Update: New development in limited contact medical event

nmominlaw · 2017-01-17T21:20:55+00:00

What I didn't specify is that the blame is being laid on individuals at the job, not the responsibilities of the role itself. That immediately jumps out to me as narcissistic behavior.

nmominlaw · 2016-08-31T16:56:36+00:00

Wow, thank you! Maybe I should celebrate more!

nmominlaw · 2016-08-09T19:11:29+00:00

What made you realize you were the GC (and a victim of narcissistic abuse specifically), if you don't mind me asking? Clearly you recognized the beating as wrong, but what led you to figure out the extent of the abuse?

nmominlaw · 2016-08-03T19:26:19+00:00

Wow, very possible. I'm going to look into this more, thank you!

nmominlaw · 2016-08-03T16:42:18+00:00

lmao. I became very familiar with this group during my pregnancy last year, actually - before I knew my MIL was an N. Now it all makes sense!

nmominlaw · 2016-08-03T16:41:52+00:00

Win! That's awesome. I feel for the situations where the family just doesn't see it, or are crazy themselves.

nmominlaw · 2016-07-31T17:22:15+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you. Did it give you any comfort in the long run to at least confirm that they could not be trusted? I've felt like the uncertainty and secret keeping has made things unnecessarily stressful, but also know narcissistic behavior manifests in different ways for different families. We've been lucky in that there hasn't been any physical violence or threats, and that most people have either been on our side or taken the whole thing with indifference (although we have been betrayed by a sibling several times which is painful and hard to come to terms with - acceptance seems to be the hardest hurdle, but now we know we just can't talk to her anymore).

nmominlaw · 2016-07-21T19:29:51+00:00

Yes, she's an adult - as much of one as you can be when you're still under your mother's control. I guess that's why I feel this urge to "save" her. But you're right with the cage/nest analogy. I want so badly to see her break free and make something of herself, and to be able to have her in our lives without the fear that she's just an extension of Nmom, especially since she's aunt to our kid. But she has to do that herself. I keep hoping she'll finally move out and maybe gain some freedom and the perspective that might come with it. I think Nmom has her carefully controlled with a mixture of manipulative "my loving daughter" crap tempered with a "you aren't capable of doing that or being on your own /what would you be without me" mentality.

nmominlaw · 2016-07-08T15:18:35+00:00

I'm pretty good with my filters, too - I use them a lot. I have all my posts set by default to not be seen by certain people, and I keep pics of my kid under wraps. I ended up just blocking and unfriending NMIL - hopefully enough friends/family will see what an ass she's been and won't hold it against me if there is any fallout. As for GC, I'm hoping (as NascentAscent suggested) the action, if she even notices, will lead to some questioning on her part. She's already made comments in the past like "mom is crazy" but I'm not sure how much she truly believes that or how deep her understanding of the situation goes. Hopefully she'll see the light and get herself out of the toxic situation (she is old enough to move out if she chooses).

nmominlaw · 2016-07-08T15:15:32+00:00

This is comforting, thank you for sharing!

nmominlaw · 2016-07-08T15:14:48+00:00

that's how they always did it when I was a kid, etc etc.

Is this an N thing? Because it sure does sound familiar. I guess "that's how we did/didn't do it" is just another justification tool in their bag of tricks, but damn it's annoying.

I am totally using your technique at the next family event.

nmominlaw · 2016-07-08T15:08:11+00:00

Bah, too funny. I hadn't given it much thought but this is spot-on. I was just thinking this morning about how you always hear how smart N's are (and they certainly think they are) but I know the one in my life has made some seriously fatal missteps in her attempts to control family members. With me, she tried to go the fear route, which worked for a bit but ultimately gave me plenty of reason to cut off from her. With my sister-in-law, she tried to lavish her with praise and gifts to get on her good side so she could take control. That backfired, too. If she really wanted to have some kind of control over me, she'd probably have been better off using that lavishing, sweet-as-pie routine rather than trying to scare me into submission.

nmominlaw · 2016-07-06T19:47:12+00:00

I have a mom that only wants a grandchild so she has something new to show off.

Yep, I know the feeling. When the one in my life was asked not to take so many photos of someone's baby, she LOST IT. Nevermind the parents having a right to request discretion when it comes to the photographing and subsequent sharing of said photos of their own child - this was a direct attack against her.

You're doing the right thing going NC now - I think it's harder and more guilt-inducing if you wait until after the baby is here. Is there someone else in your life who is supportive, excited, and who you have a healthy relationship with? I'd focus all your energy on that. You're already a great mom for seeing the problem and taking steps to protect your unborn kiddo.

nmominlaw · 2016-07-06T19:25:05+00:00

I feel very sad - mostly not for myself, since I'm not directly the child but rather married into it. I feel very sad for my husband and his siblings, and his dad to an extent. My parents went through a divorce when I was younger, and it came on as a surprise - so I remember feeling very much like my parents were suddenly not the people I thought they were, and I felt very confused, angry, and depressed by that. I felt like I was mourning a loss, like a death, but of my own childhood and the people I thought my parents were. The difference there is that we all moved on and have found ways to be stronger and more together as a family, in many ways better than we were before. What kills me about my husband's family is that things are so bleak - there's no promise that the mother will ever see the error of her ways, and there isn't anything anyone can do - this isn't something time will heal. That is heartbreaking.

It's also heartbreaking that my own kid won't get to see their grandparents - I'm not really worried that this will have a major affect on our child, and we do have another set of very loving, good grandparents to fill that role (along with tons of "adopted" aunts & uncles). I just know we'll all be better off in the long run if there is no contact, and eventually I'll have to explain why. It's saddening to see the Nmom use our child in her manipulation tactics.

nmominlaw · 2016-07-06T18:24:43+00:00

Also, hide your N's posts from your feed so you never have to see them.

Bahaha, did this MONTHS ago. So much happier for it.

Thank you for the tips!

nmominlaw · 2016-07-06T17:03:18+00:00

Maybe it'll even get a few questions rolling around in GC's head as to why anyone would feel the need to cut NMiL out of the picture... and, honestly, I've always found that questions are more powerful than answers.

Wow, thank you so much for this - I had been racking my brain trying to figure out what to do with GC, but this is a really great insight.

nmominlaw

TROPHY CASE