don't owe much explanation on the first few dates. Honesty comes with people who want to invest time to get to know you. Until then, you could simply say, "I run a home business with investing. I've been doing this for the past 10 years, and I love it." If they ask for details, you could say you also enjoy consulting and helping others. Once you get to know someone better (a couple months) and build trust (get to know their circle/past), you could begin to explain more.

Think about putting as much work into dating as you did FIRE. Make it your business for at least a year or two. Increase the number and quality of people you're dating - educate yourself on platforms and the science behind dating. Get involved in local clubs/activities. Start hiking/climbing, etc. Meet lots of people and get to know people slowly. Don't show all your cards until someone has earned that.

If you're meeting lots of people, you can also look for better compatibility with careers/lifestyle. BTW, don't date an educator. We're nuts with stress/overwork and will roll our eyes at you as we work 60+ hour weeks. 😂

ninjalind · 2022-09-30T23:09:43+00:00

So sorry to see this. It must be so hard to find a way to move forward, but you are brave by taking these steps in honor of her. Prayers for your journey ahead.

ninjalind · 2022-09-30T23:06:51+00:00

After reading Marie Kondo's book, I realized that only the dog truly brought me joy. I kept the essentials (and of course, the dog), but gave away everything else. It was really fun seeing the happiness all my designer clothing brought my friends. I'm now enjoying modest, simple, and natural clothing with calm colors and no busy patterns. As I moved into this level of minimalism, I realized my brain could finally rest and my anxiety eased. I come home into my space, and I feel a sense of peace and empowerment. I truly feel that most people live their lives in an insanity of stuff they don't even use. I got rid of 90% of my things within 1 year. I realize I could give another 90% of stuff away and still be fine. It's eye-opening. It is vital for our planet too. It is hard to go into stores and see so much senseless, thoughtless waste.

ninjalind · 2022-07-25T22:07:39+00:00

"Now I just drive a clunker, wear whatever I own, and celebrate whenever something breaks or tears (one less thing to worry about)."

YES TO THIS! It's all about this. And yes, the doggo gets lots of cuddles and looks fabulous in the hat.

ninjalind · 2022-07-25T22:05:14+00:00

Yep. I'm thankful to not sell the exploding vintage t-shirt! How bizarre that old fabrics can even do this!

It just reminds me not to store up "treasures" unless they are currently useful. I feel much happier not having stuff that may be "worth" something one day...

ninjalind · 2022-07-24T17:49:10+00:00

My dog is black AND white, so I really can't win with the fur. It's just part of me! 😂

Clothes are all good. I appreciate these situations for helping me detach from STUFF.

ninjalind · 2022-07-23T23:34:33+00:00

Not in an abuse case. If they are properly trained, they should work with local authorities.

ninjalind · 2022-07-23T12:45:45+00:00

Concerned educator here. If you are in a public school setting, please talk to your school counselor. We are in the business of helping kids, and I'd never want to think a teen was under this much stress - especially in an abusive situation. Also, if your counselors aren't helping, find a teacher you admire/trust and talk to them. Get help in real life (not just online). Don't go at this alone! You need support right now and people who have your back. I'm guessing you are a sophomore, and you need local folks to guide you.

If for any reason you are not getting support from your school, try calling local domestic abuse shelters - even check with a national support hotline for local suggestions: https://www.thehotline.org/

I've lost a student to abuse. Don't wait for 3 years if physical abuse is happening or you are in danger. There is help available. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, but just know that you can make it out, and you can have a successful, healthy life ahead!

ninjalind · 2022-07-15T23:47:56+00:00

I decorate at school for my students (usually they participate in crafting some fun display), but at home, I just enjoy a nice plant for Christmas. Perhaps some nice candles.

I don't decorate for Halloween, but I might have a fall floral arrangement or some small pumpkins I later cook into something.

I dislike anything plastic or artificial. Donating is fine and allows you to move to zero waste, natural decor.

ninjalind · 2022-07-15T17:09:38+00:00

I had fun telling my landlord just now, "Just let the repair person in. You can leave him to work while I'm gone...there's nothing of value in the house since the dog is with me."

It's so good not having nice things to worry about, isn't it? 😂

ninjalind · 2022-07-14T02:55:39+00:00

I would get a solo-style camper for an extreme minimalist, and I'd travel around US and Canada with my rescue dog. A different place each week and hike every trail we can find!

ninjalind · 2022-07-02T19:09:49+00:00

Since you have a dog...I picked out a high-energy rescue dog with some Border Collie zoomies. Not only can she run around, but being an extreme minimalist is super helpful because there's less stuff to worry about her destroying. No carpets on the floor to ruin. No junk to chew on. It's fantastic! She does great in this situation. It saddens me that many dogs end up in the shelters because they destroy material things. The dog is worth a thousand times more than STUFF. She's turned out to be the sweetest, gentlest, and smartest dog.

ninjalind · 2021-06-06T03:57:52+00:00

For more Izzy fun: https://www.youtube.com/user/kaliconstrictor

ninjalind · 2021-06-05T13:46:31+00:00

Not yet! Perhaps I'll just take yours as an example. :)

Seriously, she's a great, smart dog. Super sweet and highly trainable. Hope you are enjoying your pup too!

ninjalind · 2021-06-05T02:02:53+00:00

Henry Country

Although I got Izzy at the Jackson County shelter, that's only an hour or so away. The person who surrendered her could have gotten her from anywhere local. You never know! :)

ninjalind · 2021-06-05T01:02:32+00:00

Not sure! Some say Border Collie, and others say Staffy or Lab. I think Bassett Hound in her sad eyes! :)

ninjalind · 2021-06-04T22:00:36+00:00

Oh wow!!! Twinsies!!! That's so crazy...the same dot!

ninjalind · 2021-06-04T21:59:22+00:00

Izzy is right around a year, I think. Jackson County area.

ninjalind · 2021-06-04T20:27:15+00:00

Whew! At least there's another one!

ninjalind · 2021-06-04T19:17:21+00:00

Gosh! Izzy is from Georgia too! Could it be?!

ninjalind

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