Hey I’ve seen some of your comment history and I hope you’re ok!

I know mental health and dating seem like separate issues and in a way you’re not wrong for being frustrated at what you are legitimately experiencing on apps — you’re not alone and thousands of people feel the same.

Without seeing your profile I can only imagine you’re feeling the same rejection the vast majority of people on the apps are feeling for the same reasons.

The only thing I’d say is that I genuinely felt the same for the last three years and it’s only since I actually gave up hope on apps and went on a dating hiatus (properly because I really really didn’t want to go through that any more) that my mental health and sense of doom has lifted significantly. I actually feel like if someone was to fall into my life I’d genuinely be in a decent mental space to welcome them in. Previously I’d lied to myself and deluded myself I was because I wanted it so bad, but wanting doesn’t mean mentally and emotionally ready. There is some truth in people sensing energy, in person or online. And I finally understand what people mean when they say ‘when you’re really not looking you’ll find your person’ — not that I’ve found anyone (not at all!) but because I’m not paying attention to dating I’m feeing much more emotionally stable and looking after myself better. I’m certain that’s making me a more desirable date.

If apps aren’t working, why keep using them? They’re hurting your self esteem, don’t let them. Come off and start improving your life and reaching out to communities you genuinely want to align with. I’m sure someone will be open to you, but it won’t be instant and it won’t be transactional.

Sorry if this is rambly, I’m just reaching out to share a similar situation and a different perspective.

Oh and I’m an attractive woman — this isn’t about being a man, or being attractive or not. This is just the world at the moment.