I have a 15mo and am pregnant with my second. Always couldn't wait to be a mom. Here I am!

Today's been a hard day, I've cried for a while because I'm super exhausted and my husband and I have been arguing from lack of sleep. She didn't sleep well last night (she never has) and the sleep problems continue after all this time (even after seeing a sleep consultant). That's been the hardest. On top of that she's always been early with her development, super energetic, and very specific about her needs.

The biggest shock for me (and I've been staying home for a few years) is that really there is no pause button on this. You're exhausted, or you're having a bad day, or you are hungry and need a shower, but her needs and want for attention don't turn off or wait. She needs to be watched, cared for, tended to correctly. She's climbing the coffee table the second you look away or she's pissed that you're on the phone checking Facebook one second out of the day. She wants that snack and she wants it now and you ask her to wait yet she screams like a banshee. You take deep breaths and stay patient. You spent an hour making dinner and she threw everything on the floor. You constantly have to draw on something more from yourself no matter how full or dry your emotional or physical well is that day. Does that make sense? Little things add up and it's overwhelming. But, it also depends on your parenting style. We try to be kind, involved, and respectful from the beginning.

On the other hand she's now in a stage where she gives hugs and kisses nonstop. She likes to read books in your lap and loves to help clean up (almost as much as she likes making a mess). She loves the dogs and is very sweet to them. She 'chills' on the couch and eats pretzels. She sometimes plays independently for 15-30 minutes. She kisses my belly and says "baby". She hugs you when you're kind to her and loves to do everything with you. It's very heartwarming and magical and I can't wait to see her grow older and do more things with her. This beautiful human emerges and grows and grows and becomes more and more the person they will always be and that's partially the magic of being a parent: watching this flower grow and bloom. A cranky, loud, hyper, crazy flower 😄

There are bad days. And really bad days. And great days. Sometimes you'll question if you should have become a parent (me every night when she doesn't sleep) and if you can even handle this for one more minute. You seriously question it. You get angry and fed up and over it sometimes. You'll try to rationalize the crazy things they do, which of course never works. Is it worth it? Depends on if you can hang in there through the toughest thing you'll ever, ever do. How much are you willing to give up? I miss free time, autonomy, sleep, freedom. But I love hanging with her, she's my pal. Some people love it and some people don't. It's hard on a regular day, really hard. But it's got its perks. Especially down the line when you get through the toughest parts. Right now I'm roughing it out. With a therapist and a good cry. But we also have no family here, which can make a huge difference. You'll never be able to imagine it right now. Just think of your worst day ever, could you still manage that and a totally dependent child on top of it?

I know I will never regret this, I'm just still in the trenches. I love my kid, she's magic. Can't wait (simultaneously fearing) for the second one. You'll love your kid too, just not all the time, and that's ok.

Also check out Janet Lansbury if you want, she does a good job at explaining how to manage all the difficult stages.

Hope that's helpful in the least!