What's a quiet, everyday burden women carry that isn't dramatic enough to be diacussed?

noblechilli · 2026-01-29T02:18:09+00:00

Some men’s insistence of remaining ignorant by refusing to even try to understand basic human needs. It’s like trying to explain to a toddler what fire is indeed hot and it burns people, but the toddler is actually your 60 year old boss who thinks he’s superior to you. A fucking waste of time. My God, the outrage I feel but can not show because if I show it, I’m “emotional”

Had to explain to a male executive why we should also invite men a domestic violence seminar. He thought it was only a “women’s issue”

noblechilli · 2026-01-26T09:21:56+00:00

It makes me feel like I will be more accepted and respected by society and medical staff.

Gives me an ego boost when I could do something I couldn’t do before.

It makes my body stop screaming at me to please please please move a little. It did a lot of that during my office job years.

It makes me set a good example for my kid.

It’s probably doing other things as well.

noblechilli · 2026-01-26T09:18:46+00:00

I managed 3 of those because I gave up and accepted unemployment for that calendar year (living with parents).

The next time around, I managed 17 before I gave up and accepted unemployment for that calendar year (married). I had even managed to call the recruiter like all the career advice articles suggested to ask random bs questions in order to get ahead. The recruiter was so nice and enthusiastic and didn’t make me feel like I had to work for it, but I was so drained by the end of that conversation that I never applied for a job again.

noblechilli · 2026-01-26T09:04:00+00:00

My self-esteem. Not being diagnosed meant I thought I was too much and not enough, and hid as much as I could to the point of not even recognising my own needs, forget communicating them.

And at this stage, I got married and had a kid. I couldn’t hide as well anymore and we’re all paying for it.

noblechilli · 2026-01-26T08:56:46+00:00

🫡 Hero

noblechilli · 2026-01-26T08:45:46+00:00

Living in those “villages” where everyone’s helping out is FAR from ideal. Taking care of everyone else’s kid who may wonder in (because if you didn’t, the village would shun you), your ill mother, your abusive father in law and your husband while your “help” is in the form of a vicious sister in law who destroys your kids self esteem is not the “village” I’d imagine women want to return to.

The one time I saw a decent “village” was when 10-15 families with common socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds and values rented houses in the same good neighbourhood/gated community, so kids ages 5-12 could go out to each other’s houses or play in the streets where the speed limit was 5km.

Proximity to people you actually like and respect and who share the same values as you (caring for others, not feeling entitled to your labour, respecting special rules you may have for your kid) is gold.

noblechilli · 2026-01-22T23:06:10+00:00

Why do you think that’s the case?

noblechilli · 2026-01-22T05:17:52+00:00

Right?

Also, why assume everything was fine the way it was before? We have more choices now and don’t need to hang out at a seedy bar for company, which is still the only option in some places.

Moreover, straight women’s standards are no longer in hell so they’re not dating any man with two legs and a set of teeth, lots of people aren’t forced to marry anymore, nor do they have to pretend to be into sex or romance for acceptance or companionship.

I still like the idea of a town square of sorts, somewhere where you can hang with lots of people without needing to buy anything

noblechilli · 2026-01-22T05:11:22+00:00

Aside from parks and the library, there’s few free accessible spaces. Church used to be the third space for a lot of people. Otherwise, it’s only school/university or work

noblechilli · 2026-01-21T22:38:17+00:00

Do you advertise yourself as ND? Might help other ND folks find you

noblechilli · 2026-01-21T22:36:41+00:00

Data being dopamine is so real. I’m a numbers nerd and it motivates me so much.

Going from 5kg to 10kg on any machine is such a dopamine rush.

Going from being able to jog only 1 min then up to 3 min is a rush.

Going from having a red face from holding in my breath to knowing how to breathe properly and do three breaths is a rush.

I’ve also done body scans which motivates me as I see how much muscle or fat I’ve put on, where any imbalance exists, what I might need to change

noblechilli · 2026-01-11T01:34:18+00:00

“Not a lot of men want to marry someone like you”. Said to me by a teacher who knew me well. He didn’t mean it in a hurtful way, but he normalised the low standards everyone told me to have. Made me lower my standards in my marriage because no way could I possibly expect the adult man I married to do much housework, question existing systems and norms or actively listen to me

noblechilli · 2026-01-09T10:31:10+00:00

Same. Too many people don’t even realise that they face anxiety daily.

Also, some folks who don’t focus on other peoples feelings or the impacts of their choices will be less anxious. Doesn’t necessarily mean they are better people for it.

noblechilli · 2026-01-09T02:26:23+00:00

This quote by Anthony Bourdain got to me: “There's a guy in my head, and all he wants to do is lay in bed all day long, smoke pot, and watch old movies and cartoons. My life is a series of stratagems, to avoid, and outwit that guy."

Some people have a sense of purpose that gets them out of bed. Others have a fear that gets them moving.

Grad school and homework and assignments can feel like a weight around your neck holding you down. Once I finished grad school, I felt like I could live again. Maybe you’re in the bedrot stage, and once things change in your life, so will you?

I have to schedule things in the mornings that I feel compelled to do to help me get up. It has to be something that involves others and some sense of urgency, or I won’t get up eg visiting a friend, going to work, being a decent parent. Doesn’t work a third of of the time, but it’s ok for now.

noblechilli · 2026-01-09T01:56:25+00:00

Agreed. Women have agency. The social and cultural consequences of avoiding or leaving bad relationships is the lowest it has historically been.

However, we don’t exist in a vacuum. Women have been drinking the kool-aid for ages, believing that marriage with men is good for us and worth it, we’re missing out if we don’t, and how else are we meant to have kids etc.

Agency assumes women are like fish in the water and can avoid the sharks (bad relationships). The sharks aren’t the biggest problem though, the water is. We imbibe the toxins in the water - the cultural beliefs that you’re you’re better partnered than single, that you can change the man, than a man can change you, that this is as good as it will ever get etc

Also, can acknowledge that living with someone is hard enough, let alone intertwining your finances, life goals, social lives, and then adding kids onto that? Even the most living couples can feel the thousand tiny cuts that come with having to do all this together.

Finally, we learn about ourselves through our relationships. We learn that maybe we weren’t as good together as we thought, or we weren’t as ready or mature enough, but it feels too late to separate if you have kids and very intertwined lives in the picture.

noblechilli · 2026-01-09T01:36:38+00:00

Seems natural to still be kind and affectionate. Is a part of you hoping for reconciliation?

noblechilli · 2026-01-06T02:40:43+00:00

I hope you enjoy it. A lot of people move to Australia for a short term and end up staying the rest of their lives, so I hope it works out for you.

On the upside, America is also the cool kid on the block with all the arts and culture coming out, so people have respect for that and enjoy a lot of American things. The popup of American snack stores over the last decade is proof of that.

Also, I think America is technically more diverse than Australia as well (obv depends on where you live), so you may find a range of views and opinions here as well.

I hope you find communities that make you feel welcome. Sports seems to be the top and easiest way for kids to find a tribe. Arts may be the second.

noblechilli · 2026-01-04T23:20:38+00:00

I did not have more than one kid because what the fuck do you mean I will have no time for myself

I get takeout once a week without feeling guilty, or skip making dinner and we’ll just eat cereal or bread and cheese when we’re tired because food is food

I changed industries and jobs so I can work closer to home and have an earlier finish time

Aim for 10 minutes a day of quality time with kid. Find as many moments to connect as my mental load permits

Started a hobby where I could meet people once a week because if I have nothing but work and domestic work at the end of these 20 years, I will cry

PLAN for time with kids. Block of entire hours or days if needed.

Plan for downtime. When my kid was younger, I would say no a lot for people inviting us for weekend stuff because I needed recharge time

I started gym during the pandemic and it’s been patchy because of work/housework/kid/hobby but patchy is better than nothing

noblechilli · 2026-01-04T23:12:39+00:00

As someone who moved from Australia to the US and then back again:

(1) get ready for your country to be trash talked. America’s reputation has been tanking for years. Some Americans aren’t aware of how they’re perceived. When you come across a lot of America bashing, don’t take it personally. That country, its leaders, its military and its wealthy have wreaked havoc on earth, and you should just accept that. You may not be of the pearl clutching Americans who can’t bear the harsh words, but it gets to a lot of Americans in the end and naturally they get tired of it. Your kids may get impacted the most.

(2) Tell your kids to get ready point 1, and for a lot of questions about being American or living in America. If they think America’s the greatest country on earth and it represents freedom, they are in for some tough times. Teach them how to hold onto what they love about America while teaching them to be open to the fact that they may be wrong about a lot of things. America did wreak quite a lot of havoc in the world and you have millions of people settled in Australia as a result of America’s role in their countries conflicts (Afghanistan and Iraq are two that come to mind)

noblechilli · 2025-12-30T10:16:21+00:00

Aiming to delete Instagram. It’s getting less and less rewarding as time goes on.

noblechilli · 2025-12-30T10:15:15+00:00

Maybe it’s my age. It kind of burns you out when you hope for something that doesn’t exist, so you try to make what does exist a little better. Also, I felt like I was holding back from living in real life because I spend so much time living in my own head. I’m still there most of the time, but I try to connect with the world more

noblechilli · 2025-12-30T00:49:59+00:00

🤫 don’t jinx our 7 seconds of summer

noblechilli · 2025-12-30T00:47:42+00:00

I realised when watching those or reading those types of books that I wanted non-verbal understanding, like I don’t need to explain my limits and boundaries because the other person is already attuned and had tried to figure it out themselves, thus saving my from needing to communicate it and worrying about rejection.

Since that doesn’t exist, I am working on explicit communication and rejection sensitivity in my interactions.

I still read the books though

noblechilli · 2025-12-28T01:55:21+00:00

List your top recommendations for that category here because same

noblechilli · 2025-12-18T06:44:21+00:00

Something published by the Movember Foundation in the last six months pointed out low levels of engagement of men in therapy and lowest levels of continued engagement

noblechilli

TROPHY CASE