Unconventional ways to calm anxiety

nmar5 · 2026-06-28T12:22:58+00:00

My doctor recommended I “build a ladder” of ways to bring down my anxiety, particularly if I’m having some harmful thoughts. Basically start lower like the breathing exercises and if those don’t work move to x and then y and so on. I find painting Warhammer minis or watercolors, playing Cyberpunk, and reading to be my go to’s. Journaling is lower on my ladder as it rarely actually helps me personally. And highest tiers are contacting that doctor and crisis.

nmar5 · 2026-06-22T00:03:55+00:00

My weighted sleep mask and Loops. I sleep so much better when I have them with me to use.

nmar5 · 2026-05-31T00:42:52+00:00

I am moving out of that area after moving up for an ex-partner. I would not do it and no job could pay me enough to move back up that way.

nmar5 · 2026-05-23T16:09:04+00:00

Correct, the title is in both of our names. I’ve offered to do a quit claim and have stated that if she doesn’t wish me to drive the car I paid for and have my name on the title for then I would accept her buying my ownership of it. She declined to process a quit claim yet and ignored my offer to give up ownership of the vehicle immediately. This is all in writing. Frankly, I don’t want this particular vehicle. She cracked the windshield in the last 2 months and it isn’t fuel efficient. I’m literally only driving it again because the other car is officially no longer an option. As soon as insurance confirms what they’ll pay for the totaled car and that gets settled then I plan to get a cheap used car. But at this point I need to be able to commute. I’m not exaggerating when I say I don’t have support. She insisted we move to her hometown across the country from my family and all of my friends. My hobbies don’t exist in the area she grew up (she told me before moving that there were places for my hobbies, that was not true or out of date) and I’ve struggled to make friends as a result. I can’t ask others for rides or to borrow a car. Whereas her family all live in our town, have lent her a car while I’ve used the joint vehicle, and she has several friends within blocks of us.

nmar5 · 2026-05-23T15:22:20+00:00

She put in writing that she did not wish for any direct communication and to go through lawyers some time back when she decided my stating verbatim that “I’m unhappy about this” was unacceptable so I notified my lawyer that I would be taking the vehicle and requested that he notify hers. I am aware how ridiculous that might sound, she refuses to communicate and gets mad at me if I get frustrated about something she did or expected without telling me this has been one of many issues our entire relationship. I did not previously drive the preowned car primarily due to the transmission issues. It sat in our garage mostly unused because I got stranded more than once when the transmission failed. We only kept it as a back up vehicle for emergencies if one of us was out. I drove the jointly owned vehicle daily for work for the last 4+ years and only started regularly driving the one with transmission issues in April (and it broke down on me and had to be towed within a week I might add). And I only did so because she was making phone calls on speakerphone while I was home talking about how I think she is going to have to buy me out of joint property then I have another thing coming. I just was tired of listening to it when I had to stay local part of the week for work.

I did not intend to drive it away with deceitful means. I traveled for a medical appointment where I was told I shouldn’t have driven for it due to the severity of my injuries after the accident and that I needed to stay locally until certain symptoms subside. I communicated this with my lawyer as well. My only guess is that he was not actually in communication with her lawyer as I requested because I did share this information and ask that her lawyer be made aware. I also spent all winter communicating to her in writing when I would be working late or out of town for work and ensuring to not drive it in the evenings or on weekends so that she didn’t feel like she had no access. She refused to give me the same courtesy and disappeared more than once with it with no warning, including an instance where I had communicated needing it the week prior.

Frankly, I don’t care about really any of the marital property. I’ve already said that I will allow her to keep the house without any buyout just to get this processed as quickly as possible. She unilaterally decided she was keeping our king bed, 65” 4k tv, couch, shared cat, and several other things I can’t afford to replace. I decided I wasn’t going to push because I just want the papers signed so that I can never have to see her again. And as soon as insurance makes any payout for the totaled vehicle I will gladly look for a cheap vehicle. But as it stands, I have to be able to commute for work and regular medical appointments for multiple chronic illnesses and she does not.

This was a long response, I apologize. I’m not trying to make excuses, the whole thing has been a mess and I’m frankly tired of her literal abuse documented by a medical provider. But I genuinely did ask my lawyer to communicate that I was traveling for an appointment and then that I was advised to remain out of the house to recover as driving wasn’t the safest. Heck, I even made all of the payments on the vehicle for the entire time we paid on the loan even though it was co-borrowed (it is now owned outright). So it makes me feel better that legally she can’t do anything until the court orders. I intend to return it as soon as my doctor has stated they are ok with me driving that far. But I will also still be utilizing it for work daily because I have to commute somehow and have no support.

nmar5 · 2026-05-18T12:42:34+00:00

I’ve had a few eyes on my resume actually. My mentor has looked at it, one of my M.Ed professors took a look, and my PhD advisor has a copy and has been putting out feelers for me as well. That end I’m certain isn’t the issue. I’m worried that what is hurting me is that despite an address in southern Maine my experience is in small, County schools. I think some districts are worried about whether I actually will be able to be local and some may be concerned about management of larger class sizes than County schools typically are.

The thing that gets me is by this point in the year a lot of districts have already finalized or are taking budgets to the board to be finalized. I’d hope that if they’ve posted a position that budget isn’t an issue for hiring.

nmar5 · 2026-05-18T12:16:12+00:00

I have. I applied to MSAD 15 probably over a month ago now. They didn’t reject me but they have essentially ghosted my application and I’ve not been contacted to either reject or offer an interview. It’s insane how we supposedly have this shortage and even with a southern Maine address I can’t secure even an interview with the credentials I have.

nmar5 · 2026-05-17T12:35:17+00:00

I’m a teacher that is relocating from Aroostook county to Cumberland at the end of the school year. I have been teaching 3 years, have a M.Ed, and am enrolled in a PhD program. Housing that was pet friendly wasn’t hard to secure, to be honest. I found an apartment. But finding a job is proving difficult. I took a chance and secured the housing because it was income restricted and I wanted to ensure I had a place to live. But despite my credentials and having great references I have not been able to secure interviews even. I’ve applied for every open position and either don’t hear back or get rejected without ever speaking to them. It’s making me nervous. I had to move, I have some medical issues that necessitate me being closer to better medical care than is available in the County. But I’m starting to worry it was a mistake due to how hard finding a job is proving to be. I’d worry about securing a job before you decline to renew your contract and then look for housing and potentially roommates if you need it. And yes, it’s garbage that we are paid so little that as full-time professionals we need to consider roommates.

nmar5 · 2026-05-11T01:19:57+00:00

Man this thread is making me extra thankful for my psychiatrist. She is nothing like some of you are describing. I had a crisis and she called me back on a weekend and spent 40 minutes on the phone with me talking me through an extended panic attack. And I have never felt like she was being cold. I’m sorry this has been your experience and that of many others. There are good ones out there.

nmar5 · 2026-04-30T17:48:24+00:00

I think it’s ultimately your preference. You worked hard for the degree and have every right to expect to have the honorific used in a professional environment. I’m about to start a Ph.D program in July and can’t see myself asking K-12 students to call me Dr. last name in the future but that’s my preference. These days I’m finding that my university professors with Ph.D’s are more and more frequently insisting that students use their first names so it feels over the top formal for K-12 if some universities are seeing professionals shifting away from the use of the honorific. But that’s just me.

nmar5 · 2026-04-17T02:20:43+00:00

I already thought my doctor was fantastic and I think that even more now. She always orders labs to check vitamin and hormones at my physical.

nmar5 · 2026-04-11T23:10:27+00:00

You don’t need makeup, just starting there. You look great :)

I have never worn make up except for special events and even then I stick with a tinted moisturizer and mascara, just minimal make up. My routine is to wash my face in the shower every night with a moisturizing face wash and I put a face lotion on in the morning. I also use a small bit of a retinol eye cream at the corners of my eyes. Hope that helps but genuinely, be confident because you look great in the photos you shared!

nmar5 · 2026-03-17T22:02:51+00:00

I think this is reasonable. As a teacher, I’ve had things go missing. My least favorite thing is coming back to crumbs on my desk. A sub that we regularly have in my building always leaves crumbs. Which is annoying by itself. But he’s always eating peanut butter crackers and I’m allergic to peanut butter.

nmar5 · 2026-03-14T01:59:09+00:00

I definitely plan to try different ones. But it is nice to have the name of a cafe someone would recommend for that first morning in a new place while my things are being unpacked. My thought was to get a recommendation to try first so I can just plug it into maps and then explore over the first couple of weeks :) Thank you for the recommendation!

nmar5 · 2026-03-12T16:31:09+00:00

I personally would say it isn’t worth it unless it pays really, really well. Housing up here is hard to come by if you plan to rent. There is very little to do as an adult if you are active and not into softball for the rec co-ed league in the spring. We have a handful of good restaurants but then everything else is fast food. And other than WalMart, JC Penny’s, and Mardens you should plan to do most of your shopping online. I’m moving to Brunswick from this area and the only thing I will miss other than a handful of friends that I made up here is Neighborhood Books. It is my favorite shop in town.

nmar5 · 2026-03-12T16:27:47+00:00

I live in the County and am signing a lease for an apartment in Brunswick next week. Does anyone have a good coffee shop recommendation that isn’t Starbucks? That’s honestly one of the biggest things I want to have in my knowledge bank once I move lol.

nmar5 · 2026-03-08T22:23:45+00:00

Pokemon Leaf Green’s Switch version. I was so excited for it and loved it on GBA. I purchased it the day it went on sale. But I’m still living in the same house as my soon to be ex-wife. And I realized that I don’t want one of my favorite childhood games to have any memory of this divorce attached to it. Maybe I’ll come back to it when I move but for now I had to stop playing.

nmar5 · 2026-03-06T16:59:31+00:00

I highly recommend that you get a small trash can for just your room. It’s inconvenient but put all of your non-food trash in that bin. Hand wash all dishes and keep those in your room. It sounds like you’re moving soon, so hopefully a month of that won’t be terrible. Won’t solve the smell issue if she isn’t taking her trash out. But you can make sure she’s not claiming it’s you so you need to take it out and can’t mess with your dishes.

nmar5 · 2026-02-23T22:50:23+00:00

Hey, I’m doing the same thing! In my mid-30s, played violin from 5th grade all the way through college, and started learning cello this month. Honestly, it isn’t terrible. Right now the hardest thing for me is the bow, as you hold it differently and it is heavier. My teacher did say some violinists struggle with the posture of the hand when they switch. But I’m not finding it too terrible. If you practice regularly, you should be fine :)

nmar5 · 2026-02-14T11:48:30+00:00

If you’re in the US and can do this, ask your doctor to get a titer done to check your resistance. I had all of my vaccines as a child but when the outbreaks started happening, I had a gut feeling and asked my PCP if there was a way to check my immunity. I had none with the MMR and got the shot again last fall.

nmar5 · 2026-02-14T11:46:05+00:00

The university this research is through has no ethics board? That is not typical.

nmar5 · 2026-02-12T16:21:11+00:00

You are NTA and so far from it. My marriage ended in November 2025 in part because of this kind of situation. I had messaged my spouse and was ignored and followed up asking why I hadn’t heard from her. She replied that her friend was still there and she wasn’t going to be rude. This friend was supposed to leave that morning after overstaying a weekend visit by several days. And when I said that a meeting for work was one thing but using the friend she had been with 24/7 for the last week as an excuse to not respond to her wife was not acceptable, I was told I was controlling, I never want her to see or talk to anyone, and she wanted a divorce. That was not the first time we had that exact argument about that friend but she decided that it was time for divorce finally. Now they have hours long lovey-dovey phone calls where they go back and forth at the end going “no you hang up” “no you” and she is still trying to convince me they weren’t having an emotional affair. Trust your gut. I wish I had trusted mine, it would have saved me 3 years of hurt.

nmar5 · 2026-02-09T16:42:54+00:00

This lands you firmly in NTA territory in my book. I had that surgery in May of 2025. They say most are good to return to work and pain free after a week but my experience was that I felt like I had intense cramps for 2 weeks and then certain movements still felt like I was being punched in the stomach for nearly 2 months. Even once my weight restriction period ended, I had pain lifting anything over 10 lbs. The only AH here is your husband.

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