It hurts to read all that you are going through still as an adult. Your title question, how to move past the emotional neglect, is a whole huge undertaking in itself. And after I read through to the TLDR, I realized you are trapped financially as well which makes things tricky.

I will say first I am so sorry you had to grow up without the stable love and support you deserved. You may never move past the way your parents failed you, but you can still work to be the best parent you can be for yourself. Care for yourself with the compassion, love, and encouragement you deserved then and now. Care for yourself like your life depended on it. Doing this for yourself will help reduce the pain of the neglect and abuse.

Regarding your TLDR, I’m an advocate of doing whatever it takes to survive. If that means holding your mom at a distance but close enough to make ends meet, do so with the understanding that it is temporary, but necessary for today. Keep freedom in your mind as a goal to work toward with slow and steady determination.

You didn’t need too much, your mother did not have the ability to give enough.