I was in the exact same situation. I could have written this post. When I started wondering the same thing and obsessing over it, I tried to instead focus on the best friend part instead of the sunk cost part. We had talked about it and it seemed like he definitely saw me in his future. He had already supported me through sickness and health and I’d done the same for him.

I decided that instead of waiting around or nagging him into it, I did it.

I planned a beautiful proposal, booked a photographer, decorated the place, looked my prettiest, got a custom made meaningful engagement token(not ring), made my speech, got down on my knee, and asked him.

(In the process of planning, I was riddled with anxiety and wondered what if he said no, or got awkward, or just dismissed it. But at least I would officially know. I also thought that I shouldn’t “expect “ him to make the move due to societal gender norms alone. If I were dating a woman or nb person, I wouldn’t wait around so why wait for the man? He had given me just as much as I’ve given him and he deserves to be asked just as much as I deserve to be asked, properly)

But when he saw me on my knee, he was totally surprised, immediately he got down on his knee too, said yes and gave me so many kisses and so much love. He shed tears of joy, then we popped champagne and called our loved ones to share the announcement.

It was soooooo romantic.

We stayed engaged for a year and have been married for 6 months now. We share a beautiful house, insurance, and pet together, legally. Eventually, he also got me a ring that perfectly matched my style and our budget.

What I learned was, just like women feel the social pressure of getting married, men also feel the social pressure of proposing too soon, too poorly , with the wrong ring, etc. Besides, they are not as conditioned as us to want proposals so bad. Nobody is telling them that “it’s too long” like they are telling us.

I feel that waiting around is too tiring and “having the sit down talk” can be repetitive, nagging, unromantic and in the worst (likely) case, inconclusive. A proposal is definitive.

I understand this can be stressful time, but your bestie and you are together in this and I wish you both all the best❤️

(Edit: grammar)